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this is personal …

April 4, 2022

Dear Friends,

Today, I come to you with mixed emotions.

First, I want to acknowledge the challenge that the past two years have presented to each and every person, globally.

Today, I will share a bit of my process. Sometimes I can struggle with honoring my own feelings when there is so much turmoil in the world and so many people who’ve had their lives deconstructed, left with the puzzle pieces to put back together.

Today, is the 19th anniversary of the first date with my husband. We knew each other (read: had vetted each other) from previously working together so when we did start dating we hit the ground running. We always look at this date as our true anniversary.

Today, I am struck with the fact that had my husband’s near fatal experience in December had a different ending, one that it seemed his emergency response team thought was likely, I could be writing this from a totally different vantage point today.

Today, I am immensely grateful.

Not only did we get the opportunity to peer deeply into the abyss that so many of you have experienced with your life partners and loved ones, but we were fortunately dunked like a tea bag into it and rappelled back up to steadier ground.

This experience has given us both increased empathy for others who have had such experiences and a renewed appreciation for each other and life in general.

Today, I look back on the last two years.

I've been deeply engaged in writing two books, Death and its Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Beautiful Lessons: field notes from The Death Dialogues Project, which was recently released and a memoir through the lens of death, and then the stars spoke, that was scheduled to be released next month. Deep, deep work.

Not long after the release of the first book, I met with my publisher and asked that we pull the second book.

I wasn’t understanding the time and physical and emotional energy that would be required to share Death and its Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Beautiful Lessons, which I see as the handbook and true gift of the wisdom gathered from this project.

This book is tangible tool from this project’s toolbox. Every day people are telling me just how much it is holding and speaking to them and how they are gifting it to others who are experiencing deep loss or circling death, therefore it is my primary focus to have out in the world.

I hadn’t been prepared for the bandwidth required for putting deeply written work out into the world and I wanted to give this offering the time and energy it deserved. So while your copy of the book may mention, at the end, that there is another book being released next month– that is on hold.

The entire book scene has been a dance between ego and art and mission.

For most writers, the actual writing is the job that resonates. What comes next is a challenge for many of us— seemingly having to convince the world of the worthiness of the book.

Pitching.

Sharing.

If it weren’t such a tool for this mission work, I’m not sure I’d be able to engage in such self-promotion and as it is, there is so much more I could be doing.

Today, I look forward.

In just one month, I finally head to the US to be with our family who I’ve not touched for 2.5 years due to the pandemic.

To meet two grandchildren who were born over this time and are now toddlers.

To have meaningful time with my eight year old granddaughter who was five when I was last there.

To connect with our adult kids who have had immense changes in their lives during that time.

I will be away from my dear husband and son in New Zealand for 12 weeks.

Death and its Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Beautiful Lessons will be officially released in New Zealand in May— yes, while I’m gone. (One positive of the pandemic has been the realization that with video chatting we can be everywhere and nowhere.)

We are trying our hardest to get the book into NZ bookstores for easy access but I’d like you to know right now that the simplest and most cost-effective way to order from down-under/NZ is amazon.co.au

The book is available online worldwide and hopefully in bookstores as well.

I’m gifting Death and its Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Beautiful Lessons: field notes from The Death Dialogues Project to some hospices and grief collectives for their libraries.

After the first was sent out, I was immediately contacted by the CEO to order 20 for their staff for NZ’s Hospice Awareness Week coming up in May. We were able to get them at a discount (contact me about bulk orders).

This made my heart sing. This week I’ll be delivering and mailing more out.

I hope to engage in some book activities in the US. Right now I’m talking to an indie, very cool bookstore in Lowell, Michigan who expressed interest in a possible event when my sis-in-law picked up her copy. That would be poetic, because my brother’s brain cancer odyssey and death was there, where my baptism by transformational death took place.

It was his whisper from the beyond, Bec, you need to work at getting Death out of the closet that began this project. (photo of us below)

Especially after our recent abyss-wake-up call, I’d like to have some concentrated time with my family here in New Zealand during this month before I take off.

Today, I circle back around to where I started with this project.

