|
Dear reader,
The talisman was my therapist’s idea.
“I don’t want to be like this, the mom who yells,” I sighed into the phone during a recent session. “But Jack wouldn’t listen and... I lost it. I apologized, but I still feel horrible.”
My therapist, I imagine, nodded. “Your husband has been traveling for weeks, and that’s hard. Sounds like you need something to remind you how you want to be,” she said, pausing to think. “Maybe something soft, like a scarf or a ribbon? A smooth stone you could keep in your pocket?”
“Or a piece of jewelry?” I offered. “Jack would love that!” Gemstones and treasures fascinate my son. I knew just where I’d order from, a company I admire that pairs verses of Scripture with necklaces, earrings and bracelets.
Ten days later, I unboxed my talisman and cradled it in my hands. Afternoon sun shone through the windows and glinted off of its delicate chain. A shiver ran down my spine. “Mommy, what’s that?” Jack asked, already reaching for the necklace.
“My new necklace,” I said, lightly handing it to him. "Do you like it?”
“Yes!” he exclaimed, running his fingers over its soft pendant.
“Shall I try it on?” I said, taking the necklace back and draping it over my head. I raced to the mirror to admire it. A rose gold chain punctuated with a smooth beige tassel rested right above my heart — something soft "to remind me how I want to be." My therapist would be proud.
Paired with my necklace came a card encouraging me to “...lead a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love” (Ephesians 4:2). Would this necklace help me parent more gently, even in the toughest moments, reflecting God's compassion and love? I hoped so.
The next morning, when it was time for Jack to get dressed for preschool, my darling boy scrunched up his face as if he’d eaten a rotten egg. He yelped, “I DON'T WANNA go to school!” and threw himself on his bed, legs flailing.
I brushed my fingertips against my talisman's tassel. “Bear with him in love, bear with him in love,” I murmured to myself. But how to get Jack out the door? I took a deep breath and fought the urge to bark a warning. "You don't want to go to school, and it's making you feel upset," I said to my son. "I don't always want to go to work, either."
His voice quieted, though he continued whimpering. Watching him struggle, I wondered about the opposite of shouting. For some strange reason, I thought, WWMPD (What Would Mary Poppins Do?). Could I solve this with a song?
“Super Jack is going to school!” I sang, startling Jack out of his glad whining. (Superman is his favorite hero.) To my surprise, he crawled off his bed to receive my help getting dressed. For each step of our routine, I added new verses — Super Jack is putting on socks, brushing his teeth, etc. — and his face brightened with delight.
An ordinary object made way for a holy, loving moment.
Now, this talisman isn't a magic pill for good behavior; in fact, it's more compass than cure. I'm human, and thus, I'll keep making mistakes and asking for forgiveness.
But I can keep looking to Scripture to remind me how I want to be. God, after all, is the gentlest parent. And God’s grace is big enough and soft enough to fill in our gaps.
|
|
NAME WHAT YOU WANT: It sounds simple, doesn't it? Yet, the older I've gotten, and the more obligations stack up, naming what I want challenges me. Marilyn McEntyre, who authored Make a List: How a Simple Practice Can Change Our Lives and Open Our Heart, understands this. She wrote, “Whatever your wants, listing them can not only give direction but also unleash the energy you need to move in that direction.”
To aid discernment, McEntyre suggests making a “What I want now” list as well as a “What I want but hesitate to ask for” list. I've listed to-dos, goals and even gift ideas but never my desires. Curious, I took her advice. Some of my wants: new boots for the winter, a healthy second baby, paid family leave in the U.S., world peace, a working oven, more time with friends. The list went on, but I'll spare you the rest.
Of course I won't get everything I want, but the exercise itself both surprised and delighted me. McEntyre puts it best, “The more we list various kinds of wants, the more we discover that desire itself is a life force… know[ing] what we want helps us consider what’s possible and also recognize what we may simply need to let go of." This month, in addition to your regular to-do list, list your wants and notice what the act does for you.
AN ADVENT PRACTICE: For those who observe Advent, which begins at the end of November, here’s a lovely calendar from Ellie Roscher filled with tiny things you can do each day of the season to care for yourself and others. At a time when there can be so much focus on holiday chores, especially for moms, these prompts center peace and simplicity. Get it here.
|
|
|
Four ideas for a "kinder" Thanksgiving:
- PRACTICE GRATITUDE: Maybe your family or friend group with whom you celebrate Thanksgiving already has a gratitude tradition. If they don't, why not start one this year? You might take time during or before your meal to go around the table, offering prayers of gratitude. For a fun twist, instead of listing things you're thankful for, you might take turns thanking each person at the table for everything they do and are.
- HONOR HISTORY: As part of blessing your meal or performing a toast, offer a land acknowledgment honoring the Indigenous people who first lived in your area. See this article for tips.
- GIVE BACK: Take Thanksgiving on the road and volunteer to serve at a nearby shelter, soup kitchen or nursing home, whether that's cooking, doling out mashed potatoes or chatting with and bringing cheer to guests.
- EXPAND YOUR TABLE: Taking the necessary safety precautions to prevent contagion, invite a friend or neighbor who may be spending the holiday alone to your Thanksgiving feast. Or, if you know an elderly person who's homebound, save them a slice of pie and leftover Thanksgiving goodies to drop off after your main celebration. When you visit, ask to stay for a time of fellowship.
SHOW LOVE: Beyond Thanksgiving, I loved this Cup of Jo post on the small ways we show love to our kiddos. Be sure to read the reflection and the fun reader comments. (Some ideas for children might even adapt well for adults.) I can't wait to try this out with my son!
|
|
|
Things I read and loved last month:
A new prayer book for parents filled with words of love, light, warmth and encouragement.
“Perhaps the trick to life is to focus only on what’s in front of you, all of it: the faint blue lines on a piece of graph paper, the sun through a skylight, the bright yellow of tropical fruit growing improbably in a living room in the northeastern United States, the surprise of belonging and love.”
This poem that took my breath away. (Listen on Poetry Unbound, and stay for the host's analysis!)
“...most kids would rather their loved ones be there with them and spend quality time with them. I never forgot that; it was always in the back of my mind. And this trip has been about that—just hanging out every day, talking about life."
The words of brave mamas who shared openly during this past Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month, including Ashlee and Jodie, whose miscarriage stories made me sob and inspired me to share more of mine.
“When I leave, off these steps, ain’t no telling what’s gonna happen. ... I can fall. I can drop. But I’m gonna walk. Not using my eyes. I’m gonna walk in faith.”
Plus, a few pieces I published:
|
|
|
One more thing before you go: I have exciting family news to share! (ICYMI on social media; click the link for details.) As the countdown continues, I'm still praying help-thanks-wow without ceasing.
Speaking of giving thanks, have I told you lately that I'm grateful for you? It's a privilege to connect with you in this space. Thank you for reading.
If you're enjoying this newsletter, I have an awkward favor to ask. Will you take a moment to forward it to a friend? If you received this newsletter from a friend, you may subscribe here. Look for your next issue in December!
In gratitude,
Erin
P.S., Feel free to hit reply and let me know what's on your heart — a prayer request, your favorite Thanksgiving dish (#teamgreenbeancasserole) or what came up when you tried the list your wants writing exercise.
|
|
"Love yourself.
Then forget it.
Then, love the world."
—Mary Oliver
|
|
|
|
|
|
