December 2021 (Volume 11 - Issue #12)
Hello and happy Saturday, <<Name>> ! I don't know about you, but I am often shocked when I realize we are less than 30 days from 2022! Wow, did this year go by fast! New years remind me of the need to let go of the mistakes of the past. And find a path to forgiveness...
Before we dive into what's been on my mind, I just want you to know how much I value our time here together here. I am ever grateful to be allowed to visit your inbox. So, welcome to all my old friends as well as those of you who are new to my world.
“Forgiveness is the name of love
practiced among people who love poorly.
The hard truth is that all people love poorly.
We need to forgive and be forgiven every day,
every hour increasingly.
That is the great work of love among
the fellowship of the weak
that is the human family.”
--Henri Nouwen
If the advertisements and pop holiday tunes are to be believed, then December is the “most wonderful time  of the year). The Christmas season is supposed to be about love and joy.
And even for those who don’t celebrate Christmas in the Christian sense still often celebrate the more secular side of Christmas (or Hanukah or other holidays that arrives this time of year).
The lights, the decorations, the food, and the music are all things I delight in. One of my favorite things to do is to sit by the tree before going to bed and breathe in the serenity of beloved ornaments and twinkle lights.
Yet, from my experience has often been that this is the most stressful time of year for many.
There is pressure to buy loved ones the “perfect gift”. And there is a pressure that WE need to be perfect: the perfect hostess, the perfect guest, the perfect daughter, the perfect mother, etc.
And if you’ve been in my world for long, you know that I don’t believe that perfect is possible.  Rather, our imperfections is what makes us beautiful and special in our own, unique way.
It’s a hard time of year for many thanks to the Ghosts of Christmas Past.
Loss, sadness, loneliness, anger, and being haunted by memories can turn even the cheeriest of us into Scrooge.
And in more than a decade of being a life coach, my number one piece of advice to you is two-fold as we wrap the final days of 2021 and step into a bright and shiny new 2022.
- Keep the concept of compassion and forgiveness loosely in your mind for it will serve you as a saving grace.
- And be mindful of what little (and big) things can trigger you into going down a rabbit hole that’s hard to climb out of.
If you’ve done much self-development work, you are probably aware of triggers that can send you down paths of sadness, anger, fear, and self-pity. Sometimes, you react internally. And sometimes you turn to tried and true ways to comfort and numb yourself from those uncomfortable feelings.
While I am all about feeling ALL your feelings, this time of year is can be especially fraught with landmines. And those landmines can cause us to linger in bad feelings and fondle the stories around them rather than simply feeling it and then choosing to move forward.
This is where I’m talking about the concepts of forgiveness. Because negative feelings when you should be  full of gratitude and joy can be particularly heavy.
Yet, the awareness of what triggers you can be that moment of feeling badly, and then allowing your logic to kick in and remind you “Oh, this reminded you of that time when…” so that you can move through it and enjoy your holidays.
It helps to recognize the ways in which we numb, too, because sometimes we unconsciously slip into numbing behaviors immediately.
Because while we associate numbing with less than healthy activities like overindulging in food or alcohol or spending 10 hours binging Netflix. Numbing can also look like ensuring there are perfect vacuum lines in every room of your house or excessive exercise.
And, like feeling your feelings, I am all about comforting yourself. Eat that Christmas cookie to feel good in the moment but don’t eat a dozen. Clean your house while also finding the humor in how it’s helping you cope with things you can’t control. Otherwise, the way you comfort can lead you down a whole ‘nother path of triggers and self-loathing. Especially if it involves food or alcohol.
While the exterior world is a big trigger for a lot of these challenging feelings this time of year, the other big  trigger for many is family. Outside those grieving for the lost family members, folks who “should” be grateful for being with loved ones feel guiltily for not always feeling grateful.
Because even if you love your family dearly. And even if your childhood was free of neglect or abuse, our families know how to push our buttons in all kinds of triggering ways.
In part, it’s because we are expected to fill a particular role in our family: the smart one, the pretty one, the funny one, etc. And in most cases, those are roles that we long exited.
