Edition 21 - December 2021
In this edition:
- Christmas without your children (a "not so merry" Xmas)
- On reflection --- real change in 'the system' CAN happen!
- Others help us change 'the system' ... we call them our 'Allies'
- 'Investigation and Assessment' on unborn bubs
- You know the “Black Lives Matter” movement – but do you know the “Family Matters” movement?
- Have you experienced 'the system' in Qld?
- Have a cuppa with other parents
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Christmas without your children (a "not so merry" Xmas)
As we draw closer to the festive season, many families will not be feeling so festive. The thought of waking Xmas morning and not hearing the sound of excited voices and the tremble of your bed as tiny feet turn it into a trampoline may not be a reality. This is the hard facts of many families this year. How do we best prepare ourselves for our hearts to break in December?
I wish I had the answer, but I don’t. When I went through it I refused to acknowledge the day. I stayed in bed wondering how my children were. Did santa bring them something good? Did they expect to see mum and dad like every other year? You’ve tried to avoid even going grocery shopping because every excited little voice you hear reminds you of your children. You put your groceries back hoping to make it out the store before you break down. You feel as if everyone knows that your children have been removed. I know, because I lived it. My children lived it. There seems no end. Time goes slower than usual. The festival season also brings a close to any court proceedings. How can I get through until next year? Common questions we all ask ourselves. The answer is you will get through.
There is no easy solution but to be strong. Your children are depending on you to be strong. No matter how we are feeling, once the excitement of unwrapping any gifts they may get has gone they are feeling worse. What can we do? We can do everything in our power to make sure this never happens again. We all know the goal posts continuously move with the department of child safety. Keep kicking them balls. You’ll eventually find the net. We have no other options. Our children are waiting for us and you’ll succeed.
You're stronger than you think you are. Use whatever tools are available to you 'cause it’s going to get rocky. Reach out to family, friends, support services or if you’re like me and need to be alone, do so. There’s a job to do and we are not finished yet.
I believe in you my friend.
I’ll be thinking of you.
PARENT (world’s best job)
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On reflection --- real change in 'the system' CAN happen!
If you had a quiet moment to reflect on your past two years – what would you say you are proud of? What were you surprised by? What do you vow to carry forward?
Twenty-seven of us (!) asked ourselves these questions.
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"Thing that I am most proud of"
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"Thing I was most surprised by"
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"Thing I vow to carry forward"
Other questions could have been added: questions like, "Why on earth would you put yourself forward to talk about your child protection experiences?", or "What would you say if the Minister or the head of the Department were here to listen to you?"
We put themselves forward two years ago... to talk - and to listen - when we led the country in forming a Parents' Advisory Committee.
Reflecting on our pride, our surprise and our vows was a moving end to the year for the Queensland Parents Advisory Committee (the QPAC).
Parent members of the Committee said:
- I was surprised and overwhelmed at times. But I know, no matter what, you have to keep going
- it's a special feeling - that you are part of something and carrying this forward while remembering that there is light at the end of the tunnel
- I am proud that our conversations led directly to change. The letter parents get when the Department enters their world was changed. As a result, parents are now encouraged to seek legal representation as soon as the Department becomes involved with their family
- I feel overwhelmed by the strength of the parents in this room
- everyone has kept showing up - regardless of their personal lives - with the joint purpose of ensuring better lives for other families
- everyone has been coming to the table and listening without bias
- open conversations were had and everyone has worked together
- this is my last meeting as a member of the QPAC: I will be carrying forward the importance of continuing this parent advocacy work
- I vow to keep the door open, honouring people with their stories, upholding dignity and respect
- the experience of being listened to was huge, and trying to make change
- this will be my last meeting with the QPAC: I am so proud of what we’ve achieved, and to see things being 'ticked off' our list of priorities for parents
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Others help us change 'the system' ... we call them our 'Allies'
Because parents know our own lives, our families, our children - we also know what will help.
In advocating to change the system, it's the same: we know what will help, but we need allies to stand alongside us.
A good ally starts by stepping back and listening.
