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Business-Like Relationship
You don’t have to be friends, but you do need to work together with your co-parent!
Co-parents need to form and maintain a relationship that allows them to work together. One major way to reduce conflict with your co-parent is to shift from a romantic relationship to a business-like relationship. Romantic relationships look to each other for fulfillment, meaning and other existential stuff. As a result, they are highly emotional and capable of bringing great joy and deep sorrow. On the other hand, business-like relationships are keenly focused on one thing – the bottom line. For businesses, the bottom line is profits. Even their charity work is to increase their reputation in the community, which will ultimately translate into more profits.
For co-parents the bottom line is the well being of the children – if the children are struggling, the business is failing. Business-like relationships don’t require you and your co-parent to be friends, but only to be friendly, courteous, polite and respectful. Businesses may not like how the other partners conduct their business, but don’t interfere unless it’s going to affect the bottom line. Stability and reliability are key traits of profitable businesses. They allow each partner to plan and put into practice their own business activity, which ultimately increases the bottom line. Businesses learn to make decisions based on goals and not emotions. Even when emotions enter the business relationship, partners attempt to return their focus as quickly as possible to the bottom line. By focusing on what you have in common – increasing your bottom line – it becomes easier to work with people, even those you don’t particularly like.
All good business relationships have a contract. Creating a co-parenting agreement contract helps co-parents think through major decisions that need to be addressed and come to an agreement about each co-parent’s responsibilities. Creating a detailed contract allows you and your co-parent to work out potential problems before they occur. Every successful business focuses on its bottom line. The bottom line for co-parents is the well-being and success of their children. Without a contract, even well intentioned people forget or remember incorrectly, so be sure to write down your contract.
Some important topics to discuss and agree upon with your co-parent:
- Education and after school activities
- Medical care
- Religion and cultural heritage
- Legal custody
- Residential arrangements/parenting time schedule
- Holidays
- Vacations
- Participation in children’s activities
- Child care
- Time with grandparents and extended family
If negotiations with your co-parent get too difficult or tense, sometimes it’s necessary to use a mediator or third party to help agree upon what is best for your children.
For more information on mediation and creating a parenting plan and contract, check out these fact sheets
Mediation
Early Settlement Mediation Programs
Creating a Parenting Plan Worksheet
Need more help? Co-Parenting is hard. We're here to help! Learn more about the Co-Parenting for Resilience Program, part of the Extension mission of Oklahoma State University's College of Education and Human Sciences.
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