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Greetings from Lockdown

I hope this finds you well and at peace with whatever level of freedom you are experiencing.

In New Zealand, Delta is trying to have its way with us and we are in varying levels of lockdown. This is a challenging time for many. Please be kind to yourself and others.

This week’s podcast episode is a difficult conversation that happens all too frequently and we see it closeted much too often:

This is a deep and raw episode and Jenifer covers difficult ground in her story that she feels strongly about sharing. You will hear that there were so many layers of trauma and loss to this story.

Here are Jenifer's words: On May 30, 2017 at approximately 12 noon, I lost my husband to suicide. I was in the office in our house when he went out into his workshop in the garage and shot himself with a shotgun. We had been married for almost 35 years and a couple for almost 36 years – but I knew him for 42 years. He was the love of my life and even though our marriage was not always easy, both of us plagued by our troubled childhoods, he was my person. We weathered so much over the years, but we had 3 grown children, they were doing well in our lives – we had a home and stability. All of that ended when he was laid off from his job (the first time he had ever been laid off). What should have been a blessing ended up being a nightmare. Now, with the clarity of hindsight, everything makes so much sense … .

Click the below button to go to the episode, read the rest of Jenifer’s thoughts, and listen to the podcast.

A note on TRIGGER WARNINGS.

You won’t find them here.

This entire project could be considered a trigger and I have to trust two things:

1. that exposure (therapy) is the frontline treatment for those things we fear most and teaches us we can be exposed to things that previously frightened or saddened us AND it may be healing and facilitate us becoming more at ease with those conversations as time goes by.

2. I trust people to take care of themselves.

Honestly, we have a 1:1 ratio of people following our project and leaving our project. That would be utterly frustrating if we were only about wanting big audience numbers, but I understand that people’s ability to sit with this content in such an intimate fashion may ebb and flow.

We are here for when it’s palatable and feels right. We understand if people have to turn their backs at times. After all, we are dealing with a long history of the over-culture stifling these conversations.

Inviting death out of the closet to permanently stay is definitely a two steps forward, three steps back dance. (((thank YOU for being here)))

Welcome to Kate Burns

Kate was a guest on our podcast for a special bonus episode on Mother’s Day of this year. She circled back around to me expressing how much the podcast had helped her during her time of grief and offered to provide assistance in any way possible. Kate is a trauma-informed interviewer, training to be a death worker, and sits on the board of the international Green Burial Council all while holding down a full-time professional position.

After being the lone wolf on this project, I am thrilled to have Kate’s enthusiasm, support and steady knowledge and insight working on our mission.

You can listen to Kate’s episode HERE. And check out the first episode Kate recorded for the show HERE. You will understand what an asset she will be to the project.

I’d be amiss not to mention that I’m thrilled the project will be in capable and enthusiastic hands when I exit. How’s that for advanced care planning for this (brain)child of mine to be able to live on?

We want to hear from you. This project is a place to share stories from people of all walks of life. Riffing off of the “flash writing” concept, we will post these to our Instagram and Facebook and website pages.

They must be true, personal, and 100 words or less.

We reserve the right to choose appropriate stories, edit as needed, and by submitting your story you agree for it to be a part of this project.

Email your submission to tinydeathstory@gmail.com

Our forthcoming book, Death and Its Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Beautiful Lessons: field notes from The Death Dialogues Project is now in the hands of our advanced reading team. Here’s one recent comment:

'“I just wanted to let you know that I finished your book last night. It is thoughtful, honest, well put together, and beautifully written. I think it will bring comfort to many and be thought provoking for others. I've been in this somewhat altered universe since 2011, lost 5 family members in six years, been as I put it it "decimated" or "taken down to the studs" and still I learned some new things from your book that furthered my own personal healing. The power of dialogue and the power of the written word. Wow! You have done a wonderful thing with this project.” —Heike Mertins, author or Grief is … thoughts on loss, struggle, and new beginnings

How can you support our mission?

As the Kiwis say, this grassroots project runs off the smell of an oily rag. We’ve not asked for money and don’t plan to, however the sales of our books will help support this project.

We are fueled by the energy of helping others.

Please, if you know someone who is pondering death or experiencing the aftermath of death, or may just be interested—please share this newsletter with them as an intro to our project.

Exposure to The Death Dialogues Project, and soon our books, are a great answer to those times there are no words.

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