Have you been feeling bad lately? No? Okay, then skip this part. 

Where was I? I’ve been feeling bad too. Like, terrible. It started all of a sudden with a heaviness I couldn’t explain. That was the day Russia invaded Ukraine. Or maybe the day after, but it was right around then. I felt like one of those cartoon characters with a storm cloud following me around.

When my girls were tiny, almost anytime there was tension between me and my older one (which happens a lot because she’s a lot like me, and as much as I’m working on loving myself, it’s really hard to get along with myself), my little one would burst into tears and say, “I’m cwyin’ and I don’t know why!” 

I knew why, though. Even though the drama wasn’t hers, she was in the room, absorbing the negative energy. And kids are like dogs. Their ability to trust their instincts hasn’t been trained out of them yet. They know what’s really going on even if they can’t verbalize it. 

I believe we are all connected, whether we’re in the same room or across an ocean.  Anxiety, fear, loneliness, sadness, it’s all contagious. And there are plenty of reasons to feel all of those things (and every other negative emotion under the sun right now). 

It’s okay not to feel okay. I feel compelled to tell you that because for a long time I didn’t know you could just let yourself feel bad without trying to change it.

I remember crying in the shower when I was in graduate school after my neighbor broke my heart. It was partly because I was sad and hurt but also because I thought I shouldn’t have been so upset. We hadn’t even been together that long. I wasn’t even sure if he’d considered us “together.” I felt stupid for caring so much. He told me it was over the same night I’d had him over for homemade pecan pie. I used a recipe from a yellowed Dear Abby pamphlet my grandmother gave me; she insisted was the way straight to a man’s heart. (She was 91 years old the time. I didn't have the heart to tell her she was wrong.)

If I could talk to my 21-year old self, I’d tell her not to try to talk herself out of her sadness or cloak it in anger. Sitting with discomfort without judgment might sound awful, but it actually helps to strip those negative emotions of their power. (True story: My therapist explained this to me about 500 times before I was able to put it into practice outside of her office.)

Self-love isn’t just giving yourself permission to fail, eat, and look however you look. It’s also giving yourself permission to feel. 


xo, 

P.S. If you haven't seen my newsletter in a while, it might be going to your Promos in Gmail. If that's the case, go back to your inbox and drag this email over to your Primary tab and it should start showing up there in the future. 

4 Things Worth Checking Out 

• If you have 20 seconds: I’m a short filmmaker. J/k I made a reel about intuitive eating. (Does this resonate? I can help. )
   
• If you have two minutes: My friend, executive coach and leadership consultant Susan Bernstein's recent newsletter touches on some of the same themes I mention above (feeling lousy)- along with some actions you can take. 
   
• If you have six minutes: My friend and fellow freelance journalist Amanda McCracken's great piece for SELF on self-love. It’s so much more than an inspirational quote on Pinterest — and it’s not easy. This article includes strategies you can start using now. 
   
• If you have an hour: I LOVED my interview with Lindsey Heiserman on Real Fit. She’s an accomplished adventure racer, TedX speaker, life and business coach, and personal trainer, and she’s so honest in this interview about her relationship with food and her body, how she approaches challenges (in business and sport), and what adventure racing has taught her about herself.