Project Declutter
Dear <<First Name>>,
We are moving.
Fun as it’s been to have the theme song from the hit 1970’s show The Jeffersons on repeat in my brain, moving is hard … especially if you have trouble letting go of things, like me.
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Things I Have Been Hoarding
(Are you wondering if you accidentally opened the wrong newsletter, stick with me! It will all come around, my dear good people. But, first ...)
While I am far from a clinical diagnosis of hoarding, here are just some of the things I have been holding on to:
- Matchbooks from dozens of restaurants
- Every laptop I have ever used
- Articles I want to read some day, dating back to 2005
- Hundreds of ticket stubs, playbills, and programs
- Lots of receipts … and unreturned merchandise
- Boxes and bags of boxes and bags that can be reused
- Unused thread from my 20-something needlepoint phase
- Greeting cards I bought in the 1980s because I thought they were cute but never gave to anybody
- Rod Stewart’s Greatest Hits on audiocassette, not to mention countless more floppy disks, CDs, DVDs, videocassettes, and record albums
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Send Help
Good grief, none of this is easy for me to let go of. And, this is only the tip of the Project Declutter iceberg. Not to mention, there are also boxes stashed at my parents’ home (sorry Mom and Dad!) and all sorts of other things I never even meant to save (so many unmatched socks).
Did I mention we are downsizing from a larger suburban house to a smaller city apartment?
Needless to say, I have been summoning all of the decluttering gods.
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The Universe Delivers
Well, the universe delivered. Ileana Ferreras is a life coach who specializes in “helping people tap into their internal and external resources in areas of life where they want breakthroughs.” While I am not lucky enough to be her client, it is because I have the good fortune of calling her friend (and I refer friends to her as clients).
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While she is not a decluttering expert or organizer, Ileana understands how our stuff can be an obstacle. She felt my angst and offered counsel in what I call "Ileana-isms."
Ileana-ism #1
"Not everything *goes* with the energy of a new place."
Formal crystalware from our wedding was special almost 20 years ago. But now we rarely use it, and it is not the seize-the-day vibe we are going for. We would rather use that space for fun margarita glasses that we pull out on weeknights. We already have plenty of other wedding mementoes and there is someone for whom the crystal will be a luxurious treasure.
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Ileana-ism #2
“Set up your new place for who you want to be in the future, not who you were in the past.”
The needlepoint supplies are from a time in my life when eyesight and time were more abundant. I will find someone who will put them to use. Game nights filled with giggles and goofs are more what I envision for the future so I will give that space to Taboo and Jenga.
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Ileana-ism #3
“Your kids’ future will be different from yours, just as our future has been worlds apart from our parents’.”
I have been saving select newspaper issues for our kids, so that decades from now, they would have a tactile perspective on the history they lived through. Yes, I know. Sigh. I know. I kept a couple of truly historic issues and let the rest go.
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It’s Like Overeating ...
Ileana also introduced me to the videos of Laura Moore of ClutterClarity.com. Laura distinguishes between a messy home and a cluttered home. Her -- and my -- focus is on the clutter, not the mess. If we are not letting things go, she says, “it is like overeating and not pooping.”
Letting go of the past is hard … and we can do hard things. Hold this thought.
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It Feels So Good
The reduced clutter has led to an unexpected and distinct sense of calm. I discovered we were not alone in experiencing the effect clutter has on one’s brain and body, according to Professor Libby (Elizabeth) Sander. Her co-authored research shows that physical features of our environment can have surprising effects on our emotional, cognitive, and relational responses.
Other research shows the visual distraction of clutter has a cumulative effect on our brains, increasing cognitive overload and draining our working memory. The effects of clutter on our focus and information processing show up in fMRI scans, as well as in our cortisol levels. In the presence of clutter, we are less accurate in interpreting other people’s non-verbal behavior, watch more TV, and snack more.
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Decluttering an entire home without a looming deadline is unrealistic for many, particularly given the significant challenges faced by many these days. But, tackling a nightstand or coffee table for 20 minutes might be a realistic gift for our minds, bodies, and souls.
It offers a satisfying sense of before-and-after progress. And, it clears space for what Outside Magazine writer Gloria Liu called “growing into new versions of yourself” in this beautiful ode to garages.
