October 2022 (Volume 12- Issue #08)
Hello and happy Saturday, <<Name>> ! We're finally into what I'd call a REAL Fall here in Ohio. The temperatures are lower, the leaves have shifted colors, and I spent an hour this morning raking leaves. Though, of course, several hours later it looks like I didn't do a thing! (Especially since we live at the end of a cul-de-sac.)
Before we dive into what's been on my mind, I just want you to know how much I value our time here together here. I am truly grateful each month when I get to visit you here in your inbox. So, a lovely hello to all my old friends as well as a hearty welcome those of you who are new to my world.
“Ultimately we know deeply
that the other side of every fear
is freedom.”
--Marilyn Ferguson
As we nestle into fall, we also witness the arrival of “spooky season”. I always loved Halloween when I was a  little girl. And though I did my share of visiting haunted houses as a teen, what I loved most about the Halloween season was dressing up and playing pretend. Well, and I loved the décor of Halloween: witches, ghosts, and pumpkins! Those felt fun to me.
As I’ve gotten older, it’s good to come full circle and remind myself that beyond that, this is the perfect time of year to talk about – and explore – fear.
Because if there is a feeling I know intimately, it’s fear.
As a child, I was afraid of the dark and slept with my closet light on. I closed the closet door, of course, because the open space and shadows coming from the closet were scary, too. A tiny sliver of light, however, was enough to keep my fear of the dark and the monsters in my closet at bay so I could fall asleep.
It would be great to be able to tell you that now I’m a grownup, I’ve outgrown all my fears, because, logically, darkness and open closet doors don’t equal monsters. Being an adult means never dealing with fear again, right?
Unfortunately, that's not the case. We fight a variety of fears daily as adults now, too, don’t we? Fear is a part of being human.
Though our adult fears may seem a little different, most of them come from the same place: we acquire our fears through the act of living.
Science tells us that we are born with only two fears: falling and loud noises. They are a part of our DNA with the single aim of keeping humans alive and motivated to avoid potential dangers.
Fear is a mechanism for survival for each generation. It's there to protect you.
What are you afraid of? For many people the obvious answers would be spiders, snakes and dark alleys. Let’s face it: these are things that we can avoid in most cases. In fact, we often make jokes about these types of fears because we see them as common amongst the human race.
Want to know another reason we can talk about these kinds of fears? They are forces from outside of us.
What people usually don't want to talk about is the fears that come from inside our own minds.
Like the fear of intimacy, commitment, or not being loved. The fear of rejection or the fear that we will never belong to the cool kids table. We may be afraid of loving others or at be afraid of being seen as vulnerable or  less than Instagram imperfect. And let’s not forget the fear of being judged, embarrassed, or rejected.
And, surprisingly, fearing success is as common as fearing failure. Though our inborn fears of loud noises and falling help us live longer, most of our fears aren’t deadly, yet they can paralyze us.
These deeper forces aren’t really about what’s outside us. No, these fears come from within us. The ones that we feel are ours alone and that no one else would get, because they are so deep and personal. The ones we rarely, if ever, talk about.
I point these out because the truth is that these are common fears despite the fact we feel we are the only ones who aren't brave.
You may be wondering where these deep, inner fears come from: they are learned by association and identification. Most of our fears – whether it’s a fear of being good enough or a fear of snakes – are born at an early age due to some childhood trauma or unhappy experience.
Even if you had an idyllic childhood, the roots of fears are there in usually the first twenty years of our lives. Often, we forget an origin as another protective mechanism. But there is value in digging into where a fear originated with the help of a good therapist - a key to my own healing.
But let's not digress. I want to talk about fear with you because managing it and learning to channel a little bit of courage can go a long way in helping you to create a life that is more nourishing.
I say this out of love and want to be crystal clear: if you choose to not move towards your desires because you’re afraid of failure, success, looking foolish, or losing the love and affection of someone, you are settling for less than you deserve.
Because, my dearest, you deserve to live a life that is loving, nurturing and fulfilling. And that means shining a  light on our fears so that we don’t allow them paralyze us.
I would love to tell you that I’m not afraid of anything any longer. That after more than a decade as a life coach, I’ve become a “courage whisperer” no matter what is tossed my way.
It isn’t that I’m fearless. Or that I’ve completely mastered all my fears. Or so sure of myself that I am no longer feel uncertain or vulnerable. Or any kind of mastery of fear.
It’s just that, over the years, I’ve many of fear’s tricks.
Which means that most of the time, I can see fear coming and can prepare myself to face it head on. And it's why, as a coach, I've become really good at helping clients recognize when fear is in control of their actions and choices.
So, how can you recognize fear in your own life?
