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Why Forgiveness is Key
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As a former participant in the Co-Parenting for Resilience Program at Oklahoma State University, we are pleased to offer you this newsletter with tips to help you achieve the best for your child(ren).

Why Forgiveness is Key
 
Hurt, anger and guilt can bind two people together as tightly as love. Bitterness against your co-parent creates a prison and ironically, the bitter person who won’t let go of the hurt and anger becomes the prisoner. One solution, as crazy as it may seem, is to forgive the other person. The pain from past offenses is real and the anger may be justified; however, true happiness is never reached when the burden of anger, hurt and guilt are carried around. The conflict can also place your children in the middle of a war they did nothing to start. Forgiveness doesn’t mend a broken relationship or repair the emotional damage done, instead it simply writes off the behavior as if it were a bad debt that will never be repaid.

The following are a few tips on forgiveness:
  • Forgiveness is a choice; a decision we make with intellect to let go of resentment because it harms us and keeps us in a victim role.
  • Pick one small offense and forgive that first. Then continue to practice this new mindset of forgiveness.
  • Communicating to the other that you have forgiven them is optional and, in fact, may be detrimental if the other person does not feel like they have been offensive.
  • Forgiveness does not mean we have to revert to being a victim.  It is possible to forgive someone and still hold them accountable for their actions.
  • Forgiveness only requires one person.
  • Forgiveness empowers the forgiver. 
Just like writing off a bad debt that will never be repaid, forgiveness allows you to move on to bigger and better things. The more time you spend trying to collect on the bad debt, or punish the person who didn’t pay, the less time you have to rebuild your life and future. Moving toward forgiveness is not for the person you are forgiving. Forgiveness is for you and your child so that you can move on and focus about your future instead of the past.

 Need more help? Co-Parenting is hard. We are here to help! Learn more about the Co-Parenting for Resilience Program, part of the Extension mission of Oklahoma State University's College of Human Sciences.
 
 
 
 
Copyright © 2022 Oklahoma Cooperative Extension Service | Oklahoma State University, All rights reserved.


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