Tell Me How to Win at Life, Lewis

Howdy, hi, hello. Welcome to Engine Failure, a Formula 1 culture newsletter that dives into what the fuck is really going on in F1. It’s written by me, Lily Herman.

I have lived a thousand lives since my last missive, and yet we soldier on!!!! Also, a quick housekeeping note: I somewhat impulse-bought Canadian Grand Prix tickets. So, uh, I’ll see y’all up north in a few months if it doesn’t get postponed thanks to our arch-enemy Omicron. YOLO.

Oh, and I already said this last week, but Engine Failure’s taking off next Monday. See ya on the 3rd, besties!

Today’s issue is a high-key Lewis one, in part because of *gestures wildly*, but also because I think every other driver and WAG was sleeping for approximately 8,000 hours and gave me absolutely nothing. One person who did work overtime for my love, however, was reigning Formula E champ Nyck de Vries.

Listen, F1 might be over, but we’ve got only a little over a month until the Formula E season begin.

If you’re like, “Lily, I have zero interest in watching even more chaos ensue at the hands of electric vehicles,” I feel ya.

But enter Nyck de Vries, Mercedes-EQ driver and FE champion. This compact Dutchman (like, he’s literally 5’6) who loves cleaning supplies and is terrified of all animals just got up at the FIA prize-giving ceremony last week and threw shit in the face of outgoing president Jean Todt in front of everybody (around the 1:08:00 mark): “Jean, you might not remember, but about 10 years ago, we actually met here at Paris…I felt very intimidated of meeting you and I was a bit scared. And actually, you asked me a math question, which I wasn’t able to reply, and you also told me [you] would never take a driver like that, so I felt a little bit bad. I chose to work hard and to fight my way, and luckily, I found a great team in the name of Mercedes that welcomed my lack of math skills.” LMAAAAOOOO.

I don’t know about you, but I need to watch a series where the defending champ is a real Petty Crocker. Oh, and the FE champion before him publicly told the story of taking a call from the president of Portugal while on the toilet mid-shit after winning his title. Are you not intrigued???

If you are, the FE YouTube channel is actually great, and their Unplugged series is like a mini Drive to Survive. It’s not perfect, but it gave me the gist of what’s going on. This newsletter will always be primarily F1, but as we know from my love of precious kumquat Callum Ilott, I tend to dabble elsewhere in the motorsports world. (I also watched this vlog from FE driver Jake Dennis, and I think I like him? I’m still looking for dirt on him before I call myself a fan. You can’t have any surprises in this line of work.)

Anyway, let’s move onto Lewis’s MasterClass!

Full disclosure: MasterClass actually gifted me a free subscription to check out Lewis’s class. (Yooo, thanks MC!) However, they’re not paying me for my opinions, and I actually previously bought my mom (hi, Mom!) a MasterClass subscription a year and a half ago for Mother’s Day 2020; she called it the best present I’ve ever given her. That’s high praise considering that my mom is known for being brutally honest and has no problem being controversial when the moment calls for it. (In case you couldn’t tell from this newsletter, those traits run in the family.)

For those who don’t know what MasterClass is, it’s a platform that enables you to learn a craft from someone who’s considered one of the best at it. Think taking cooking lessons from anger issues king Gordon Ramsay and lessons on storytelling from HBO icon Issa Rae.

Anyway, Lewis’s course is called “A Winning Mindset” and dives into all aspects of his life both on and off of the track that helped him become the GOAT. It’s part-documentary (lots of archival footage of the Young Sir!), part-motivational series, and part-how-to — plus it comes with a downloadable guide. (I love PDFs!!! I’m a PDF Bitch™!!!!) Oh, and Lewis is helping MasterClass distribute 200,000 annual memberships to underserved youth in the UK via his org, the Hamilton Commission. Good stuff, L.

Some of the background info on Lewis may be common knowledge among more hardcore F1 fans, but I still had a good time nonetheless watching this two-hour course. It also helps that I have a lot of goals for 2022, some of which are movement-based. And personally, I find Lewis’s voice very soothing yet riveting. The guy could read me the dictionary and I’d still be enthralled while lulled into a sense of calm.

That said, if you were hoping Lewis would give you his ultra-detailed diet and fitness routines or that he’d send Angela Cullen right to your door to do everything for you, you’re greatly mistaken. It's a good course for motivation, but it doesn't take the place of more detailed instruction elsewhere. There was only ever gonna be so much we'd get out of him, especially with such an abstract class theme.

That said, a few of my favorite sections:

• The Power of Influences and Inspiration: I’m personally someone who relies a lot on being motivated and inspired by others to get going and keep going, so obviously I was all in on this one.

• Pave the Path for Others: Lewis talks more about his DEI efforts and what he’s working on.