Yet, our families expect us to BE that person we were when we were 16 even when we’re closer to 60.
And the other thing I realized is this: even if you regularly spend time with your family members, often times they don’t really know the man or woman you’ve become.
It isn’t that they don’t love you, it’s just they are human. So wrapped up in managing the ups and downs of their own lives that they expect you to be that person they always knew. And often lost in their own pain.
So, basically, I am sharing with you that sometime during the holiday season, your family members may  behave badly. It's easier to manage if you aren't surprised by it. And even if that feels personal, it isn’t.
I am gently reminding you to be compassionate and offer forgiveness. Of others and yourself.
That doesn’t mean that you accept or approve of bad behavior. And it doesn’t make their bad behavior acceptable. And I sure don’t encourage you to accept bad behavior nor put up with attempts to manipulate your reactions, feelings, or behaviors.
Rather, I am reminding you that you can still forgive the person and love them. Even when you don’t condone the behavior.
The older I get, the more important these things are: compassion, forgiveness, and love.
And while I had planned for this love note to focus on the topic of forgiveness, I recognize that the companions of forgiveness are compassion and grace.
Oh, and using awareness to set good boundaries.
Because if one of your relatives or friends goes over the edge in their ability to manage their own triggers and stressors this season, you don’t have to be the person they take it out on. Instead, you can walk away…and circle back after they’ve calmed down with a big dose of compassion.
Again: compassion and forgiveness doesn’t equal condoning bad behavior.
We have two choices in our lives as we get older and approach the 2nd halves of our lives: you either choose to soften with the aging process. Or be bitter.
If you’re here with me, then you desire to create a life that nourishes you. So that means you’re aware of the  need to make this choice. And though softening sounds much better than bitterness, it isn’t always an easy choice to make.
Because it means allowing anger to simply flow through you rather than fester and make you harder, letting go of grudges, and being compassionate.
Not just to others. It requires being compassionate with yourself.
Because if there is one thing I leave you with as we approach 2022: it’s that I want you to find compassion and forgiveness for yourself.
Being human means being imperfect and making mistakes. And while some mistakes shift the choices we make as we traversed this life, that doesn’t mean you can’t find the grace within them as lessons rather than a life sentence.
“Forgiveness is just another name for freedom.”
— Byron Katie
You are a brilliant, shiny being, my dear. And when you make the choice to move forward in your life in a loving, kind, and positive way you’re on path to loving yourself and your life no matter what. This may take a large dose of Awareness (which we explored in August) I And it always relies upon being self-compassionate as you choose to let go of the grudges.
The grudges you hold against others. And the ones you hold against yourself.
So, before 2021 morphs into 2022 with the stroke of midnight, find space to forgive someone for a past misdeed. And most importantly, find compassion for an older version of yourself. And finally forgive her. She  did the best she could with what she had.
Sit by the fireplace with a cup of cocoa (or glass of eggnog). Get lost in the way a book transports you to wonderful places and different times. Actively look for kindness and compassion beauty as you run errands. Find the spark of joy in every day activities.
Because when you make a choice to soften into life rather than be bitter, it makes the world better for you. and for everyone you encounter.
Here's to celebrating the joy in the season, finding compassion, and offering forgiveness to others. And especially ourselves.
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No matter what's happening in the outside world - or in my own small little world - one thing I've learned is that the smallest of things can keep us afloat, pull us out of the deep end, and help us be a happier version of yourself.
That's what I aim to share with you here each month. The stuff that's seems small but is making a powerful difference in the quality of my daily life. This month, I'm sharing cosmetic related items because though they don't necessarily say "Forgiveness" on the outside, when I am feeling more confidence in my skin it sure feels easier to forgive others...and myself.
in my Make-up Bag
My mind was blown when I began using make-up brushes for most of my make-up application. Up until  2016, the only make-up brush I used was one for blush that came with whatever blusher I was using. Then, in an attempt to update my look, I was shown how to use make-up brushes for every part of the application process thanks to a spirited and enthusiastic sales person as Sephora.