We all need to think about our life balance. Whatever your mission is or your core work, I hope you are finding a way to engage in it without losing yourself.

Keep the spaces open where you are able to meaningfully connected with your loved ones and your own self-care.

As people remind me, ask for help.

Today, I ask you for help.

When people are behind your mission, it’s their mission as well. So right now, for all of you who are reading this, believing that we should be encouraging a more death (and grief) literate world, I’m asking for your assistance.

Today, please share about the book. Please order a copy if you haven’t.

Please leave a review at Amazon and Goodreads (I’m told it helps immensely in getting the book seen).

Today, to all of you who have already supported this project in any way, bought the book (many of you have purchased it numerous times already,as deaths in the families of those you love hasn’t stopped and you’ve found it to be the perfect gift)– I am thanking you from the bottom of my heart.

The work of the podcast has never stopped throughout these years and we continue to have lovely, meaningful conversations on offer.

Below you will find links to the last two podcast episodes.

The most recent is with Kate Manser whose original project was You Might Die Tomorrow and author of a beautiful book of the same title. She’s now rebranded and you can hear why. We first connected on the podcast two years ago for episode 30 which would be great to return to as well. Check her out to witness someone who has a passion for life that Death awakened in her.

The other podcast episode is with New Zealander Margaret McCallum about what she calls her work of soul midwifery. It’s also a fascinating and deeply enriching listen. Her relationship with death changed when her toddler survived a car crash that took the lives of her parents. Everyone can benefit from hearing Margaret’s unique and uplifting perspective. She also has a poignant and beautifully written book.

You can reach those episodes below by clicking the photos or button below them or find them where you love to listen to your podcasts.

Please subscribe to the podcast and leave a review. That is a tremendous help for the podcast being positioned where those who need it most can easily find them.

Frequently I get asked about my story or what would lead someone to do this work. That’s the question the memoir through the lens of death was answering. For now though, you can read this recent interview and hear a bit more of the mojo behind the book and project. Linked HERE.

I still hope to have a book release event/party in Whangarei at our fave venue ONEONESIX at some point after my return from US when this pandemic is hopefully treating us a bit kinder and gentler. I look forward to personally connecting with our local community there.

This is a much longer update than usual. Thanks so much for reading to the end. I’d love to hear from you. Never hesitate to email me at deathdialogues@gmail.com.

All things good,

Becky

Me and my brother exhaling along a Michigan river during his brain cancer journey … seven years older, he was my hero and biggest support throughout my life.

He taught me how to be a good person.

Kate Manser is a spiritual leader whose work is to help people live more alive in their everyday life. Her work as a meditation guide, author, and artist has touched millions of people around the world. Her book, YOU MIGHT DIE TOMORROW, was lauded as “illuminating the beauty of being alive” by NYT Bestselling author Brad Montague. Kate is currently on tour leading her Kaleidoscope Meditation Walks around the United States. Find Kate's meditations to help you live more alive in your everyday life on katemanser.com, YouTube, and Insight Timer. Find her in IG @thealivekate.

You can listen to this episode now by clicking the above photo or below button.

Please subscribe to the podcast, wherever you listen, and leave a rating. It helps the cause tremendously.

Press here to listen to Kate Manser: ALIVE

Margaret was born and raised in Aotearoa New Zealand. She has lived there, in various corners of the country, apart from ten years in the UK. Her interests and areas of work have shifted over the decades, but a strong underlying theme is always a passion for the growth or evolution of people of any age. This includes people who are dying. Margaret has a deep interest in death and dying, especially in opening people to the gifts in dying, gifts which she feels are often not experienced in Western society because of a cultural resistance to death, even so-called ‘timely’ death. Margaret has three adult children and four precious young grandsons who bring her much joy.

Find Margaret at https://www.margaretmccallum.com/

LISTEN TO SOUL MIDWIFERY

We get by with a little help from our friends … Each of these people were a part of Death and its Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Beautiful Lessons. I love the feeling of community this montage illustrates. Please send me a photo of you with the book as I will be making more of these lovely compilations.

thanks for being here …

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