I’ve invented something for my dog, and here’s the good news:
1. You can make it too!
2. You can use it on pets or humans. Both will appreciate it.
This all started because my dog loves getting his back scratched. Who doesn’t, right?
So one day my daughter Kate got acrylic nails, and when she scratched the dog’s back, he LOVED those long nails.
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My nails are really short, and I have no desire to grow them out. But the dog clearly enjoys getting scratched with long nails.
It got me thinking: Was there a way I could temporarily have long nails, just to scratch the dog’s back?
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I went to Target and bought a pair of gloves and some fake nails. Then I used superglue to attach the nails.
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When I tried it on our dog JJ, the nails sort of flopped around and bent back easily. So it wasn’t the best.
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I needed something stronger than fake nails. I fired up the computer and went over to Amazon, where I purchased some sturdier options.
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The items arrived and I found JJ sleeping outside. "You're not dreaming," I told him. "I actually am scratching you with diamond-encrusted gold claws and plastic Halloween fingers."
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The gold claws, though stunning, wobbled around too much. The fake fingers were better, but disturbing from an aesthetic standpoint.
I presented all the options to JJ and asked for his input. But I was not getting a happy, welcoming vibe from him. I think he was still irritated that I'd disturbed his nap.
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Then I got the idea to push the Halloween fingers into a pair of gloves—and make the nails pop through the top of the fingers. Voila! I had myself a workable solution!
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I made a second prototype and now I'm using both to scratch the dog. He really seems to enjoy it. The plastic nails feel good, and the glove itself is soft.
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Does my family make fun of the way I look wearing these gloves? Yes, mercilessly. But then I scratch their backs and they're like, "Oh, OK. I get it now."
I wanted to tell you about this invention because in case I don’t get around to mass-producing it, you can create your own version at home. Even give them as a gift!
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If you have any thoughts about this, let me know. And if you end up making your own, let me know how that goes!
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Helpful Advice on the Road
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In the last issue, we talked about fast, reckless drivers. I told you that I imagine those folks are racing home to deal with a grilled-cheese sandwich they left cooking on the stove. By imagining that, I can better control my anger.
I heard from some of you that you imagine reckless drivers are dealing with a bathroom emergency—and I like that idea too!
But one reader, Steph, sent me an idea that I haven’t been able to get out of my mind. Here's what she told me:
I have a five-year-old who I try not to upset when I’m feeling upset. One time, when someone was driving recklessly, I couldn’t quite help myself. But I tried to make it better by suggesting that maybe a shrimp was driving that other car. They are very small, so they wouldn’t be able to see over the steering wheel—or grip said steering wheel very well in the first place. It explained so many driving faux pas!
I immediately pictured a scene: Not just one shrimp, but a small team of shrimp, freaking out while trying to drive.
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Now anytime a car does something weird on the road, I just imagine that it’s a team of shrimp, desperately trying to maneuver the vehicle. It’s so entertaining—and much better than feeling road rage. I urge you to give it a try!
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Things I've Been Enjoying
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Matt Shirley's Charts
Writer Matt Shirley makes humorous and relatable charts and graphs, and I find them very entertaining. You can check him out on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook. He also created a book and he sells merch on his website.
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Teenager Pro Tips
The social media account called "Teenager Pro Tips" is so funny and spot-on. Find them on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.
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Wordle Variations
If you play the daily word game Wordle, you might be interested in these variations:
- Sweardle is like Wordle, but for four-letter swear words.
- Letterle is a game where you guess what the LETTER of the day is. It's totally ridiculous, but my daughter Claire likes to play.
- And did you know you can make your own Wordle and send it to someone? Fun!
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Catch up on my cartoons and the Hedger Corp updates over at my website. You'll also find these new Bowl Game stories:
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The most popular cartoon since the last newsletter was this one, about how we celebrated Valentine's Day. I post it every year. It seems like many people celebrate the same way we do.
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This was another popular cartoon. Dog owners, perhaps you can relate?
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Our dog has world-class staring skills. If he really wants something, he could probably stare at you for 24 hours straight. Longer, if needed. Just standing there, unmoving. It's really unsettling, actually.
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And that wraps it up for this issue! Thank you for reading! Let's meet here again next month.
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Past issues of my newsletter are archived here.
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