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Celebration of poetry contestants
Our winners of the contest Erin and Marlene, joined a few other participants and representatives from the Ottawa Arts Council, Jamaal Jackson, a local poet lauriet, and a few actors/musicians/activists who performed the winning poems. Jamaal gave the young people some tips and listened to the performances. We are so touched that the young people shared their talent with us and that we had an opportunity to bring them together with Jamaal, a local poetry hero. The contestants were thrilled to dialogue with him. Here’s the spoken word winning poem by Erin:
Please note TRIGGER WARNING:
All Day
I have been thinking about this prompt all day
How does violence against women make you feel?
As if there’s any answer to that other than
Bad.
As if I have spent the last seven years of my life suffering
At the hands of those who were meant to protect me
Only to look back at it and say
“That was a great time”.
It’s funny how those hands are meant to protect you
Kind of like how eyelashes are supposed to keep things out of your eyes
But are often the most frequent intruder
If you can’t tell, I use humour to cope
Sort of a quick “fuck you” to the ex-boyfriend who didn’t let me laugh
Because he thought I was too loud
You see, violence towards women isn’t always physical
It can be the jokes, the coercions, the threats
“I’m gonna fuck you till you bleed whether you like it or not”
“Well you’re not getting your antidepressants back until you blow me”
“You can’t say no, you’re wearing my hoodie”
Yeah, grade 10 wasn’t my best year
The majority of my personality has been crafted out of sheer spite
I am loud, vulgar, confident, and independent
Because it wasn’t long ago that I could not speak without someone else’s permission
Because every step out of line warranted a punishment that I could not escape
You handed me harm with a smile and told me it was because you cared
Because if beauty is pain
And sex is pain
Then you must be love
You must be everything I am told I need
They say “don’t bite the hand that feeds you”
And don’t pull away when it's raised against you
Even if that hand is only going to your face, your ass, or your neck
And don’t you dare go looking for other hands to eat from
You ungrateful little bitch
Well guess what motherfucker?
You do not own me anymore
Sure, I still flinch when someone raises their voice
Or their hand
I still alienate myself from my friends because you have taught me that far is safe
I still have nightmares about trying to escape from your grasp
But I survived you, and you cannot take that away from me
So listen to this, because I need you to know
That every time I sleep soundly, alone in my own bed
Every time I pick out my own outfit
Every time I curse, every time I eat dessert
Every time I laugh, LOUD AS HELL, at someone else’s joke
I’m not thinking about you.
I’m thinking about my own damn self
Because she is the only one who deserves my attention
I’m not saying that violence towards women has greatly affected me,
But when I read this prompt I couldn’t think of what to write
Because there was too much to choose from
Because there are only so many words in the English language
Because I only have so much time
And if I had to recount every time I’ve been hit
Every time I was threatened
Every time I’ve been called “Whore”
Well, we’d be here forever
And I don’t have all day
I’m too busy loving who I am without you
Thank you Erin for sharing! We are honoured and humbled that you submitted this poem to show the painful reality that so many endure.
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