They 'meet us where we are'... they might support our material needs, they might step up to clear away some of the barriers in our lives.
An ally understands how to lift us up. And not make it about them ;-)
An ally 'walks the talk' - they don't say one thing and do another.
A good ally finds a way.
Allies are a vital part of the Parents' Advisory Committee. They're from the non-government community sector, a university, and government - largely from the Department of Child Safety. They reflected on their time meeting with and listening to parents:
- the significance of parents being at the table – the significance of the committee – cannot be over-stated
- there’s such importance in the things being carried forward
- being part of the process has been life changing both professionally and personally
- it's a privilege to be trusted by parents of the QPAC with lived experience of the child protection system
- I want to say thank you for the change parents and the QPAC has created and the experience of working alongside parents
- [In one region] we have changed our language to refer to what has previously been called an Investigation and Assessment - instead we use the word “Assessment” because of what parents have told us
- [In one region] child protection workers are wherever possible making appointments with parents (as opposed to visiting parents with no prior arrangement being made)... this approach directly changes the result of the work with families
- partnering, hearing, respecting - it is an honour
- advocacy is a two-sided process - each of us speak and each of us listen
- I recognise that those in power are still in power: meaning they could still choose not to really hear, or act, or change. But the allies in this room, have acted and have enabled change and movement
- amplifying the voices of parents takes courage
- I continue to be inspired by the work of parents and the QPAC
- we worked with parents who showed us the affidavits they received from the Department. This was a challenging process, we had feelings of discomfort and shame. And that spurs us on. We will remember that feeling
- despite the significant roles people have - none of us really controls the system. There are significant complexities in many aspects of the wider environment including issues such as the availability of services and political events that shape the experience of families
- resources are often scarce and need to be used wisely: parents being legitimate, heard stakeholders is a great investment
"There is much child protection authorities can learn from the experience of parents about the importance of respectful relationship building as a basis of partnership and as a means to achieving the ultimate goal of protecting vulnerable children."
(K Healy, Y Darlington, & J. A. Feeney, 2011)
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'Investigation and Assessment' (I&A) on unborn bubs
Parents are a hot commodity and are being asked more and more by the Department and others to share their voices and their wisdom.
One of the recent meetings with the Department was about Investigations and Assessments on unborn babies -- a challenging conversation to say the very least.
(We are all committed to making this the first of many conversations on the topic. This must not be a 'once only' meeting.)
One thing is for certain, telling a parent that there has been a 'Notification' in regard to their unborn baby must be a conversation as opposed to a letter.
Letters cannot replace face to face or phone conversations. (Of course we know that letters are required as well). Mail gets lost, families move... Is this letter coming to a physical address? Under a door? Or emailed? Do not assume a parent receives a letter. Or has/is able to have read it. "Does anyone know how anxious I get going to my mailbox? Have been for years... for many reasons."
Parent leaders at FIN really appreciate being asked to comment on draft letters or procedures ... there is always lots that comes to mind! A phrase like “I’m here to help” written in a letter is interesting isn't it? "It doesn't feel like they're here to help." (Though many parents do have good experiences, please be open and clear about what's happening. Otherwise it's confusing for parents.)
When it comes to parents being asked to give their consent for the Department to conduct an investigation on their unborn bub - well, that's a tricky one: On one hand, *as if* a parent would ever consent?! But on the other hand "we know if we don’t consent – they’ll just do it anyway".
Some parents feel they “never had any say or rights anyway".
Language, approach, and kindness is important.
Try to understand what supports may help the unborn baby and the parents.
The Department must realise that the threat of a removal at birth puts mothers and their unborn babes at increased risk as they are less likely to get prenatal care if they cannot trust the system. Families will not reach out for support if they cannot trust and feel safe. Then they will get penalized for not putting supports in place and the downward cycle continues.
It comes down to inclusive practice - not blaming and shaming. More natural forms of human engagement based on respect and trust can trump directives and threats, which have been shown to be counterproductive to the long term interest of children, their families and communities.
(Marcenko et al.2010).
