Thanks to all who joined
ASSIST'S AGM

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TGIF

This week’s blog is for everyone who has ever had a bad week.

Mine actually started last Thursday when one of my adult sons developed mild cold symptoms and had to quarantine pending COVID test results. He is an adult and I often only see him once a week or so, but the idea that my son was sick—even if it was just a cold—and I couldn’t see him was disturbing. He likes to work on his project car when he has free time, so I offered him my garage as part of his quarantine space, to which he replied that his quarantine space ended at the doorframe of his apartment. Good news, though, he tested negative and was back at work on Monday, at the Foothills Hospital in the heart of an outbreak.

Then on Friday, I learned that an elderly relative had passed away, and I got the job of sharing the news to other family members. Even when it is expected, it’s still sad. And with each phone call you place, you experience the sadness again. Then, of course, family stuff inevitably kicks up. There is an old saying that nothing is certain except death and taxes. I think it should be nothing is certain except death and the family kerfuffle that follow, since we have learned that taxes aren’t in fact inevitable for the wealthy and powerful.

After a windy weekend where I stayed indoors as much as possible, I faced a demanding week not feeling refreshed at all. I found myself making mistakes and not thinking clearly. Mistakes don’t have to be huge to undermine our confidence and it is easy to walk down the path of “how could I have missed X?” and “why didn’t I think of Y” and “I mustn’t be a very good lawyer…”

The answer is that bad weeks are stressful and that, while a certain amount of stress can be good for us—puts us in the zone—too much stress impairs performance.  

Jeena Cho, an American lawyer and meditation practitioner, writes about stress in the legal profession. She recognizes that while there are two primary ways to manage stress--getting rid of the stress stimulus and changing our reaction—there is a third alternative: developing resilience.

She promotes self-care as an important resilience builder. https://www.abajournal.com/magazine/article/self_care_stress_anxiety_management.

She is not the only advocate of self-care as a key resilience determinant. And speaking of resilience, did you see the envelope from Assist included in your print copy of Law Matters in August? Did you open it? Inside, you will find a small bookmark that displays a graphic for resilience-building shared with us by the Psychologists Association of Alberta. Number one on the list if taking care of yourself. 

Cho says that self-care is “any activity or behavior you do to take care of your mental, emotional and physical well-being.” There is no magic list of what you should do if you for self-care—it depends on what recharges your own battery but here are a few of her suggestions:

She says: 
 

"When it comes to self-care, it’s not so much the activity itself that matters but the attitude you bring to the activity. Even a simple activity like washing your hands can be a practice in self-care. Rather than rushing and washing your hands on autopilot, you can slow down, pay attention to the sensation of the soap, the water, and take a moment to reconnect with yourself."

This week, I went beyond her suggestion of listening to my favourite song. I found a new station on Sirius Radio called Classic Rewind’s Top 100. It could have been called “Music From Some of Your Favourite Times”. Connecting with music from my high school and university days brought back predominantly positive memories (choose wisely!). And sometimes I sang (and even danced like no one was watching because my dog may see but she doesn’t judge.)

I also knew that I needed humour to break the rumination cycle—how did I miss X, why didn’t I think of Y, how am I going to prove that I am, in fact, capable, etc. I found that the final season of The Good Place—a show about human imperfection-- had been released on Netflix. I admit binge-watching the 14 episodes in three evenings.  This isn’t a long-term strategy, but it is okay to allow yourself some curl-up-on-the-couch time.

And remember to let yourself off the hook when you feel that you measured up short of perfection. Lawyers tend to have impossibly high standards for themselves. It is part of how we got into and through law school. I think we have all experienced—or will soon experience—working with a more senior lawyer who let us know that our lack of perfection was unimpressive. Those words and those tones of voice tend to repeat in our heads and it is hard to turn them off.

There is a strategy called cross-examining your negative thoughts. When you start replaying your greatest mistakes in your head, it is easy to slip into a negative thought pattern that says that you aren’t a good lawyer, a good friend or a good person and then focus on all of the evidence that supports this assertion. But ask yourself if there is evidence that refutes this, too. You may have made a mistake on a file or forgot a friend’s birthday, but does that one act define you? Or are there several instances where you did an excellent job or helped a friend? You don’t have to let the negative voice rule your thoughts.

This is another strategy on our 5 Ways to Build Resilience bookmark: avoid seeing crises as insurmountable problems and look beyond the present to how future circumstances may be a little bit better.

If you are having trouble visualising how a problem can be overcome or how the future could be better, call us. We can connect you with a professional counsellor who can help you see your internal strengths and help you find a different perspective. And we can connect with a caring peer support volunteer who has been through a difficult circumstance, too.

Some weeks are harder than others. Be kind to yourself and make time for simple activities that make you enjoy and find relaxing.

And if you aren’t a CBA member or misplaced our envelope in the Law Matters package, let us know—we can provide you with a new letter and bookmark with resiliency tips.