In 5th grade, I saw the cool girl in school wearing glasses and I knew immediately I NEED SOME OF THOSE.

I went home that day and told my Mom I was having trouble seeing and "probably needed something to correct my vision."

I wasn't having trouble seeing, but fashion is werk honey, so I told that eye doctor that the R looked like a G, and $50 later I was riding home with an upset Mother because the optometrist said I was a liar, but with decent vision, so no glasses for me.

It was fine though because only a year later glasses were out and braces were in.
(Is it clear I grew up in the '90s yet?)

 My oldest brother, Nicholas, wrote a song about how I looked like a buck-toothed beaver, so obviously I was a candidate for braces. 

I felt immense joy every time I saw myself in the mirror with those tiny brackets on each tooth. I took special care to match the color bands on my braces with whatever social event that was going on in my 6th grade life. Blue if my softball team had a game and sparkly pink for when I was trying to flirt with my crush. Duh.

About 6 months into my braces journey, God (or perhaps my Mom..) decided it was time to teach me a lesson, and the R's really did start looking like G's..meaning that I was prescribed my very own pair of glasses.

Being a middle school girl with EITHER braces OR glasses was KOOL, but having both simultaneously?

Total loser status. 

For three long years, I suffered the plight of what it must have been like to be a leper during biblical time (except no fancy island sentencing for me..just a water pick and many lonely Saturday nights.)

My braces finally came off in 9th grade, but the glasses have remained.

I am not complaining. I leaned in. I was Tina Fey as Sarah Palin for Halloween three years in a row, so I've made being a glasses wearer work for my lifestyle.

Now, as you know, I work in food/retail, which means I interact with folks face-to-glasses-wearing-face every day.

Of course, sometimes my lenses get a little smudge or a dash of flour on them.

Sure, sometimes I might even look like a tall-for-his-age 12-year-old boy thanks to my scrappy features and a messy ponytail.

This is why when I was recently shopping for new glasses in a glasses store and I received a tiny compliment from the Glasses Store Employee, I perked right up.

Glasses Store Employee: I like those glasses on you.

Me (so desperate for their approval as I tried on my 1 millionth pair): Yeah?!?

Glasses Store Employee: Yeah..those particular frames... look good with your hair.

(ok, harsh.)

As I slowly untangled the glasses from my mop of a head, I realized that yet again God (or potentially Mom) was teaching me another lesson. 

20 years ago I had chosen to go to the optometrist and lied to the doctor, to my mom, and to myself because I thought that glasses would finally make me cool in my peers' eyes.

As I looked back at the Glasses Store Employee (who was not wearing glasses..scoff!) I realized we're all just trying our best to get by and to look cool doing it.

Lucky for me, I've figured out it is not the glasses that make me cool..but the pie that I use to bribe people into saying that I am.

*adjusts glasses*
Lauren

P.S. The real MVP is Pie Bar's General Manager, Vivian, because she travels with tiny glasses cleaning towelettes and ensures that if I am visiting with guests my glasses are as free of whipped cream or peanut butter as they can be. Thank you, Vivian!

P.P.S. This coming Monday, March 14th is Pi Day and I get to have my glasses-wearing face in the shops ALL DAY LONG!! I am so excited to spend the day with pie lovers, so I hope you'll come out and enjoy a slice with me!