Greetings Earthlings, and welcome to the first Brightside of 2022. How's everyone doing out there? As I write this I'm snacking on Smarties and waiting for the new Euphoria to drop. 

Last time I checked in I was reflecting on 2021 and it's hard to believe we're already a month into the year. I've been quiet here, mostly because I've spent a lot of January warding off the winter blues. And I'm trying this new thing where I don't pressure myself into writing when I'm not feeling it... groundbreaking right? 

But even though I haven't been writing much, I've been doing a lot of thinking about what it means to make space for uncomfortable emotions, which felt like a good Brightside topic for January. 

As someone who goes to great lengths to curate an enjoyable life for myself, sometimes I mistakenly assume "having fun" and "feeling good" as a part of my identity. And when the winter blues creep in and threaten that self-imposed part of my identity, I freak out. I grip on so tight to this idea that I have to maximize the enjoyment of every day that when a gray day gets me down, my first reaction is to blame myself for not being able to make the most of it. 

For example: when it's a Saturday afternoon and I haven't left my apartment because it's too cold and I'm feeling sad and stir crazy, my first thought isn't "oh yeah, this makes sense, WINTER" -- I instead jump to "BOGS WHY AREN'T WE HAVING A GOOD TIME WHAT'S WRONG WITH US?!". 

And because I go to therapy and have a pretty decent emotional wellbeing toolkit by now, there's this added, nagging feeling that I should "know better" or somehow be immune to feeling off. Sometimes it takes a lot of work to take a step back and look objectively at what's going on -- and when I do, my feelings make more sense, but even the act of stepping back and looking can be tough. 

I mean, this is my first winter being single in a while, I'm in a new space, I'm still working from home most of the time (extremely lucky to be able to do so), and it gets dark at 5pm. I'm a little Leo baby, I thrive on two things: sunshine and people, so of course I'm not feeling 100%.

The lesson I seem to be learning right now is that it's ok for things to feel hard, and when they do, it's not some abstract punishment for me not working hard enough or being thankful enough, or falling short somehow. And it's ok that it takes effort to make space for the hard stuff.

I'm not here to complain, and I'm definitely not here to wrap this all up with a bow and share my "one quick trip" for avoiding the winter blues. Instead I offer this glimpse into my experience this month hoping that if you are also feeling frustrated or cooped up or sad: girl same. It's important to me to share honestly here, even when things feel less shiny. The Brightside embraces all the feels, not just the good ones. 

So maybe we can work on being a little gentler with ourselves in February, hmm? Social media might make us think otherwise, but it is OK to not enjoy every minute of every day. If I've noticed anything this month it's that when we greet those tough moments with a little more acceptance and a little less fight, they pass with a little more ease. Kinda like Hermione relaxing her way through that scary plant-trap in the first Harry Potter. 

Anyway, I'll end less-than-revolutionary "it's ok to be sad sometimes" ramble with a few things that have made winter a little brighter:

• Long baths. I just finished a bottle of these fancy bath salts which I liked a lot, but I think the $6 epsom salts are really all ya need. 
• TAKEOUT. My go-tos recently have been steak burritos and Massaman curry. 
• The A24 Podcast, which I just rediscovered. I loved the Lorde/Hunter Schafer conversation, as well as this older interview with Nicholas Braun (Cousin Greg from Succession). 
• Lots of trips to the movies. I've seen Belle (if you're a Ghibli gal, you'll like this maximalist Momoro Hosoda moment), Licorice Pizza (the SOUNDTRACK, my god), and C'mon C'mon (your heart might erupt). 
• Getting back on the mat at Verayoga (NYC peeps, it feels VERY safe and VERY good to move your body in the heat!) 
• Phone calls, FaceTimes, and in-person hangs when possible. Reach out to your people, peeps!