Though it took getting used to at first, I discovered that my products go much further with this process. Yet, make-up brushes are expensive. The brushes at Sephora start at around $20 a piece. And as much as I love most of what I buy from Charlotte Tilbury (including the lipstick I am also sharing below along with the foundation I shared last month) the idea of paying upwards of $50 for a single brush just seems excessive.
And while I firmly believe in treating yourself. And know that more expansive items often last longer than their knock of counterparts, I can say that the make-up brushes made by Elf Cosmetics are stunningly great. Starting around $3.00 a brush for a more budget friendly option.
What made me think about this as a favorite thing saving me for this December Love note is that earlier this week I threw out most of my brushes for fresh, new brushes. Because even with regularly washing and/or sanitizing, they do wear out over time.
I typically buy single brushes at Target though they also sell them directly from Elf (Link above), on Amazon, and I've seen them at Kohls as well. Look for gift sets of brushes now, too, as part of holiday promotions. They make a nice gift for a lovely lady in your life (including the lovely lady in the mirror).
Pucker-up Sugarplum
There's something about a bold lip that gives me a shot of confidence. And though I love a red lip on others, I don't love a pure red lip on me. Instead, I like a bold lip in a wine/burgundy color. Especially if it's a shade the  goes well WITH red for a nice look without going for matchy-matchy.
And you want to know what's better than a bold lip? A bold lip that wears well. And doesn't transfer onto coffee cups and drinking glasses!
Enter into my life the magic that is Charlotte Tilbury's Limitless Lucky Lips in "Berry Lucky". A bold, matte lip color that gives me an extra bounce in my step.
This is a limited edition item which means it can only be ordered directly from Charlotte Tilbury. (And if you are a ShopRunner member, you get 2-day shipping). But in addition to the gorgeous, highly pigmented color, this lipstick lasts for hours.
The first day I wore it, I put it on at 6:30 AM before I started coaching calls. I coached 2 clients, drank a cup of coffee, and two glasses of water. And when I was heading to the grocery store around 9 AM, I looked in the mirror and realized my lipstick still looked great. Without needing to reapply.
It has a nice matte finish, doesn't dry out your lips, and did you catch that it won't transfer to your cup of glass? A perfect bold lip for holiday parties!
I also ordered the lipstick in Cherry Dream (which I like but don't love as much as the Berry Lucky as it inches towards the pink side of red). And I am probably going to add Everlasting Blossom to my arsenal after the holidays.
Isn't it amazing how small things can make us feel better in our own skin.
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Though I am (mostly) trying not to eat too much gluten, I can’t help but make cookies this time of year. One, because I – and probably you – can use a little baking therapy right now. And, two, because cookies makes an easy thing to gift to neighbors and friends.
And while I know that cut-out sugar cookies with elaborate frosting is beautiful, I am not that talented (or patient). These are all drop-type cookies that are easy to make and delicious to eat or share. All of these cookies can be frozen which means you can bake a batch (or two) now without any intention of using them until later.
It's also something something to bring to any holiday gathering. What hostess wouldn't be pleased with a tray of assorted holiday cookies.
“You can be unhappy before eating a cookie.
And you can be unhappy after eating a cookie.
But it's hard to be unhappy WHILE EATING a cookie.”
--Ina Garten
Oatmeal Cranberry White Chocolate Cookies
Let's begin with a cookie containing a seasonal favorite ingredient: Oatmeal Cranberry White Chocolate  Cookies (since I have a big bag of crasins thanks to trying this new to me side dish recipe.) And a note: though I normally recommend unsalted butter for baking, this recipe just sings with the slightly salty touch.
Heat oven to 350°F and line a couple of cookie sheets with parchment paper for easier baking.
In large bowl, cream together 2 sticks of (softened) salted butter with ¾ cup of firmly packed brown sugar and ½ cup granulated sugar. Add 2 Eggs and 1 teaspoon vanilla.
