February 2022

Its been a weird month. I stopped taking my biologic meds because right now they havent worked for 7 months, Im injecting myself and becoming immunocompromised WHILE still being in pain 24/7. I havent heard back from my Rheumatology Drs since before my blood test in January so I just decided to stop for now. I had a feeling of wanting to give up but one of my followers on twitter said it took a lot of trial and error to find the right biologics which worked, so I am going to try to be more patient. For the time being weed and heated pads are my saviour. 

Another saviour has been patchwork and quilting, learning new techniques is humbling but I can already envision my future artwork despite only having completed one patchwork piece so far! Read more to hear about our roadtrip to Norfolk, shoutout to my Dad for his birthday, some more daily drawings and taking my boys to see my mural for the first time! Im going to keep this intro short and sweet because my brain and hand capacity has reached a limit. In true ADHD/Artist fashion I leave this newsletter to the very last minute and this month has been no different…except the month is 2/3 days shorted than the rest so I am even more rushed than the other 11 months!!!! Sending everyone love, especially people in Ukraine, families in Russia and everyone who is scared and currently being invaded or used as cannon fodder by rich powerful dictators. I havent got anything of substance to say about that other than war and imperialism must end for the freedom and safety of all peoples. Thanks for reading and love you lots!

I havent left London (pretty much my house) for longer than a day since last summer in June when me and my parents went to Manchester to see our Pandemic Penguin Parade being exhibited and July visiting my aunt in Essex. On the drive up we stopped off at our other family friends who just moved to the countryside, and I was reuinted with their bi-lingual Akita called Rex. 

I have been feeling so stuck and trapped and going stir crazy, so we planned a trip to stay at family friends in North Norfolk on the coast. As soon as we arrived mum started a fire to warm us up, and then we went out to eat at a local pub where I had a freaking incredible double cheeseburger.  On our short walk home in the pitch black, I almost fell over in shock at how many stars were up above our heads, it was a beautiful sight to behold for a city bb like me!

The local beach at Salthouse is made up of pebbles, despite the freezing cold breeze and chronic pain making my legs wobbly it was so meditative to hear the soft crunch of pebbles, the variety of birds chirping and crashing waves around me. I couldnt help picking up some of my favourite and most eye catching stones to keep/draw including one which looks like a face. The first full day was pretty rainy, we mostly drove from village to village, mum and dad showing me places theyve visited before, looking at the scenery and nature around us. Noticing the distinct architecture style of the buildings, many of the villages we visited or drove through were built out of local materials mostly flint with brick detailing. We ended our drive by getting out at a different beach which has massive grassy sand dunes where I saw loads of shells. Driving through the countryside, seeing trees and animals, streams and farms at golden hour just brings me such a peaceful feeling and inspires me. The british countryside is a thing of beauty.

The second day we were greeted by a very friendly and fluffy cat who was very lovely. Before setting off in the car we walked about 5 mins round the corner to visit the local church which had views to the sea, and inside the sun shone into a simple yet beautiful space with painted wooden pews, tapestry prayer cushions and clear glass windows. The only downside of our trip was visiting Cromer where we saw a racist britain first “take back our country” sign in someones window above a shop, understandably left a sour taste in our mouth, making us feel uncomfortable and unwelcome. Its shitty to be reminded of the racist people/organisations who spout nationalist bullshit but dont know their own history. Then our plan was to visit a few National Trust properties but some werent open and others were closing early due to winter scheduling. It was still nice to walk around the grounds of the Blickling Estate with the kitchen garden being restored, large lake and manicured hedges. 

To get away for a few days with my parents, is something I dont take for granted. At times I feel like I have no independence as a 27 year old, but Im truly lucky to have them make my life easier and happier. I might get sad and feel left out with my friends, because its not practical or safe for me to adventure alone right now, I’ve barely done anything by myself these past few years and until pain relief this is what my life looks like. It can take a toll on my sense of self, but all that was put aside as I appreciated the change of scenery, fresh air and the security of being with my parents and knowing I’ll be safe and facilitated if I get anxious or too much pain. One of the things with chronic pain is you have to divide up your energy and pain levels, I mentally prepared ahead of being away from my heated pads and comforts of my house for a few days because I knew my mind and body needed the fresh air and nature. Im happy to be back with my cats and microwave for my heated pads but feeling rejuvenated and reminded that there is beauty out there beyond my four walls.

