January 2022 // Dispatch #1
TURNS OUT I'M VAST & PETTY
Well, hello there! Do you recognize me in my fancy shmancy new look? Are you thrown by the fact that it's been ages? Guys, don't worry, it's not three labradoodles stacked up in a trench coat––it's me! Shira! All gussied up & ready to go.
This year I'm setting the intention of writing two Zines per month. I want to share with you the whoas & wows of my now. The hiccups, the ride, the vintage & the new. & While we're at it, Happy New Year! New Year's is my favorite holiday. I had a mentor who once called it "a necessary illusion." I like that. We get to go through our inventory & say "nah" to what doesn't serve us anymore & "welcome" to what we'd like to nourish.
New Year's can just be an ordinary day turning into another ordinary day. Or it can be a threshold. We can invite ourselves onto a precipice of sorts––wind in our hair, rocks tumbling from where our toes touch the edge, to say "yes" to what's possible.
Every New Year's Eve & Day, I look over my habits & rituals & take an inventory as to what I'd like to keep or toss. I reflect on how the ritual has served me, or perhaps limited me. Angel often jokes (shouts) that I have "Too many rituals!" Indeed, the line between creating positive structure & being locked into rigidity can be a thin one. So New Years is a perfect time to reassess. For the last few years my rituals have been:
- 1) Keep a Gratitude Journal. I've done this for four years now. It's a really meaningful gesture to end the day, no matter what kind of day it's been, by highlighting the blessings & letting trivialities go.
- 2) Keep a visual diary via the 1SE app. Seeing a mini-movie of my past 3 years has been so heartwarming. Plus, watching impermanence in action is a trip.
- 3) Meditate for 20-40 minutes a day. Afterwards, repeat The Five Remembrances & dedicate the merit.
But after many years of multiple intentions & habits, I've noticed that I've become stressed by the sheer number of things to remember to do by the end of the day––& that started to feel a touch counterintuitive. Running around stressed in the name of peace? In the spirit of prioritizing a deeper well over many shallow holes, for 2022 I'm focusing on simplifying. After much thought, I'm releasing keeping a visual diary, knowing I can always return to it, but that it hasn't been as foundational as my other practices.
I toyed with stopping my Gratitude Journal. But through all the ups & downs of sticking to it, my gratitude practice has come to feel indispensable. So that stays. My meditation practice has been incredibly challenging (Does this count? 20 minutes lying down with my knees up on an air mattress at 1:30 AM after walking the dog & in the midst of a huge move? Inhale. Release all expectations. Exhale. Yes, it counts.)
Meditation has been my "control." No, not in the usual sense of the word. In the scientific sense: "the element that remains unchanged or unaffected by other variables." No matter what, I will sit (or lie down). No matter what, I meet myself where I'm at, every single day, on purpose.
Whether I'm elated or disappointed, whether I'm experiencing massive uncertainty or a huge emotional breakthrough, I've been carving out space for eyes closed, watch thoughts, let go, get distracted, let go, breathe in, breathe out, let go––over & over again. When I carve out time to be with my mind I feel like I'm practicing good mental hygiene; or, perhaps a stranger analogy, like I'm investing in life insurance––LOL, albeit a different kind. It's not that when I die my beneficiaries will get a saucy sum; it's rather that as life keeps lifing in all its splendor & splash & stress, I have some tools to appreciate the good for the good & not add more mammoth kaka to the already mounting kaka. Perspective, if you will. A collaboration with grace.
I like Khandro Rinpoche's definition of meditation, "becoming familiar with myself." It's equal parts humbling & revelatory. The mind is so vast & so petty, so unknowable & yet workable. I like having a laboratory (whether on the cushion or the air mattress) where I can study its whims & wonder. I'm not giving up this ritual anytime soon.
I'm taking a step toward my pettiness, a step toward my vastness, my sleeves rolled up & my sight on––in the words of Muriel Ruckeyser––"strong peace, and delight, the wild good."
What conscious rituals did you participate in last year? Which are you keeping & why? Which are you ready to release? If the final Remembrance is true, "My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand," which actions have steadied you & contributed to your peace?
Some other rituals / happenings / joyparades / commitments / spontaneous choices that have contributed to my strong peace:
• I've been in therapy twice a week for nearly a year HIGH RECOMMEND
• I've prioritized having FUNNNNNN & not overthinking um EVERYTHING
• I watched & rewatched all of of Succession Season 3 because duh
• I've been buying an impeccable oat milk matcha latte at the local coffee spot so often that I bought a matcha kit & frother for our home which I'll be testing out tomorrow I'LL LET YOU KNOW HOW IT GOES
• I'm constantly strategizing for Benito Skinner to be our sperm donor NBD
• riding ponies
• lingering on sunsets
• seeing a single sea lion bobbing in the waves & taking it as a sign & not needing to know what the sign means IT WAS ENOUGH to see his perfect slick grey head which looked like a diver & know one day he'll inevitably make it into my poems...
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• In October Angel & I spent 2 1/2 weeks at Slough Farm on Martha's Vineyard writing & riding ponies (really)
• I've got 2 poems about becoming someone new in Electric Literature including one inspired by a headline: Missing Woman Unwittingly Joins Search Party Looking for Herself
• In April I filmed a profile for PBS' Articulate series. It's out now :)
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• Radiooooo is my best friend. Listen to music from all over the world from multiple eras
• When I'm feeling overwhelmed or just plain sad, I watch blooper reels. It's a thing. This week it was The Office & I laugh-cried so hard that poor Angel, working so diligently on her students' poems, nearly had to ask me to leave the room
• Earthshaking interview with Woman Standing Shining (Pat McCabe; Diné grandmother, activist, artist) over at For the Wild Podcast
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Imagine that every object in your vicinity has sage advice to give you. Don't overestimate your powers as a human! Don't think that you're top of the smart-chain. These so-called inanimate beings are chockfull of observations & vibrating with secrets. Give them opportunity to sing. What does the ceiling know? What did the chipped bowl see? Honor their myriad voices. Report their news & wisdoms.
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• ISL alum Katia Engell is leading amazing online collage workshops! Check out the custom portraits she did of fellow ISL alum Lindsay Dunn & her perfect kiddo Izzy!
• Leah Wellbaum's band SLOTHRUST has a new record out called Parallel Timeline & I've been listening to it non-stop. My favorite tracks are A Giant Swallow & Waiting. Plus this live video of Strange Astrology is TOPS!
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Alum Lindsay Mueller hosted an intimate writing session––Danielle Garland, Rachelle Boyson & Jen Haines showed up for "45 minutes of writing, conversation about poetry TikTok, how to know when to edit something or stow it away, sonnets, K-dramas, Olivia Gatwood's videos, a poem that makes space for the ocean, & January 2022 ISL" (which they are all taking & starts today.) Between the 4 of them they've taken 14 In Surreal Life sessions! Stay tuned a la the ISL Insta for more updates on ISLien get-togethers!
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🐣 Sign up up as an Early Bird for our April 2022 ISL Session 🐣
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My phone just gonged.
I heard great things about the Plum Village app. In toying around with all its offerings, I attempted to set a mindfulness bell, hoping it would go off maybe once or twice a day. Instead, I somehow set it to go off on the 45th minute of every hour from 9:45 AM to 11:45 PM.
On a day of fifteen surprising gongs, I often found myself laughing, startled, refocused, awestruck, distracted AF, having skipped a meal, noticing my anxiety, noticing my joy––all depending on the moment, of course. I don't know if I'll keep this accidental ritual.
I just know that I'm here, noticing. & Grateful for you, noticing alongside me.
With ample (that was a typo!) maple syrup,
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