This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honourably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.
 

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

meet them at the door laughing,

and invite them in.
 

Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

– Rumi

|  Sanskrit: मैत्री  |  Pali: mettā  |  English: benevolence / loving-kindness / friendliness/ an active interest in others  |

Maitri, the first of the four Brahmaviharas (Immeasurables), aptly referred to as one of the sublime states in Buddhism, defines how we associate with the world within and without. The brilliant author, environmental activist, and Buddhist scholar Joanna Macy sets it up succinctly and beautifully for us when she says, "You become what you love."

It begins, as so many beautiful beginnings do, as an offering.
Maitri – unconditional friendliness, or non-judgmental acceptance of everything – is the greatest gift we can give to ourselves.  A basic trust in knowing that our hearts are fundamentally open and spacious, even if, at times, covered up by fear, doubt, anxiety, hatred, jealousy and crowded by the crazy thoughts we think in the name of self-protection. Maitri is our ability to cultivate an openness that has room for boundless kindness and compassion towards others while first and foremost taking care of ourselves. It helps us overcome our own habitual tendencies of selfishness and aggression. To the extent we can love ourselves without being self-indulgent, to the degree we can get in touch with our basic goodness, and to the extent we are willing to look at our mental constructs, our afflictions and obscurations, we can love and celebrate and accept others.

If we try and look at ourselves clearly, we will find self-criticism and self-loathing. Our unwholesome thoughts and actions, sometimes bordering on self-abnegation, are a kind of violence towards ourselves. What's worse, mired in our own stories, our drama, we keep hurting ourselves. Left unprocessed, this pain usually gets projected as anger towards or disappointment with the world at large. When we embrace ourselves with maitri, we loosen up a bit. The world within and without seems to become more friendly and relaxed. 

Life is so difficult. Why be anything but kind, especially to ourselves? 
As educational psychologists Kristin Neff and Chris Germer have shared, it is important to talk to ourselves with the same loving and tender care we would offer our closest friends and loved ones. The invitation then, is to cultivate, whether through meditation or other skilful means, ways of abiding in loving-kindness. Means that are grounded in constructive self-talk. We can be defined by what we are for instead of what we are against. 

Truly befriending ourselves takes courage, for it is, to a great extent, about being vulnerable and utterly raw. And to be vulnerable and raw is to contact our truth, shadows and all. So, how do we inhabit our vulnerability? By stepping beyond the peripheral conversations and connecting, really connecting with our innate source. That's where the answers lie. By not being afraid of stepping beyond thresholds. Some thresholds beckon us to enter. The invitation is to step in fully and unconditionally as ourselves. To go right in, to show up wholeheartedly, to engage in, to give to and of ourselves a little more than is comfortable. These callings will come in relationships, at work, with our children, for our country. Some thresholds ask of us the courage to step out (often, out of our comfort zones) and move on. To walk away. To go silent. To simplify. To move differently. To change the way we engage with society, politics, (and especially) in the way we use our planet’s resources. The space in between these thresholds is the wisdom and clarity that guides our inner voice to do what is right. What is needed. What is necessary.

This is by no means easy, for it requires us to get to know ourselves fully and in all aspects. The revered nun, Pema Chödrön sums it up playfully, "Sometimes we are completely sane and in control. At other times, we are all a basket case."  
The gift of loving-kindness can help us hold all of who we are with tenderness.