- You learn to recognize procrastination, avoidance, and overscheduling yourself as a way fear is trying to keep you small or life from changing.
- You see through name calling – calling yourself lazy or unmotivated or other such names.
- You begin to see through your own arguments, excuses, and when the voice of “logic” is really just another way fear is trying to trick you into not taking action.
- You recognize the emotions that are masking fear like feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or paralyzed.
- You learn to recognize the other ways you react to fear that might not seem like fear. I freshened up this old blog post about “Fight, Flight, or Freeze” and how that manifests in your life to help you do just that.
“Some days it is a heroic act
just to refuse the paralysis of fear
and straighten up
and step into another day.”
– Edward Albert
What actions can you take to manage your fear? And channel a little bit of courage?
- You do things in spite of being afraid.
- Name your fears. Are you afraid of success, failure or both? Is the fear about what others will think? Is vulnerability causing you to be afraid? Afraid of feeling? Afraid of getting hurt? By naming it, you allow the cause of your fear to lose a little bit of power.
- You remind yourself that you are not going to let fear take the reins of your life.
- Get Clear about your “why” when it comes to what you’re afraid of doing. Are you wanting to
 write a book because you love words or do you want your mother to finally be proud of you? Are you wanting to lose weight so that others will look at you and think you are beautiful or because you want to feel healthy? Clarity around the motivation behind any dream or goal is valuable when it comes to managing your fears. Or seeing when something isn't fear but isn't aligned with your truer desires. Because if you have a specific dream or goal that doesn’t originate from within but because it’s someone else’s dream, then it really doesn’t belong to you. So, in that case, you aren't afraid beyond the inability to please someone else.
- You do things in spite of not knowing the outcome. Because no one can predict the future even if you follow a plan.
- Just like knowing how your response to fear shows up, also learn to recognize what triggers your fear response. Is it a particular “friend” on Facebook? Does a conversation with your sister about her perfect life? Is it being short-changed on sleep or being hungry? This is the kind of work you can do when life feels on track so that you're better prepared for a future fear.
- You choose love, lean into desire and take giant leaps of faith. And sometimes, the giant leap of faith isn’t so much as a leap, but a baby step.
- Build action into your daily life. Routines can sound boring, but if you consciously bring your goals into your daily life, you will be less fearful. The bonus is that when actions towards your desires becomes habit, there’s less far.
- You silence the shame. Have a conversation with someone you trust about your fears. When we shine a light on our shame, it silences it. Discussing fears in the open is more beneficial than keeping secrets. That acknowledging your fears can help you stop flagellating yourself.
- Recognize that you don't have to do it all alone. When you get some help, you are ensuring fear doesn't take over. Whether you work with a coach, a therapist, or spiritual director, you do not have to deal with fear all on your own.
- Last, but not least, build your courage muscles! When you improve your confidence, you get a little bit more courageous. I resurrected an old blog post on how to do just this which you can find here.
“Courage is not the absence of fear,
but rather the judgement that
something else is more important than fear.”
--Ambrose Redmoon
Fear is a part of being human, my dear, but we do not have to allow fear to rule us.You will never achieve your desires if you let your fears and shame paralyze you. Shame and fear keep us from taking action, yet  when we do take action, we get a little braver.
When we do things, we are afraid of doing, we grow in our confidence, building those courage muscles. Enabling us to do hard things.
Taking action despite your fear is how you choose happiness.
While this doesn’t mean that you will be free of your fears, it’s much better than allowing those fears to keep you from living a life that’s loving, nourishing, and happy. We are human and will never be without fear, yet we can still move towards our dreams when we stop trying to pretend our fears don’t exist.
Here's to making the decision that fear is not going to call the shots in your life. May you take action towards your desires this fall. Even if - and maybe more especially if - it means doing something scary.
PS - I have space for two new clients as we move towards 2023. If working with a life coach is something you'd like to consider to help you bust through your fears, schedule a complimentary chat to see if we're a good fit. Or, reply to this email.
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No matter what's happening in the outside world - or in my own small little world - one thing I've learned is that the smallest of things can keep us afloat, pull us out of the deep end, and help us be a happier version of yourself.
That's what I aim to share with you here each month. The stuff that's seems small but is making a powerful difference in the quality of my daily life.
Here are some things that are always helpful when managing my fears and channeling courage:
Go to the Page
I'm sure it's no surprise to you that turning to my journal is one of the number one ways I deal with what's  behind my fears...and making plans for being more courageous. The blank pages are just the invitation I need to explore my thoughts and emotions.