February 14th has always been a special day to me, my Dads birthday! This year he wasnt actually home on the day but we had a lovely Chinese takeaway the day before and watched Lego Masters Australia. Ive always been close with Dad, going on many day outs and adventures when I was younger, but as the years went by we would butt heads which always brought us sadness and frustration. We have worked through a lot together, and in the past year have both come to the realisation we are most likely Autistic. When I understood this about myself and my Dad it made me process everything from a different perspective and everything about our relationship made sense. Im overly sensitive and he is not always sensitive enough (through no fault of our own) but realising this took some of the pressure off. I love how smart my Dad is, he is amazing at DIY and building/repairing things, he is great at organising and processing numbers, he is passionate about sports and making sure everyone has opportunities within a sporting environment. There is nothing he wouldnt do for people, many times to his own detriment, but his heart is big. So Happy Birthday month to my amazing Dad!

Its been such a depressing year of being stuck in my house again, for fear of catching covid and also because I still have no pain relief. I have missed my mural so much and Ive not been seeing my boys as regularly as we’re used to so I was so happy to take them to go see it for the first time. The day before was red warning from storm Eunice, the sunday we had planned was yellow warning from storm Franklin but despite the weather we got in Hoss’s car, music playing and set on our adventure to Southwark. My boys have been by my side encouraging me since Hanecdote started in 2012, so it was a big deal for them to get to see this achievement. My heart was filled to be reunited with my mural despite the rain and seeing their smiles and pride was the cherry on top. I had bought some plain white air force 1’s to customise in celebration of my first public art commission and although it was raining we got a few pictures of them with my colourful mural.

I FINISHED MY FIRST PATCHWORK QUILT!!!!!! 

I cant explain how satisfying it has been to start learning patchwork techniques and how to use a sewing machine after years of self doubt, loss of confidence and ability to hand sew for hours like my heart desires. It is such a rewarding feeling to venture into a new way of making, to learn bit by bit, taking it slow and concentrating extra hard, to make sure youre on the right track. Patchwork, in comparison to hand embroidery is very mathematical, symmetrical and neat. As frustrated as I can be sometimes that I didnt learn/practice how to use a sewing machine earlier, I cant wait to keep practicing and eventually master these techniques to make my art even more amazing. I used my trusted calico for the patchwork as its my fav material to embroider onto and is also neutral. The branch is from a cherry tree in the garden, thanks as always to mum for her help and guidance. There was no wider concept to this piece, it was just a space for me to enjoy the making process, learn new techniques and experiment. Its a different way for creating for me because my work is usually driven by intense emotions or human experiences but this piece was literally just for fun! Do something just for the fun of it soon!

I havent had the opportunity to get to the ICA yet, but earlier this month was the launch of Decriminalised Futures, a group show by SWARM which showcases art about sex work and decriminalisation. I embroidered a still life dedicated to sex workers of all kinds and the community we foster when the world wants to ignore/violate/harm us. I will be facilitating an online embroidery workshop in April so keep an eye out on the ICA website or I will post the link for booking here in my March newsletter!

Exhibition Guide PDF
ICA website

After a whole year since the success of our Embroidery Colouring Book kickstarter campaign, I have finished the OG hand embroidered patches and all the fabric pages have arrived cut to perfection. We have been busy getting all the different elements together so that within in the next week or so we’ll be shipping everything to people who supported. Its been such a long year, I couldnt have done it without everyones support and patience. When we did the kickstarter we had no real idea how the book was going to come together, the months passed by and I grew more stressed and frustrated. Now that we are at the final hurdle with all aspects of the reward tiers in my possession, I can finally get excited again at the thought of everyone receiving their goodies and especially the fabric pages of my designs to teach and encourage a whole new group of people to pick up a needle and thread. Making these patches made me feel like I was back in 2013 churning out cute lil patches of all kinds, although this time felt extra special customising them with names and backers fav colours. It warms my heart to imagine everyone across the UK and the wider world who will be making embroideries of my designs for their own therapy or a present to a loved on. Embroidery has brought me so much joy and therapy myself, I would still be doing it for hours a day if my body let me, but the next best thing is being able to share that love with others. Thanks again to everyone.