As for me, it is overdue. It has not been as hard as I feared. And it has felt really, really good afterwards.
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Cultural Clutter
In parallel to Project Declutter, I have also been working on my next book for Simon and Schuster (because why not have two panic-prompting projects in the midst of a pandemic, right?).
While I can't share details about the title, cover, and release date yet, I promise to share everything here in Dear Good People first so stay tuned!
What I can share now is that the book is about the psychology of facing our whitewashed past. Intellectually, many of us realize we need to unlearn what we once learned about our country’s history, as I have written about here and here and here.
The intellectual part is easy. The emotional and psychological part is not easy and that is what my book will focus on.
At first, Project Declutter and Project Book Two might seem unrelated. Now, I see them as complementary.
For example, our headlines are filled with news about the retirement/rethinking of certain logos, brands, art, holidays, and monuments like Aunt Jemima, the Washington Redskins, Confederate statues, Gone with the Wind, and Columbus Day, to name just a few. These are what I call “cultural clutter" ... see where this is going?
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Sentimental Lady
Some people have resisted these changes, citing tradition or critiquing an oversensitive, woke political correctness. Others have applauded the changes, but critiqued the lack of input from key players. Some just don't want anything to mess with their pancakes.
Trust me, as a sentimental lady prone to nostalgic hoarding, I feel the challenge. Like many of you, I like nostalgia and tradition, and I like honoring those who came before me. I do not want to let go of things that evoke ancestors and heritage. Still, I want to honor my past and those who came before us in a way that honors our aspirational selves.
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As with decluttering our homes, decluttering our culture may really be about the wisdom of Ileana-isms: what goes with the energy of now, who do we want to be in the future, and what world will the next generation live in? When I ask myself those questions, things get a lot clearer.
Letting Go
I am not saying it is straightforward figuring out what needs to be changed or how to change it. Legitimate debate is needed. But I am wondering if we are hoarding symbols that romanticize the past rather than envisioning what we want to be in the future.
And as with all clutter, there is a lot of emotion that comes up.
I feel some shame, guilt, denial, disbelief, and embarrassment that I have mindlessly accepted - even embraced - symbols that evoke or celebrate slavery, genocide, or whitewashing. In many cases, I really did not know the history. In other cases, I just did not pay attention.
I am learning (and unlearning). As both Billy Joel and psychologists remind us, the good ole’ days weren’t always good (note: they were definitely worse for some) and tomorrow ain’t as bad as it seems. It is time.
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Will I do a double take for a while as I eat my pancakes? Probably. That’s okay.
(That said, I am keeping the old playbills and ticket stubs.)
What's Next
Writing Dear Good People is a wonderful way to procrastinate Project Declutter and Project Book Two, so I plan to keep doing it! As always, my goal is to give you bite-sized, evidence-based, action-oriented tips in every issue (check out past issues here). Please feel free to forward, post, tweet as much as you like - links are below. I'd love for this free, accessible content to reach as many hearts and minds as possible.
Let me know what you're hoarding and what you think - email link is below.
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Happy Halloween (and Good Grief, Cocoa Brown)!
Thanks for growing with me,
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This month's artwork credits from top: This month's artwork credits from top: Katie Sutton (logo), Jeana Marinelli (books), Sony Pictures Television (The Jeffersons), Warner Brothers (Rod Stewart), Kelly Kamowski (packing cartoon), Ileana Ferreras (head shot), Andy Lyons/Better Homes and Gardens (margarita), Ezequiel Garrido via unsplash (card game), “Bob” (inheritance cartoon), Glennon Doyle (Hard Things), Lacie Slezak via unsplash (woman with books), Tina Witherspoon via unsplash (nightstand), New York Times/Evelyn Parker (controversy collage), Duy Pham via unsplash (friends locking arms), Aaron Weiss via unsplash (pancakes tshirt), Dolly Chugh (Cocoa), Brett Topel (Dolly)
I thank Ileana Ferreras for her wise counsel, Morgan Powers for her thoughtful proofreading, Evelyn Parker for volunteering their visual design and editing talent, and Katie Sutton for designing and promoting this newsletter.
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