Copy
Welcome to my 3 new email subscribers! 👋
View this email in your browser
Rainbow flag with they/them pronouns in front

I Hate Coming Out; I Am Out.

A necessary and thankless task.

In my novel, my main character is outed by his sister to the rest of their family at their father’s funeral. It’s not that the MC’s completely closeted when the novel starts: his friends know, his one sister and young nephew know, and of course, the people he dates also know. Additionally, I outed him and all my other fictional main characters on Twitter, so we’re always future-proof on my writing.

The novel is not a coming-out story for many reasons, including how I’m tired of them personally. But my biggest reason is that I hate coming out. I hate coming out, almost as much as I hate the misrepresentation of my identity.

Because I hate the latter more, I’ve come out hundreds (thousands?) of times in hundreds (thousands?) of ways and will continue to come out my entire life. It’s utterly exhausting and exasperating. Especially when you learn that sometimes coming out doesn’t even matter over how the person you are coming out to perceives you.

For several years in college, I co-led the LGBTQIA+ student group. I’ll never forget a conversation where one of the staff advisers — who’d known me then for several years — said, “But you’re straight.”

Continue reading

Bookworm corner 📚

100 Boyfriends by Brontez Purnell ⭐ 4/5 stars
Genre: short stories contemporary lit

When Purnell's prose hit, I either laughed or felt sucker punched in my soul.

Alice in Leatherland by Iolanda Zanfardino and Elisa Romboli ⭐ 5/5 stars
Genre: F/F contemporary romance graphic novel

Super cute and fun. The juxtaposition of Alice's fairy tale worked very well.

Ambrosia: Trans Masc & Non Binary Erotic Comics Anthology edited by Tab Kimpton and Jade Sarson ⭐ 4/5 stars
Genre: fantasy erotic queer comics

I wish I could read stories like this easily in other book forms. Crowd-funded indie comics are doing the heavy lifting when it comes to trans and general queer diversity in erotica and romance for adults.

(There are complex reasons for this in terms of gatekeeping by cishets in publishing and because when we do write for our community, they demand better.)

There's something in Ambrosia for everyone. No doubt very dependent on your personal preferences and kinks.

Like any anthology, a mixed bag. The introductions made me happy because the stories only got so much space, and I would’ve missed some aspects of who these characters are. That said, I wish there'd be more room for the introductions to be less elaborate, as we could've just learned these things in the text.

I'm looking forward to reading the trans femme and non-binary companion book Nectar.

Ancillary Mercy (Imperial Radch #3) by Ann Leckie ⭐ 5/5 stars
Genre: sci-fi

Good thing I love tea.

Please, more sci-fi books like this that explore freedom and love and choice and identity.

Batman Secret Files: The Gardener (2021) #1 by James Tynion IV and Christian Ward ⭐ 3/5 stars
Genre: superhero single issue comic

Ward's art is gorgeous. I really wanted to like the rest of this, but something left me cold.

Collected Essays: Notes of a Native Son / Nobody Knows My Name / The Fire Next Time / No Name in the Street / The Devil Finds Work / Other Essays by James Baldwin ⭐ 5/5 stars
Genre: nonfiction American & African-American history

What am I supposed to write here? Baldwin continues to be one of the most relevant writers on America and its people. And we should all wish to look at his writing as outdated or the way it used to be. (Yes, he was not without his faults, being human and all.)

It's a gift to read a body of work over an artist's entire lifetime. There was something in every single essay that zapped me in my bones — what a treasure.

It feels so weird to be "finished" with this collection, even if I know I'll revisit many of these essays.

Darryl by Jackie Ess ⭐ 5/5 stars
Genre: contemporary fiction

A genius exploration and comedy on the absurdity of queer life and how we're all overthinking or underthinking, and then we find a Clive in our midst.

Donut The Destroyer (FCBD 2020) by Sarah Graley and Stef Purenins ⭐ 5/5 stars
Genre: middle reader superhero single issue comic

Super cute, but a little too twee for me to continue the series, which is fine as it's perfect for kids.

Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender ⭐ 5/5 stars
Genre: contemporary YA

This started a little slow for me, and the teen drama is sometimes cranked to 100% and on-the-nose. However, it did make me cry, despite my blackened heart. I loved the portrayal of it being okay to continue to question your gender, even if you’ve transitioned, because life is a journey.

For the Love of April French by Penny Aimes ⭐ 5/5 stars
Genre: m/f contemporary romance

An incredible love story with very hot BDSM play and sex scenes. The writing had me immediately, and both April and Dennis, along with the supporting cast of friends, coworkers, and family, pop off the page as author Penny Aimes understands characterization and bringing humanity to them.

This M/F romance features a Black cis male dom and a white bisexual trans woman. The author is a trans woman who knows BDSM and its community. Both April and Dennis have issues that they work through with friends, family, mentors, support groups, and therapists.

I loved how April is with her community. There's always a Mama April in the best communities, and it ended in a rewarding manner for a too-often underappreciated type of labor in our society. Dennis getting mentored by another dom was excellent. More of this in BDSM Romances, please!

Little nitpicks:

1. Given the major work the characters did on themselves, I wanted 15-20 more resolution pages. I would've loved to see Dennis bring April to his family or, hell, a work holiday party. Part of their trust is translating their relationship to people outside their BDSM bubble, like at the BBQ restaurant.

2. I was unclear about what type of BDSM queer club Frankie's is. At first, I thought it was only a social bar space with a stage for classes/demos/shows. I assumed this because all the play/sex occurs at their residences or others. Then, during play, Dennis teases April about doing what they are doing at Frankie's. (In the US, laws around BDSM vary state-by-state, and I don't know Texas.)

3. In Seattle, cis white male doms definitely wear dirty jeans and t-shirts with holes at clubs. But I appreciate the suit fantasy, given the double-standard present in what dommes are expected to wear.

Overall, I loved this novel and couldn't put it down. It was exactly what I needed. I cannot wait to see what Penny Aimes writes next, and I hope she continues to write many more books.

A Good, Old-Fashioned Chanukah Pegging: A Small Change Story by Roan Parrish ⭐ 5/5 stars
Genre: m/f erotica short story

Hot. I haven't read the series, but I'm now looking forward to it. Read the story (free).

Kink: Stories edited by R.O. Kwon and Garth Greenwell ⭐ 3/5 stars
Genre: contemporary fiction short stories

Another reader hit the nail on the head that these stories are written by literary writers, not erotica writers.

The most frustrating (and wholly unsexy) reads were in the style common at a certain very famous writing program in flyover country saved by taxpayer money to stop communism. (Yes, I'm being purposefully mean.) While the kink was undoubtedly not enough and not varied enough, neither was the writing style.

That said, even in some of the stories I found cerebrally insufferable, there'd be a line or two that I'd recognize a human shape inside.

Because the kink is always the human mind, but sometimes, the human mind desires actual BDSM and something a little baser.

My favs were (and they aren't always sexy or at all):

"Best Friendster Date Ever" by Alexander Chee
"Trust" by Lisa Pham
"Oh, Youth" by Brandon Taylor
"Gospodar" by Garth Greenwell
"The Lost Performance of the High Priestess of the Temple of Horror" by Carmen Maria Machado
"The Voyeurs" by Zeyn Joukhadar

Let's Get Back to the Party by Zak Salih ⭐ 3/5 stars
Genre: contemporary fiction

** spoiler alert ** I'm very close to the same age as the two main characters, and I very much grew up in the same queer microgeneration. (Though I am not a gay man, instead of bisexual and non-binary.) I am, however, much more of an Oscar than a Sebastian, up to and including the stuff about his family.

The emotional beats of the story stayed strongly with me. I didn't necessarily dwell on what the characters should do, but it made me think of my own life. That made me cry.

