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Forgo bragging rights
Last week, Dr. Ijeoma Opara, an assistant professor at Yale, tweeted:
“Mentors: be aware of your need to control and take credit. If at any moment you feel the need to brag about your mentee in a way that is giving yourself recognition, rethink why you are doing this. Seek therapy for it if you need to.”
This tweet was part of a longer thread about something that happened earlier in her career, when a white faculty member told people that she “made” Opara. That person also asked Opara to tell anyone who congratulated her on awards and grants received that she, the faculty member, had mentored her. She wanted to receive some of the credit and kudos herself.
As allies, let’s learn from Opara’s cautionary tale. If we ever want bragging rights for the work someone did after we acted as their ally, take a pause. Instead of putting ourselves in the spotlight, let’s shine that light on their accomplishments.
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Don’t pressure people into conformity
In Professionalism is a bias-making machine that needs to end. Here’s how to dismantle it, Business Insider editor Drake Baer wrote:
“Professionalism is, by its provenance, a legacy of elites. White men of a certain class created what we now know as corporate America, so the norms of that still majority culture are what everybody else must assimilate themselves to if they want to move up in the world. Such customs include speaking in a white American dialect, concealing tattoos or piercings, and wearing the right thing, whether that’s business suits or Patagonia vests. Yet research has shown that if a workplace culture pressures employees into conformity, workers are more exhausted, less engaged, less committed, and more likely to move on.”
He also pointed out the importance of the CROWN Act (Creating a Respectful and Open World for Natural Hair), which would ban hair discrimination at work. Last month, it passed in the U.S. House of Representatives and is now headed to the Senate.
When I shared Baer’s article on Twitter, Rose Martin tweeted:
“Love this piece. Much like ‘executive presence,’ ‘professionalism’ is one of those words that should always raise a red flag - what does it mean and who defines it?”
Spot on.
Allies, let’s look out for comments about someone’s lack of professional semblance. Are they being judged simply because their appearance, clothing, hair, or speaking style is different from the norm? Then, explore how this difference might benefit the business.
Remember, as Baer wrote in the article, “if a workplace culture pressures employees into conformity, workers are more exhausted, less engaged, less committed, and more likely to move on.”
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Tell me about yourself
During one of my Better Allies keynotes last week, an audience member posed a question that I don’t think I answered very well. They asked, “What’s a more inclusive way to get to know someone instead of asking where they’re from?”
I’m disappointed with my response. I don’t remember my exact words, but I suggested stepping back and considering your goal. If it’s simply small talk, consider asking about their favorite food growing up.
As I was answering, someone offered a different (and better) suggestion in the chat: “Tell me about yourself.”
I love it. This open-ended approach is more inclusive because the person can choose what they want to share versus asking them something specific about their background.
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Feature diversity in slides and media
We send subtle messages whenever and wherever we use images. In presentations and pitch decks. In user personas. In marketing collateral. In blog posts. On websites. If these materials show only people who are white, male, thin, or have no visible disabilities, for example, they can reinforce stereotypes.
By contrast, I remember being happily surprised about five years ago as I watched Joel Spolsky, then CEO of Stack Overflow, deliver a keynote at Pluralsight LIVE. When he showed photos of software developers, they were all women of color.
If you’re looking for stock photos or illustrations that feature people from underrepresented groups, I have a list of sites on the Better Allies website. Many are free, and some charge a fee.
Most recently, I added these resources:
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All Go: Stock photos featuring plus-size people.
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Centre for Aging Better: Positive and realistic images of older people in a bid to challenge negative and stereotypical views of later life.
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pocstock: Discover beautiful images of people of color.
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SocietyPix: A collection of photos of people with disabilities from SOZIALHELDEN (Social Heroes), a German nonprofit organization.
If you know of another site for my online list, please reply to this email and point me to it. 🙏
(Many thanks to Tara Roberston, who also has a list of stock photo sites, and to Silke Georgi for bringing some of these new collections to my attention.)
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Realize not everyone can make eye contact
After reading my 50 Potential Privileges in the Workplace list, newsletter subscriber Brenna Miaira Kutch sent me this helpful feedback:
“In light of Autism Acceptance Month, I wanted to point out that ‘21. Your manager maintains eye contact when speaking to you’ may certainly be a privilege when it comes to neurotypicals, but many autistic people (managers and front-line staff alike, myself included) find eye contact uncomfortable and avoid it.”
Since publishing my list, I’ve also learned that, in certain cultures, eye contact can be a sign of disrespect, so people look downwards instead.
As I explained to Kutch, I crafted this privilege after hearing from many women that their male supervisor would look at their peers when asking questions, ignoring them (the only woman in the room) in small group meetings. Or, in 1-on-1 sessions, their manager would look at the floor or out the window. As a result, they felt unwelcome. At times, even invisible.
That said, I appreciate Kutch’s insight about how people with autism can find eye contact uncomfortable. Once again, I need to express my gratitude for my newsletter subscribers. I learn from you all the time.
Let’s all realize that not everyone can make or maintain eye contact. And, if we’re one of them, ensure we’re sending strong signals that we’re listening to all in the room.
That’s all for this week. I wish you strength and safety as we all move forward.
— Karen Catlin (she/her), Author of Better Allies®
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Mark Your Calendar
I’m excited about my upcoming talks for the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, California Water Association, Google, Return of the Masterminds, and Yale University.
If you’ve seen me speak, you know how much I love sharing the Better Allies® approach. Interested in having me talk at your upcoming event? Reply to this email to start the conversation. It’s that easy.
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