November 23, 2021
TITLE: “The Lightbulb, the Turkey and Me”
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Hi there!
I hope all of you are safe and well… and have reason to be thankful.
I’ve missed you.
So many things have happened since we were last in touch, which hopefully will explain why you haven’t heard from me for a while, and you’ll forgive me.
First some personal news.
I turned 85 on October 22. They say you’re only as old as you feel.
Well then, I’m really lucky… because I don’t feel a day over 83!
Now and then, when I’m really acting silly, my wife Simone will insist I’m “85 going on 14.”
Thanks to those of you who sent birthday wishes.
Next, about the book. After months of interviewing potential editors from Boston to Seattle, I was starting to wonder if I’d ever find the right person to critique and edit my manuscript, I FOUND HIM!
He's a genius named Robert Morgan Fisher.
Robert's steeped in music, Hollywood history, and pop culture, and in our first phone conversation we talked for over an hour and quickly developed the simpatico I was hoping for.
And here’s the ironic icing on the cake. He lives about 5 minutes from me in Woodland Hills and teaches at my alma mater UCLA. (Go Bruins!!!)
One problem we have to attack is the formidable length of my manuscript. Would you believe it’s 430 pages?!
What stories to cut? Ozzie and Harriet? “Gidget”? Dick Clark? Elvis?
Writers have an expression for the process of going back over your book one more time to shorten it. It’s called “deciding “which of your babies to kill.”
That’s a bit overdramatic but you get the point.
We are definitely planning on a Spring ’22 release.
Much to do in terms of choosing what of the 2,000 photos I have we should use.
I’ve run across a few shots that really conjure up memories.
To show you how unconventional the Preps were, here’s a shot from our concert at Penn State in 1964. Let’s see Peter, Paul and Mary do this!!!
Despite my original plan to self-publish on Amazon, my editor, who knows publishing well, has urged me to first submit it to the “big guys”… Random House etc. because it so much captures Hollywood in the Fab. ’50s.
Do you love it? I’m 85 and still auditioning?!
It’s all really exciting and challenging and keeping me busy as all get out.
So, I hope you’ll forgive my sending a re-run from last Thanksgiving.
Here it is...
As some of you know, I’m a preacher’s kid from West Hollywood.
A Pastor’s home is a traditional “port in the storm” for all kinds of people who are down on their luck… particularly at this time of year.
No Thanksgiving dinner at our house was ever just for our family of four. Our “guest” might be a runaway teenager, an abused wife, a homesick serviceman or a drunk we dragged out of the oleander bushes where he had passed out.
Mom fed all of us mountains of the best home-cooked food in the world.
And our animated and jovial family banter at the table usually meant no wayfarers ever left the parsonage as forlorn as when they arrived.
One Thanksgiving when I was 15, I screwed up and… well, here’s what happened.
This year the turkey is almost 20 lbs. and sits in a huge pot at the far end of the kitchen table. Mom puts in the stuffing and veggies, bastes it, and places it in the oven.
After about 20 minutes, she removes it and carefully places it back on her end of the table to baste it some more.
That’s when the overhead light in the kitchen goes out.
No problem. There’s her cocky younger son ready to come to the rescue.
I race to the cupboard, grab a fresh light bulb and place a chair next to the opposite end of the table from the turkey - which by now is simmering in a cauldron of succulent juices.
Now, with a screw-up worthy of Inspector Clouseau, I get up on the chair and then step up on my end of the table to replace the bulb.
Of course, this triggers what might be called the “teeter-totter” effect, and the turkey’s end of the table springs up and the 20 lb. bird – with all the trimmings – slides down the table and lands in my lap just as my butt hits the ground.
I am a mess.
Mom is not thrilled.
Dad and my brother come running when they hear the crash.
And there I am covered with dressing and juice, with a turkey nestled on top of my groin.
We’re all having a good laugh as they help me get up and clean off before they set about saving Mom’s turkey.
It’s then I realize that I’ve been doubly stupid.
I neglected to let go of the light bulb when I hit the ground, and my right hand is now clutching a mass of glass shards… and bleeding.
But all’s well that ends well.
Ultimately, we’re able to rescue the turkey and trimmings and feast royally as usual.
That is, once Dad brings me back from the emergency hospital.
Maybe I got a break because my intentions were good.
I needed only 4 stitches at the base of my right thumb, but the doctor said I missed severing a tendon by a milliliter—which would have been very serious because I would have had to eat a drumstick with my left hand for the rest of my life which—believe me—wasn’t easy that afternoon.
I still have the scar which helps keep me humble. And my jeans never stopped smelling of turkey grease no matter how many times Mom washed them.
Whatever… I was lucky, not only to survive my clumsiness, but to grow up in a family where we could laugh it off and share our Holiday dinner with others who weren’t as fortunate.
I’ll try not to get “preachy” about this, but let me make a friendly suggestion.
I’ve been told by experts that one of the most effective ways to fight off tedium, the blahs, the blues, and even depression, is to practice… GRATITUDE.
As corny as it may sound, make a real effort this year to count your blessings like family and friends. After all, it is called THANKS giving.
As for me, in addition to all the other good things I’ve had come my way over eight decades, I now have friends like all of you I can keep in touch with to share a few memories and a laugh or two.
I promise to do my small part to send you some fun tales, tributes, and hopefully some hilarity in the days ahead.
Here come the Holidays.
Let’s all make an effort to be grateful and keep in touch.
Until next time, take good care of yourself and each other.
And try to keep the turkey on the table.
All the best,
b
P.S. You might want to check out brucebelland.com if you haven’t for a while. Some fun new stuff.