(Though I did cringe at stuff around Arthur and was relieved when the characters walked up to the line but turned around.)

The first chapter was hard to get through, and as an author, I have great sympathy for the opening chapter of a debut novel.

While I appreciated Oscar, Sebastian, and Sean's different voices, the lack of quotes around dialog in the Sebastian part felt too much. Their voices were distinct enough, with no need for extra emphasis.

I am looking forward to reading future books from Salih as some of the writing of this book knocked me over.

I'm still not sure what I wanted from the ending, which many Goodreads reviewers seemed puzzled by, notably Oscar's. (He decided not to Virginia Woolf himself with Sean's books as his rocks and asked for more than one kind of help.) But perhaps, in the end, I hoped to answer some of my questions about my own life and how I should look at the future.

The Complete Maus (Maus #1-2) by Art Spiegelman ⭐ 5/5 stars
Genre: nonfiction WWII graphic novel

This has been embarrassingly sitting on my shelf unread for 12 years, and it finally seemed like time. Spiegelman's framing of his camp survivor parents' story is so smart and human.

Never Heroes: Yellow Hearts by Keezy Young ⭐ 4/5 stars
Genre: YA fantasy adventure comic

Cute little teaser comic. The art was really fabulous. Read the series (free).

Once & Future, Vol. 4: Monarchies in the UK by Kieron Gillen, Dan Mora, and Tamra Bonvillain ⭐ 4/5 stars
Genre: urban fantasy graphic novel

Yay for meeting Rose's parents and that they’re mostly safe. I’m glad we’re getting some clarity on how the Arthurian myth is splitting. Once & Future seems much looser than Gillen’s other comics plot-wise, so I’m curious about where this is going.

Once Ghosted, Twice Shy (Reluctant Royals #2.5) by Alyssa Cole ⭐ 4/5 stars
Genre: contemporary f/f romance

This was very sweet, if too short, to add a lot to the world-building. Especially since Fabiola is the only working-class character in the series (so far, of what I've read).

Yay for Fabiola being bisexual! That was very exciting.

Powers (Annals of the Western Shore #3) by Ursula K. Le Guin ⭐ 5/5 stars
Genre: YA historical fantasy

A wonderful meditation on liberty, justice, and healing. This series is truly remarkable.

Princess Revolution by Elaine Tipping ⭐ 3/5 stars
Genre: YA fantasy graphic novel

Three princesses' true loves are kidnapped, and the very capable princesses rescue them. Good playing with gender roles, and a nice variety of relationship types.

Sensational Wonder Woman by Stephanie Phillips, Andrea Shea, Colleen Doran, Alyssa Wong, Corinna Bechko, Amy Chu, Sina Grace, Sanya Anwar, Meghan Hetrick, Bruno Redondo, Eleonora Carlini, DaNi, Maria Laura Sanapo, and Paul Pelletier ⭐ 4/5 stars
Genre: superhero graphic novel

A fun collection of self-contained stories, with many of them very much understanding the essence of Wonder Woman. It would be a great set of stories to give a new reader who doesn't know where to start but wants to read Wonder Woman comics.

Something is Killing the Children Vol. 1 by James Tynion IV, Werther Dell'Edera, and Miquel Muerto ⭐ 5/5 stars
Genre: contemporary horror comic

This is a scary book! The art is a fabulous match to the story and extra points for the main character being named Erica.

Something is Killing the Children Vol. 2 by James Tynion IV, Werther Dell'Edera, and Miquel Muerto ⭐ 4/5 stars
Genre: contemporary horror comic

It continues to be a great story. It wasn't quite as creepy scary as the first volume, more just terrible monsters preparing for a town slaughter. As much as I love the art, some page layouts are confusing in how to read them. Perhaps in single issues, ads helped with knowing which pages you didn't read fully across two pages before going down.