We really thank the departmental representatives who reach out. We know they don't have to.
One person even said how fearful they were about consulting with the parents about practice changes. I think this fear came from not wanting to come across as disrespectful or to be seen as ‘the Department’.
The people who come to speak with parents really do seem to want to make meaningful change from within the system. We welcome you to our table.
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You know the “Black Lives Matter” movement – but do you know the “Family Matters” movement?
Did you know that here in Australia, Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander children make up 6% of all children nationwide ---- yet represent 39% of children in [out-of-home] care?
This is the sobering headline statistic from a major report that just came out: this year’s “The Family Matters Report 2021"
Broken down that means 1 in every 15.6 Aboriginal and/or Torres Strait Islander children are in care.
Let that sit for a second.
This means that our children are 10 times more likely to be living in out-of-home care than non-Indigenous children.
Of course, it’s probably no surprise the statistics look like this with knowledge of the funding structures: Nationally, a whopping 84% of child protection funding is spent on intervention and out-of-home care, as opposed to just 16% on family support.
Family Matters made the call out for Aboriginal-led solutions, including investment in community-led solutions and a national commissioner for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander children and young people to eliminate over-representation. Just as parents are the experts in our families’ lives, Indigenous people are the experts in theirs and their communities'. 13 years on from a national apology and here we are. Sorry means you don’t do it again. And again…
Yours in the struggle, Maddie
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HAVE YOU EXPERIENCED 'THE SYSTEM' (in Qld)?
Then you have lots teach others ... and you have lots to gain from others ... please join us
We always need more parent voices.... Write to us, ring, FB message us..... You can read here in Equal Chance the types of topics parents with lived experience are asked about. There are ALWAYS discussions coming up. Please come join us: you'll meet other parents, you'll learn lots, and you'll plant a seed that will help other parents. C'mon... email now while you think of it *but forgive us if we take a bit to respond to you, as we are taking some time away from our computers over the holidays* info.fin@micahprojects.org.au :-)
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Have a cuppa with other parents
The good news is that there are parent groups in a few parts of Queensland. And we have great faith that more are emerging. We are all run differently and separately.... but we're all about empowering parents and families for their children.
Brisbane -
(run by FIN,seq)
Our catch-ups are completely confidential and casual.
If you're in Southeast Qld – here are the Southeast Qld dates.
- Northside - Thursday afternoons
Next one - Thursday, 24 March, 2022
12.30pm - 2pm, Northside Connect (Nundah Neighbourhood Centre), 14 Station Street, Nundah QLD 4012
- Southside - Tuesday mornings
Next one - Tuesday, 22 February, 2022
9.30am–11am, Wellspring Children and Families Hub 28 Malcolm Street, Hawthorne QLD 4171
Ipswich
(run by parent volunteers)
- Ipswich Parents meet at the Club – Incommunity, 59 Limestone St, Ipswich.
- Usually on the first Monday of the month. TBA
- Contact Krystal with any questions - 0466 569 636
- Email: Parents.toowoomba@hotmail.com
Toowoomba
(run by parent volunteers)
- Toowoomba Parents meet at Toowoomba Community Baptist Church, 100 Glenvale Rd, Toowoomba. Usually on the last Friday of the month. 9.30 am – 11am – beginning Friday 28 January 2022.
- Contact Krystal with any questions - 0466 569 636
- Email: Parents.toowoomba@hotmail.com
Townsville
(run by FIN,Tsv)
- Townsville parents have support groups on the 1st and 3rd Tuesday of the month - 10:30am-12:30pm
- Next one - Tuesday, 18 January, 2022 at 85 Albany Rd., Pimlico
- Run by FIN Townsville (0402 254 984). More here.
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Foundation Members of the Queensland Parents' Advisory Committee - Bobbi, Maddie, and Dee with Micah Projects CEO Karyn Walsh.
25 November 2021.
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We hold morning or afternoon teas ('tea time' catchups) with parents to share their experiences with other parents who have walked along the same path.
Get in touch with us to find out the next tea time catchup is.
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