In a separate bowl, sift together 1-1/2 Cups all-purpose flour (or ¾ cup whole wheat flour and ¾ cup all-purpose flour) with 1 Teaspoon Baking Soda, 2 Teaspoons cinnamon, and 1/2 Teaspoon salt. Combine in with butter and sugar mixture. Don’t over-mix.
Add 3 Cups Old fashioned (or rolled oats - not instant) and 2/3 cup of dried cranberries and 2/3 cup white chocolate chunks or chips and stir until incorporated
Drop dough by rounded tablespoonful onto the parchment lined (or ungreased) cookie sheets (I use a small ice cream scoop so the cookies will all be about the same size). Bake 8 to 10 minutes or until light golden brown. Cool 1 minute on cookie sheets; remove to wire rack. Cool completely. Cookies can be frozen for up to six months.
Ginger Molasses Cookies
I don't know about you, but I have always loved the idea of gingerbread during the holiday season. But what  I don't love is how most gingerbread cookies end up hard and crispy. Instead, I prefer big, soft cookies. Which is where these Ginger Molasses Cookies comes in.
This dough can be made up to two or three days ahead of time. So, it's something you can mix together in the evening and bake the next day.
Before you begin, you want to set on the counter 1 large egg and ¾ cup unsalted butter (which is 1 ½ sticks) and let them both come to room temperature. I usually do this by putting the egg in a bowl with a couple of paper towels under it so it doesn’t crack.
When you’re ready, first whisk together all your dry ingredients: 2 and 1/4 cups all-purpose flour (I’ve also made these with whole wheat flour), 1 and 1/2 teaspoons baking soda, 2 teaspoons ground ginger, 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon, 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves, 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg, 1/4 teaspoon salt then set aside.
I know that’s a lot of spices you may not cook with… you can leave out the cloves and nutmeg. Or substitute ½ teaspoon of pumpkin pie spice to replace them.
Another solution is to purchase the small (0.9 oz) spices...no matter what way you decide to go. (Also see notes below)
In a large bowl using a hand-held or stand mixer cream together the softened butter with ½ cup brown sugar and ¼ cup of sugar until creamy and combined.
Add ½ cup of unsulphured or dark molasses until well combined. I always use Grandma's Original Molasses. (A trick is to spray your measuring cup with a little bit of Pam and use a rubber spatula to scrape all the molasses out.)
Then add the egg along with 2 teaspoons of vanilla extract. (Or did you know that you can substitute bourbon for vanilla?)
On low speed, slowly mix the dry ingredients into the wet ingredients until combined. The cookie dough will be sticky. Cover the mixing bowl tightly with aluminum foil or plastic wrap and chill for 1 hour and up to 2-3 days.
When you're ready to bake, preheat oven to 350 (or 325 if you are using a convection setting) Line two large baking sheets with parchment paper. Set aside.
Put ¼ cup of sugar – preferably turbinado sugar (aka Sugar in the Raw) – in a shallow bowl or plate with a rim.
Remove cookie dough from the refrigerator. If the cookie dough chilled longer than 2 hours, let it sit at room temperature for at least 30 minutes. The cookies may not spread in the oven if the dough is that cold.
Roll cookie dough, 1 Tablespoon each, into balls. Again, I like using an ice cream scoop to measure out the dough.
Roll each in the dish of sugar and arrange 3 inches apart on the baking sheets. Bake for 11-12 minutes or until edges appear set. Let them sit on the cookie sheet for about 5 minutes before you place them on a wire rack to cool.
These will still be good for about a week at room temperature. Or you can freeze them up to three months.
Eggnog Cookies
One of my favorite cookies is these Eggnog Cookies, truly the softest, tastiest sugar type cookies.... and I could eat an entire batch myself with a pot of coffee on a cold day!
Sift together 2 ½ cups of flour (you can mix half all-purpose and half whole wheat) with 1 teaspoon of  baking powder, 1 teaspoon of cinnamon and 1 teaspoon of ground nutmeg. Set aside. Then, Cream together 2 sticks of salted butter and ¾ cup of sugar. Add ½ cup of eggnog, 1 egg, and 1 teaspoon of vanilla.
