Once upon a time, gentle reader, there were only three people I knew well who were devoted to books and podcasts that were devoted to true crime.
Most especially murder, most especially the murders of women whose only misstep was crossing the path of a predator. This was a very, very long time ago. It was not so far back as when the true-crime narrative was basically invented by Truman Capote when he wrote In Cold Blood, because I was a kid then, reading The Saturdays by Elizabeth Enright, but a few years after that, at least by the time I was in high school.
To say that I am a brave person who is absolutely terrified by the idea of murder is an understatement. I think all the time about seeing a face outside my bedroom window and knowing that I have just seconds to beat that person to the door, twenty feet away, to make sure it’s locked. And yet, I find myself drawn to terrible stories.
Why?
Not long ago, Eden Arielle Gordon asked herself the same question. She asked others too. Given that more women than men are victims of violent crime, one researcher Gordon read suggested that reading about such incidents was a kind of grim practice for what could happen in real life. Others opined that this fascination was one of the few acceptable outlets for the powerful rage women feel. A thirst for justice was another theory and a push back against helplessness. Whatever you learn makes you stronger.
In his groundbreaking book, The Gift of Fear, my great friend Gavin de Becker points out that personal preparedness and learning the ways and wiles of human predators, what they’ll say, how they’ll try to get over, is the best tool for self-protection a woman has.
An author who grew up near where I grew up, on the west side of Chicago, Michelle McNamara was first inspired by her horror at the case of Kathleen Lombardo, a neighbor girl who was jogging when she was attacked and stabbed to death. McNamara, too, was terrified of the idea of crimes against women and began an obsessive search for what she called “The Golden State Killer,” who conducted a one-man reign of terror in California that spanned many years and towns; it was McNamara whose efforts finally prompted authorities to link these crimes through DNA, leading to the conviction of Joseph DeAngelo. Her deep dive into the research of this crime is chronicled in the book I’ll Be Gone in the Dark: One Woman’s Obsessive Search for the Golden State Killer, but she studied true crime in detail before that, on her blog. The blog is still there … but Michelle is not. In part because of her research, she became addicted to painkillers and accidentally overdosed in 2018, another life lost.
The pod-verse is rife with true crime shows, among the most prominent helmed by women, such as Ashley Flowers’s ‘Crime Junkie’ and the perennial favorite by Georgia Hardstark and Karen Kilgariff, ‘My Favorite Murder.”
I’m going to write more about this fascination in “Gasps” to come and figure out why I’m reading about things that horrify me when my friends seek out stories that are light and funny and a relief from the trials of life (and don’t get me wrong, I like funny as much as the next person!) Still, I’m drawn back to the dark side, just as I was drawn to the ghost stories that scared the sparks out of me as a girl.
Maybe I agree with Gavin, the more you know, the more you know. One thing that the explosion in books and podcasts and TV shows of this kind proves, however, is that I’m far from alone in my obsession, that this darkness exerts a force on many and its cultural manifestations grow exponentially. We walk on the wild side in prose and presentation, so we don’t have to in life.
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HOT DISH TIP
They call this a “side dish,” but for we vegetarians, with a few corn tortillas on the side, it’s (pardon me) the whole enchilada.
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Mexican Rice
Ingredients
- 1 1/2 cups long grain white rice *
- 1/4 cup oil (vegetable or canola oil)
- 1 teaspoon garlic, minced
- 1/4 medium onion, finely diced
- 1/4 cup tomato sauce, or 2 pureed tomatoes*
- 2 teaspoons tomato bouillon granulated, or cubes*
- 1/4 teaspoon salt
- 1 carrot, diced
- 1/2 cup peas (frozen or fresh)
- 3 cups water
- 1-3 whole serrano peppers (optional)
Instructions
Rinse the rice in a fine mesh strainer until the water runs clear. Set aside.
In a large saucepan over medium-high heat, add the oil. Once hot, add the rice and stir to combine. Cook over medium heat, stirring frequently, until the rice is lightly golden brown all over (about 10 minutes).
Add tomato sauce, garlic, and diced onion to the pan. Stir. Add tomato bullion, salt, carrots, peas, and water (and serrano peppers, if using. They add a little flavor, but not spice).
Bring to a boil, then cover, reduce heat to low and cook for about 20 minutes or until the water is completely absorbed. Remove from heat and allow to rest for 5 minutes before fluffing with a fork.
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HOT WRITING TIP
Here is a strategy I’ve used dozens of times when trying to figure out how to start a story. Instead of struggling with how to begin, I think of the end. Try to imagine your last sentence. You might not really be able to imagine exactly your last sentence, but try to see the place where you might want this story to finally go. In doing so, sometimes you can “write your way” to that ending.
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HOT READING TIP FOR COLD NIGHTS
If anything about the discussion I started above appeals to you, you can’t go wrong with these books.
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