• The Power of Diverse Interests: As a person who does things like, oh, I don’t know, create a Formula 1 newsletter despite not being known as a sports writer in any fucking capacity, I appreciated Lewis talking about all of the other shit he does away from the track. (Also a fun tidbit from this section: Lewis has taken up tennis! And he’s bad at it! Same goes for piano and guitar!)

• How to Build Self-Discipline: I’m gearing up to really take my running to the next level in 2022 and 2023 (lmao, why am I doing this to myself???), so this and the section on optimizing the body for performance were of special interest to me.

Do I think MasterClass’s $180/year price tag is worth it? As someone who already enjoys self-improvement/personal hobby stuff and is happy to dip into other classes, I definitely think yes. If you were just going to sign up, view Lewis’s class, and then never log on again, it might not be for you unless you’ve got a chunk of change lying around. But now I want Gordon to teach me how to yell at bacon or whatever he does. That sounds fun.

Like what you see? Check out other recent Engine Failure issues and then forward this newsletter to a friend because you're a nice person who wants to see me ~succeed~:

• What does Pierre Gasly's GF listen to on Spotify?

• We're supposed to pay HOW MUCH for a Max Verstappen sweatshirt?

• Could this random dude be America’s F1 Driver™?

And if you have tips, suggestions, theories, intel, gossip, or questions, tweet me or send me an email.

It may be too late to get folks more gifts in time for Christmas, but if you want to snatch up a few things for the holiday-ish season, here are some F1 ideas:

P1: That weird ass F1 perfume. It’s expensive AF and only available in Europe, but if you live across the pond (or know someone who does) and really want to smell like ~neeeum~, this is the stuff for you. (Hey, if anyone at F1 somehow happens to be reading this, can you please hook an American gal with questionable taste up?)

P2: Antonio Giovinazzi panties. You can also get them with the faces of Daniel Ricciardo, Lando Norris, Carlos Sainz, George Russell, and more. I’m just…gonna leave these here.

P3: A Guenther Steiner mug. Give it to the lovable grump in your life! (And pair it with this T-shirt!)

P4: A Ricciardhoe long-sleeve shirt. Sure, Danny’s not, like, my fave right now, but I’m doing this for all of you Ricciardhoes.

P5: An F1 driver-inspired Starbucks tumbler. There are a bunch of driver options, but the Lewis one is especially cool!

P6: This “Bono, my tyres are gone” T-shirt. It’s great for the whiny biddies you deal with and love anyway!

P7: A random Nico Rosberg sticker here. It’s niche, but enjoy.

I’m also sad to say that the shop where I got my “This Smells Like Lando Norris” candle is currently taking a lil’ break. Sigh.

Thank you to everyone who wrote into last week’s Conspiracy Corner question: Michael Masi has to go into witness protection in a city in your country. Which one do you choose for him and why?

Last week’s question set a new record for most responses, so apologies if I wasn’t able to get yorus in here. Oh, and considering five different people suggested Phoenix, Arizona as the final destination for MiMa, I think that has to take the cake:

• Julio: The Villages, Florida. Because I want Michael Masi to spend the rest of his life in a place where the golf cart is the main mode of transportation.

• Houston: Phoenix, Arizona, because it is a testament to man's arrogance and a perfect place for Masi to fuck off forever.

• James: I was going to say Regina or Saskatoon because it makes the most sense, but I think he’s actually That Guy and would straight up just go to Montreal to live and actually attend the race. He’d hold court at nice dining clubs about the race being poorly run.

• Michael: Washington D.C. He'll blend right in with the rest of the morally corrupt patriarchy.

• Hannah: Bettles, Alaska. The town only has 12 residents, so Michael would be judged 24/7 for his actions.

• Robert: Swindon. It's one of the most dull, depressing, and soul-destroying places in the entire universe, so it would be a fitting punishment for Michael Masi.

• Matt: Weehawken, New Jersey. “Everything is legal in New Jersey.”

• Dara: Holland, IN. Holland, MI. Holland, MN. Holland, NJ. Holland, NY. Holland, VT. Holland, WI. Or for a change of pace: Nederland, CO.

• Rebecca: Somewhere in Florida, like Tallahassee or Orlando. Not Miami, though. He doesn't deserve better than mid-tier Florida. [Editor’s Note: I say this with love, but Michael Masi would fit in great in Jacksonville, especially in the midst of the city's current Urban Meyer upheaval.]

• Elena: Breezewood, PA. I can’t think of a worse place than that hellscape of a town that only exists to sell gas and fast food due to the lack of a real highway interchange. This man deserves to share my pain.

• Stephen: Talladega, Alabama. The shotgun-toting, Ceeers Lite drankin’ die-hard NASCAR hillbillies will protect anyone that says, “I destroyed Formula 1 for NASCAR’s sins. 🙏 In Junior’s name we pray, Bear Bryant.” Disclaimer: I lived in AL for five years too long.

Today’s question: Since the next newsletter issue won’t be out until January 3rd, give me your single-most controversial prediction for the 2022 season. Be bold! Give reasons! Get weird!