Back in 2016, I began using Leuchtturm1917 notebooks. When I purchased my first one, I fell in love. Not only was it was serviceable, it was deliciously decadent. The A5 size journal fits into my purse with ease, but it was all kinds of delightful in the details: index at the front, numbered pages, two bookmarks, a pocket, and sewn in pages so it lays flat.
The journals also come with labels that can then be used for storage and reference. I keep two journals going at all times. One is more of a bullet journal/diary format while the other is a pure journal.
You can purchase the Leuchtturm1917 notebooks at Goulet Pen Company, Amazon, and Barnes and Noble. I prefer the Medium (A5) Notebooks with Dotted Grid. They also come lined.
Go to the Kitchen
Sometimes I find that doing something unrelated to what's coming up fear wise is the best way to work through my emotions. And, since I love food and cooking, I turn to the kitchen.
Though it's the season for Pumpkin Spice and other warming spices like cinnamon, I tend to go savory. I'm not  doing a lot of baking these days. Avoiding gluten is better for my joints. And, frankly, I've found that the less I eat sweets, the more often just a tiny treat satisfies any sweet tooth cravings.
One of my favorite new discoveries is the spice blends from The Spice House. I was part of a "Christmas in July" gift exchange this summer and my secret pal gifted me several of their spices - including their Popcorn Collection. And since we aren't big popcorn people, I started using these spices when I would roast potatoes, sweet potatoes, and winter squashes. As well as using the spices on chicken breasts and pork loin.
The stand out favorite for me has been their "Gateway to the North" blend, which has maple sugar, brown sugar, garlic, kosher salt, pepper, and onion in it. I loved it so much that just this week I ordered several of their "flat pack" sizes.
Working with spices, especially in new ways, invites you senses to engage. And you'll be surprised how a problem suddenly works itself out. Or you find just the amount of awareness you need.
PS - a bonus recipe for you: peel and de-seed a Delicata or other winter squash and then dice it into cubes or spears. Toss lightly in some olive oil and then generously season with the Gateway to the North seasoning as well as a bit of cinnamon. Roast it in the oven on 350 for about 20 minutes. OR put it in a foil packet and roast it on the grill!
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We are transitioning from making most of our meals on the grill to using the crock pot more. And if there's one  thing I turn to when I'm wanting to manage the discomfort of fear it's comfort food. And what is more comforting than a warm bowl of Chicken Soup?
And the honest truth is that though I share recipes here with you, most of the time when I cook, I don't measure or try to follow a recipe.That means that even when I think I did the exact same thing as the time before, somethings it doesn't work as well.
So, I'm going to share what worked for the perfect bowl of goodness on a dreary day. And how to "fix" it if it's either too bland or too spicy.
(Note: if you already have leftover chicken - or for that matter: turkey, or a rotisserie chicken from the grocery store- you can skip ahead to the aromatics.)
Begin by chopping up 1 to 2 pounds boneless, skinless chicken breast into chunks. You can also start with boneless tenders, too.
Cover the bottom of a Dutch Oven with Olive Oil and add the chicken. Heavily season the chicken with garlic powder, ground sage, some dried oregano. Stir the chicken so that the outside begins to sear.
This is one recipe that doesn't call for exacts of anything. Rather, rummage through your vegetable bin and  freezer for small bits of flavor. Begin with aromatics: onions, shallots, garlic, celery, and carrots.
Dice your onions and then cut the celery and carrots into bite sized pieces. Add the onions and then the carrots to the pan with the chicken. And when the onions begin to soften, add your celery.
Then after they begin to soften, add some garlic. You can dice about two cloves of garlic OR a healthy squeeze of minced garlic that comes in a tube in the produce section.
As this sautés, dice 1/2 a can of Chipoltle peppers in adobe sauce. I'm not a big fan of big spice, so I sliced the peppers open and removed the seeds before dicing them. Add the diced peppers as well as a couple of spoons of the Adobe sauce to the mixture on the stove. Set aside.
Here's where things can go two ways: Stove Top or Crock Pot
I've made this after 6 PM on a Tuesday when we were already tired and worn down. So, after the spices have been added, next 3 to 4 cups of turkey or chicken stock. If you don't have homemade stock, use a good boxed broth (I prefer unsalted Kitchen Basics) and bring that to a boil.
As you are waiting for it to boil, it's time to add more veggies if you want / have them. I always throw in a 1/2 cup or so of frozen corn. And sometimes I add can of DRAINED petite diced tomatoes. Cover and simmer for about 20 minutes.
If you're planning ahead, add your sautéed chicken and vegies to the crock pot. Then, the broth and any additional veggies. This can cook on low for about six hours.
To add a splash of freshness to this soup, slice up a lime and serve with lime wedges.