The Southern Book Club's Guide to Slaying Vampires by Grady Hendrix ⭐ 2/5 stars
Genre: horror

** spoiler alert ** This book lacks self-awareness. It tries to comment on 90s feminism for white housewives, white savorism, and the patriarchy but then doubles back on itself.

Who hacks up the monster and then cleans (with one white woman) the entire murder house to hide everything? If you guessed the only Black woman, you'd be right.

Also, I haven't read a novel by a cishet white man in a while, and of course, there's rape. Monster rape with oozing black cum.

This Book Is Full of Filth by Rosalarian ⭐ 4/5 stars
Genre: queer fantasy erotica graphic novel

A fun and sexy romp of short comics. Their art is imaginative, lovely, and feels very organic.

Film Podcast! 🎥

Erica & Friends Talk Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019) subscribe @ patreon.com/emcgilliray image: two women in a romantic embrace
We’re covering Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019)! By writer and director Céline Sciamma, this French film is filled with historical lesbian longing and gazes and oil painting. If you pick one sapphic romance set in the past, this is the one. This episode’s movie friend is Rowan Allen Case!
How can you listen? Via my Patreon. For $2/month, you get all 30+ previous episodes and new ones.

Things I wrote recently

Blog:

Book progress:

My brain has been full of ideas for new stories and novels, plus some essays, and sadly, the rest of life seems to get in the way continuously. The sequel to The Reclamation Project is 75% done. But I’ve come up with no less than four endings for it, and none of them I’m happy with.

Patreon:

Green thumb update

I’m still working on slimming down my houseplant collection. However, the Northwest Flower and Garden Festival happened, and I may have picked up a couple of new plants. Oops.

Now is the time to start on my indoor plantings for seedlings. Hopefully, this is what I’m spending the bulk of my weekend doing after I’m done with this newsletter. Spring is on the way!

Erica in front of some tulips at the garden show
fuschia bloom on my thanksgiving cactus
L: Me in front of some tulips at the Northwest Flower and Garden Festival
R: A bloom on my Schlumbergera (Thanksgiving cactus)

Other things

[BOOKS] Fated Mates S04.11: Vincent Virga: a Trailblazer Episode podcast — Vincent Virga was the first author to write a gay Gothic Romance (published in 1980), and this episode made me tear up at least three times. Get that book trilogy fully published!

[COMMUNITY] Should I Leave Facebook Groups? by Carrie Melissa Jones — A constant consideration for anyone running a Facebook group.

[FILM & TV] How the Sausage Gets Made: Inside Hollywood's Prosthetic Penis Craze by Emma Fraser — All those wangs on your TV, they’re probably props. This is so fascinating, and it could help change the type of media being made, which at least in the US is far more violent than sexual.

[GENDER] “CisWorld,” a speculative essay by Torrey Peters — Peters imagines what horror films would look like in a trans-majority world and nails it the euphoria and terror of gender.

[GENDER] Gender and language by Minami Funakoshi — Pronouns are only the tip of the iceberg regarding how ingrained gender is in language. This covers some really interesting challenges (in several languages) and some solutions people, especially nonbinary people, use to solve them.

[SEX] The Joys (and Challenges) of Sex After 70 by Maggie Jones — Older adults have sex, and there are lessons here that all of us should learn before we’re elderly and forced to rethink sexual pleasure and our bodies.

[SOCIAL MEDIA] I Stepped Too Far Back: Papi, I actually miss the anxiety of social media by John Paul Brammer — Brammer lays out how, for creative people, social media is essential, but also hindering.

[WRITING] Emotional support trauma plot by Brandon Taylor — Who do we owe our trauma in our stories?

All the best,

🌱🖖😺💚

Erica McGillivray

This newsletter is sponsored by my Patrons! You all are the best.
Support my writing and podcasting. ✍️

Follow me on Twitter
Website
Copyright © 2022 Erica McGillivray, All rights reserved.


Want to change how you receive these emails?
You can update your preferences or unsubscribe from this list

Email Marketing Powered by Mailchimp