Dear Pleo: How can I get my child motivated?

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Compassionate answers for parents of children struggling with mental health challenges, and for those who support them.

"He sleeps for most of the day and can’t seem to do the simplest of things like clean his room or prepare a decent meal. At this point in the semester, I don’t think he can catch up on all of the work he has missed."

Dear Pleo,

We used to have a good relationship with our teenage son. When he was younger, he seemed to be happy, had a lot of friends, and liked going to school.

Over the past year he has become increasingly hostile and has been spending more time alone in his room. He seems to have given up on school (he says he can’t concentrate) and we never hear about his friends anymore. When I try to talk with him, he gets really angry and mean. He sleeps for most of the day and can’t seem to do the simplest of things like clean his room or prepare a decent meal.

At this point in the semester, I don’t think he can catch up on all of the work he has missed. We have tried to motivate him with things that would normally work, but he just does not seem to care. We think that he has depression but are also frustrated.

What can we do?

Sincerely,

Out of Ideas

Dear Out of Ideas,

Being the parent of a teen can be challenging. Sometimes it is difficult to know the difference between normal teen moodiness and mental health issues like depression.

If your child is suffering from depression, it’s not that that he doesn’t have enough motivation to go to school – he may simply not be physically or mentally able to cope with school right now. Fortunately, there are many resources available to you and your family to address his mental health challenges.

Family Doctor

Your family doctor can rule out any physical issues that may be sapping your son’s energy. They can also refer you to mental health professionals or to skill-building programs, like BounceBack.

Excessive Screen Time

You can access and review your internet usage logs to see if your son has been up on his computer throughout the night; this habit alone can drain a person’s energy and motivation for daily activities.

Counsellor/Therapist

If your son has a mental health challenge that you suspect may be depression, then he may benefit from talking with a counsellor/therapist. If you are in the Ottawa area you can make a free walk-in appointment for your child through counsellingconnect.org.

School Resources

Your school may have a staff member with expertise in mental health who can assist your child. If you don’t know who this is, you can start by calling your school’s administration office or ask your child’s teacher.

Parent Skills Building

It is easy to believe that your child could accomplish what you ask of him if only he tried harder or had the right motivation. However, the Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS) approach embodies the belief that kids do well if they can – rather than the more common belief that kids would do well if they simply wanted to.

How to access CPS training

Parents of children up to the age of 12 can ask for a spot on a CPS course with Crossroads Children’s Centre by booking an intake session via counsellingconnect.org.
Parents of children between 12-18 years can ask for a spot on a CPS course with the Roberts Smart Centre.
Think:Kids offers an online 8-week program (note there is a fee).
Many Pleo staff members are trained in the CPS approach and can support your daily application of the skills you learned with formal training partners.

Rideauwood

If addictions are involved, Rideauwood has several family and parent programs, to help you learn how to support a person with a mental health challenge.

You don’t have to go through this alone

Parents and family members play a vital role in the wellness of a person with a mental health challenge. By removing blame and shame around your child’s mental health struggles, you can create a supportive environment for them to grow. It is normal to feel worried. Know that there is support for you, too.

While the many of the resources provided here are for the Ottawa/eastern Ontario region, they can give you a sense of what to look for you in your own area. Whether you live in Ottawa, or elsewhere in Ontario, we are here to help you find the best resources for your individual needs.

Please contact our Family Peer Supporters so that we can provide you links to additional resources specific to your situation. We are all parents who have lived experience supporting a child or youth with a mental health challenge.

We are open 9am-7pm Monday to Friday. You can reach us at 613-321-3211.

We’ve been there, we get it, and we can help.

Sincerely,

Your Pleo Family Peer Supporters

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