For serving, get some of your favorite toppings: diced avocado, fresh cilantro, chives, sour cream, grated cheese, and your favorite tortilla chips.
Some notes:
- Leftovers can be frozen for about three months.
- You can use rotisserie chicken from your grocery store deli and boxed broth to make this come
 together. You can also buy already chopped mirepoix at most grocery stores.
- The leftover Chipotle Peppers in Adobe sauce can be put in the freezer. I do this by de-seeding the entire can of peppers, putting serving size amounts of peppers on waxed paper, and then in snack-sized zip lock bags before putting the bags in the freezer.
- Because this makes enough for leftovers, you make it a bit of a different meal by serving soup over cooked rice or stirring in some cooked noodles. Note that you might want to add some extra broth if this is the case.
- You can also add a can of rinsed and drained beans - black, dark red kidney, and cannellini beans all work here.
- Or, you can make this more of a veggie forward soup by adding diced potatoes (sweet, yellow, or white) as well as some frozen green beans.
- And if you're looking to add more greens to your diet, you can also add chopped green cabbage, baby spinach, kale, or swiss chard. You'll need to sauté cabbage or kale in a bit of olive oil
 before you add it to your soup. But softer greens, like spinach, can be added at the very end of when you're warming it up. Softer greens basically just need to wilt to be perfect!
And what I learned from failed batches of soup - and lots of internet research.
One evening, I wasn't feeling in the mood for spicy soup so I added very little pepper to it. AND also added a can of beans to make it a little heartier. BIG mistake. It was so bland and boring. There are a couple of fixes for bland soup.
- You can, of course, add more spice. However, that's hard to do after the soup is cooked because all the veggies will still taste pretty bland.
- Squeeze some fresh citrus - lemon or lime - into the soup right before serving.
- Add some apple cider vinegar - just a splash
- Ensure you add salt. I try to cook pretty low sodium, but soup needs a little salt. Especially if you use a lot of neutral veggies.
- Last, but not least, put the soup in the freezer and when you pull it out of the freezer for another meal, begin by sautéing half of a diced onion in some olive oil. As the onion sautés, add some spices to the oil - garlic, cumin, chili, or cayenne. They will "bloom" in the oil. THEN add the too-bland soup to this as you warm it up for dinner. Be sure and add the squeeze of citrus!
And, of course, I've made this way too spicy. Trying to fix my mistakes of the previous too-bland batch. So, how can you fix too spicy soup?
- Add dairy. A dollop of sour cream, Greek yogurt, or even swirl of buttermilk stirred into the soup will mellow out the heat.
- Add more ingredients - especially starchy or bland ones. This can be challenging if you're ready to eat. But by adding beans, more broth, rice, or some noodles, the additional ingredients will balance out the spice. Cabbage is a good addition here as well!
- You can do the freezer method. Put leftovers in the freezer. And when you thaw for a second meal, begin by sautéing and softening some root veggies - carrots, parsnips, or potatoes in the pan before adding the soup to warm up. Oh, and you'll need more broth, too. You can also add more sautéed chicken.
Last, but not least, if you have two failed batches in your freezer - one bland and one spicy - simply combine them together. Again, you’ll need to add more broth.
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Have you chosen Your Word for 2022? It's something I've been doing since 2005 and has been a great influence and support on my personal development over the years.
Yes, even those years that I have tried to ignore my word, just the act of choosing a Word is like a prayer.
One thing I wanted to do in the year ahead is to serve as a cheerleader, companion, and champion for you - and Your Word - for 2022.
In my experience our words work their own special magic whether we check in with them or not, but keeping them in mind certainly helps boost their ability to serve us.
Here's some ways to play and connect in this month:
- Ask yourself: What ways is my WORD inviting me to channel courage? Grab a sheet of
 paper, your journal, or open a blank document on your computer to explore the answers to this question.
- How can my WORD grant myself permission to stop letting my fears get in the way of what I desire? Sometimes, we make excuses - and use logic - as a way to stall our goals. Because what if we were to succeed? So, how can your word support the choice to move forward in spite of your fears - be it fear of failure or success.
- Sometimes the best way to deal with fears is to bring a lot of awareness to them. Use your word to help you go deeper - when in the past have you faced up to similar fears? And how can your WORD serve you in moving beyond your own paste. What I mean by this is to brainstorm little things that have gotten in the way of your desires in the past - did you become afraid of success because you were "too good" as a student and maybe called a "know it all"? Did you become afraid of not being perfect because someone might not love you? Explore how your WORD supports you in uncovering your past so it doesn't define your future. .
PS - Your guide for choosing a Word for 2023 will be sent out to you in next month's love note. But that means there isn't still time to love up your Word of the Year for 2022!
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