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Life doesn’t owe you a living. Think outside the box
world champion of self.
 
☁️🌈  ☁️  🌈  ☁️  🌈  ☁️

I'd get out of bed a moment earlier but then i remember you can't paste links on instagram. A fittingly belittling gesture of the tech world galvanising itself to mock hard working self promoting artists. It's a long way from Myspace which let you upload your own music and spared us the groupthink of facebook. 

Listen to oasis' don't look back in anger, for some reason. 

Caring is capital. Wanting better things for yourself. Feeling hard done by is a scratchy form of self-love. But you take it. The card is still good. Life tops you up with the energy to trust beauty every birthday.

Edge off the layer of chemical media emotional weirdness. Go for a swim in silence. Have a long walk in the forests of time. 

I felt the recent earthquake. I was chairlifted by the elves of my previous selves. 
I thought it was a pre-Christmas promotional activity by Mother Nature. 

Mother Nature's like "Jesus gets Easter and Christmas and all I have is Earth Hour."

Mother's Day could be rebranded Mother Earth Day. We could all plant a tree. And plant the baggage of our Mothers. Except it wouldn't be doing much use for the environment. It would soon be taken literally. There'd be hundreds and thousands of little rubber suitcases. Children would be encouraged to write their problems inside and bury them somewhere, or throw them into the sea. 

Humans. They mean well, but it's always about the execution. Whoever invented beurocracy should have a good hard look at themselves. (The spelling alone is complicated.) Perhaps we peaked at our village structure. We were living our best lives about 400 years ago. So we can be forgiven for feeling like we've had an internal bleaching incident. Get back to nature, but just don't do it by watching Back To Nature on the ABC. 

Post-modernism. We'll have the last laugh.
Won't be necessarily laughing with you.  

☀️  🌙  ☀️  


news

 
  • I wrote a column about my adoration for Aimee Mann & a genuflect on CD nostalgia and receiving Triple J in grade ten. It's another Friendly instalment in the juzzy logic foggy empire.

    Read Lucky I'm With Aimee

     
 
  • (If the brackets are a whole sentence then the full stop goes inside.) If the brackets are part of a sentence (then I guess it goes out).
 
  • Evil Empire by Rage Against The Machine had a lot of expectation placed upon it. I mean, their debut album was a cold-blooded KILLA! And despite the thrill of Bulls On Parade and People Of The Sun, as a whole it couldn't possibly stand up. That said, it was pretty much the first CD I bought with my own money and I adored it. The kid on the front intrigued me. He was kind of hot. Sort of Alfred E. Neuman's badass older brother? (Incidentally when I met Ex-Burnie muso Van Walker on Parklands High School's English Camp he insisted I resembled the Mad Magazine mascot.)
 
  • There was a pandemic. I risked my life to buy gluten free bread. It was a real scramble as I mercilessly hustled the stacks searching for the latest use by date. I mean, what can I say, no matter what scale of problem you throw my way, I will inevitably push back and refuse to deviate from my god-given plan of light entertainment to a small percentage of Australians accompanying an admirably disciplined pursuit of health and wellboing (well-'boing' being the sound of a person snapping between states of anxiety and calm regardless of their diet, socio economic status, moon-cycle or Carlton's position on the ladder.)

    The real question is what was that naturopath's name again and do you think I still need to be on this detox diet even though it's been four years and I am still quite weird.

    ANSWERS AT BOTTOM

     
  • I did not buy a cat. Again. Current modelling (me flouncing around in a towel) shows it is unlikely I will purchase a cat anytime in the next quarter. If anyone has discount vouchers within their expiry or would like me to rescue a cat (in the sense of how T-100 rescues John Connor in Terminator 2) then I may entertain otters.
 
  • Where can I get said otters? Google otters coburg.
   
  • Get Up Mum is being turned into a one man theatre show. It's coming 2022 so load up your Dollarmites account and hold onto your personal floatation device. 

 
this reminds me of the mysterious cities of gold theme song
JUSTIN'S SUPER FUN MOVIE AND TV RECOMMENDATIONS: 
  1. There are some great music docos kicking about. Sparks and Sisters With Transistors. I got a bit bored halfway through the Velvet Underground one (sorry Conrad). Mark Ronson has a groovy TV show called Watch The Sound & Paul McCartney has a crack in McCartney 321.
     
  2. Maid is my favourite TV show lately. I would go on more about the level of crushes I had on Andie MacDowell and ...  but look I ... think Margaret Qualley (Andie MacDowell's daughter in show / real-life) gives a stirring portrayal of what it's like to be struggling, poor and paintfully good looking. (I'll have you know she's excellent in Fosse Verdon, Once Upon A Time In Hollywood & My Salinger Year but who's paying attention?)
     
  3. Um, like, that one with the guy from third rock? I don't know. Mr Corman? That's good right? Or was he in Doogie Howser? I like that it's about a boy having anxiety. I'm still dubious about American men being very extroverted in qualifying their emotions to each other, and actually asking one another if they're okay. I mean, I feel that if we did an Australian remake of this show it would be 23 minutes of no-one talking or just mumbling about sport and what movies they've seen followed by a one minute dramatic cliff-hanger at the end as one of them, very drunk, tries to open up about how miserable they are while the other looks terrified and throws up in a bush.
     
  4. Hey Radiohead fans. It looks like they've combined Kid A / Amnesiac into a deluxe 20 year package of intrigue. Kid A was one of the biggest musical deals of my lifetime. As soon as I carried the CD into the house my mate Adam and I lay on our backs on the floor of the lounge and let the space-age tapestry inject our minds eye with starbursts of dark energy.
     
  5. Not really a TV recommendation but what is up with Pure Harvest Almond Milk altering their recipe from 10% almonds to 7% almonds? Has Nutty Bruce spooked them? Have the food scientists made the necessary arrangements to expand their Consume within... recommendations from the North Korean 3-4 days to the California Girls 5? No wonder I'm sleeping easier, knowing I've got an absolute paddock of time and space in which to slurp my nut "drink" - but am I living my best breakfast life knowing there is technically less nut per mil. NUT PER MIL RATIOS ARENT GOING TO INFLATE THEMSELVES, FIENDS. WHY NOT LIE AND SAY THERE'S 23% ALMONDS AND GET MICHAEL JORDAN TO SPONSOR IT - I'D NEVER KNOW. 
     
  6. Remember the brand of chocolate milk called 'Gary' that came out in 1998? We had it at Hellver College and it had jokes on the carton like "open Gary this end" and "shake Gary well."
Nothing to do with COVID. This is Burnie all year round.
 
Buy me a Jennie Garth autographed workout poster as a going away present.

         (Where am I going?)
Forward March Forward March
"Lucky I'm With Aimee" - a ❤️ letter to 1996
Embarrassed? Itchy? Secretly buff?
Mouthwash, jukebox, gasoline.
Please fill in the attached farm and allow 7-10 walking days (just walk away Renae). 






ANSWERS

Hamish Everard
No probably not
Most internet thing of all time: "What the kid from the cover of Evil Empire looks like now"






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Justin Heazlewood // The Bedroom Philosopher · 11 Knock Knock Drive · Cassingle, Northern Territory 0820 · Australia

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