Add flour and spice mixture until a smooth dough forms, but don’t over mix (or your cookies will be tough).
Roll the dough into a thick log. Chill it several hours, until somewhat firm (it will still be a bit soft because of the high butter content), then roll the log in turbinado or colored sugar and slice. Alternatively, you can cut out shapes with this dough as well.
Preheat oven to 350° F. and bake on a cookie sheet for 10 to 12 minutes. Cool cookies on a wire rack to cool.
In a saucepan warm ¼ cup eggnog and 2 tablespoon butter over low heat. Do not allow this mixture to boil! When butter is just melted, stir in 3 cups double-sifted confectioners’ sugar. Then, add 1 tablespoon of brandy or rum (or 1/2 teaspoon rum extract). Keep stirring until the sugar is melted and a smooth glaze forms.
I usually just put the cookies on waxed paper and pour the glaze over the cooled cookies and then, while the glaze is still wet, sprinkle with nutmeg.
If you freeze these and plan on gifting them later, freeze unfrosted. And frost them before you deliver. Be sure and put waxed paper between your layers so the frosting doesn't transfer!
Magic Seven Layer Cookies
If you’re a child of the 80’s, you’ll certainly recognize “Magic Seven Layer Bars”. Those bars were at every holiday and office party I attended. Of course, growing up in Texas, there were a lot of recipes that began  with “One can of sweetened, condensed milk…”
This recipe, though, takes that concept and delivers up as a less messy, easier to eat and transport, yet just as delicious cookie.
Oh, and in case you don’t keep salted butter on hand, this recipe will use up the last of the salted butter from a 4-stick box if you also made the Oatmeal Cookies with Craisins and White Chocolate above.
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Line baking sheets with parchment paper.
In a medium bowl, whisk together 3 cups graham cracker crumbs (about 27 rectangles finely crushed or buy the crumbs on their own), 1 cup all-purpose flour, 1 tablespoon baking powder, and ¼ teaspoon salt.
In a large bowl with an electric mixer (handheld or a stand mixer), cream together 2 cans (14-ounces each) sweetened condensed milk, 1 cup (2 sticks) salted butter, softened, 2 teaspoons vanilla.
Add the dry ingredients into the creamed butter, stir lightly to begin combining. Then add in 2 cups chocolate chips (I prefer semi-sweet or even a dark chocolate chip), 2 cups butterscotch chips, and 2 cups unsweetened shredded coconut.
Scoop the dough into heaping tablespoon-sized balls onto the prepared baking sheets. Bake for 8-10 minutes.
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As we wrap up the last month of 2021, it's time to say "Goodbye" to 2022. But before we leave, let's work with your Word of the Year one more time. It's a great way to offer gratitude for how your word has served you this year...and solidify what Word (or Words) will be your companion in the year ahead.
In my experience our words work their own special magic whether we check in with them or not, but keeping them in mind certainly helps boost their ability to serve us.
Here's some ways to play and connect in this month:
- Ask yourself: What ways is my WORD inviting me to offer myself compassion and
 forgiveness? Grab a sheet of paper, your journal, or open a blank document on your computer to explore the answers to this question.
- How has my WORD be a jumping off point to give myself full permission to let go of the ways in which I allow grudges and anger to harden me? And in what ways can my word help me let things go, soften, and move forward? Sometimes, we linger over old stories of our lives and allow them to affect who we are in the future. How might letting go with love, compassion, grace, and forgiveness help you soften towards yourself?
- Use your WORD as a jumping off point to brainstorm how you can be more compassionate and forgiving to yourself in 2022? What I mean by this is to brainstorm magical and beautiful things in your environment...and then think about ways to create more ordinary magic.....and explore how your WORD supports that. And, in fact, can help spark magic and joy.
PS - I shared my Word of the Year guide in last month's newsletter. If you haven't yet downloaded it, you can access it by clicking here ==>
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I am accepting two new clients in 2022. Is one of these spots for you? In addition to ongoing coaching, I am also available for one time strategy sessions to help you jump start your goals or gain clarity around your life.
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