Tineshia Graham has helped raise more than seven children, six of whom she adopted. And she’d love more!
The first, who Ms. Graham took into her family, was a young child with autism who was difficult to place. A child with little impulse control and of a different race – she was not sure she would know how to parent him.
Ms. Graham learned techniques that helped the child modulate his actions, his noises and tantrums. For example, she’d whisper in his ear the ABC’s while at the doctor’s office, so it would be a productive visit.
"I didn’t know what to do when I took my first child in.
But God told me, and I listened."
The principal spotted something in the youngster while in Kindergarten and told Tineshia that he could be successful out of special education classes. And while a leap of faith, it was with Tenisha’s encouragement he excelled at school -- and then took off. He is now a third-year student at Wayne State University, where he was awarded an academic scholarship.
Tineshia expanded her family by taking in his sister and brother then later another set of three siblings who lost their mother. One of them recently was awarded a full scholarship to the University of Michigan.
“I didn’t know what to do when I took my first child in,” Ms. Graham said. “But, God told me, and I listened.”
PARENTING TIPS FROM TINESHIA GRAHAM
Listen to what your kid says – all of it.
Always encourage them.
Never share any negativity about their birth parents.
Tell them what you know – everything, including unpleasant topics about what life can hand you. You would rather they learn it from you.
TINESHIA’s PHILOPSPHY ABOUT CHILDREN
Tell kids about cause and effect and how their actions will affect their future and others.
Always have several options. An A plan, B Plan and C plan.
I put my all into being a mom.
TIPS TO SUPPORT A CHILD TO SUCEED AT SCHOOL
Be engaged with their school. Attend parent conferences, events and Back to School Night and meet the teachers.
Get To Know the Principal. If your child has an IEP, it is imperative to develop a relationship with the principal, as well as the teachers. If you go in for a meeting and the teachers are talking about your child, you will need the principal on your side.
Homework always comes first, before other activities.
In Memorium
Mr. Paul Edward Welch
1939-2020
We are saddened to report Mr. Paul Edward Welch, a longtime advocate of Spaulding for Children, passed away on Aug. 25, 2020 in Sarasota, Fla. Mr. Welch was 81.
Mr. Welch will be remembered for being an early and consistent supporter of Spaulding for Children and other not-for-profit organizations, including First Step of Sarasota, YMCA, West Coast Black Theater Group and Catholic Charities. He also was an active member of AA for 25 years, serving as mentor and counselor to many in need.
Among his many good works, Mr. Welch created a scholarship program for Spaulding.
“I am forever grateful for Mr. Welch and his generous scholarship that helped me on my journey,” Ms. Veda Marie, a Welch Scholarship recipient, said. “It means so much to me. Over the past summer, I’ve received my Associates in Arts and Criminal Justice, graduating summa cum laude. I thank Mr. Welch for helping me accomplish my goal. I sincerely appreciate his help.”
Paul E. Welch was born February 1, 1939 in Detroit, Mich., to the late Edward and Dorothy Welch. He proudly served in the United States Army, Air National Guard and the Air Force Reserves.
Mr. Welch had a tremendous work ethic and strong desire to succeed in life. Rising to the highest levels in the midwestern lumber industry in Michigan where he grew up. His absence of formal education was overpowered by his drive and charisma. He was an avid sportsman, enjoying boating and walks along the beach. Mr. Welch moved to Florida after his retirement.
His discrete charitable acts reached far and wide. From the buddy that needed a helping hand, to the organization that needed a new building. The phone call always ended with “I love you MAN!” Paul was a “Friend of Bill,” mentoring and sponsoring many, while sobriety became his mission in life for more than 20 years.
His strength and courage through Parkinson’s disease was admirable. His family reported Mr. Welch truly appreciated the kindness in all who cared for him with their frequent visits and calls. To all of those who Paul helped to change their lives, his family wants you to know that you changed his life too.
Paul is survived by his loving children, Cathy Welch, Carla (Donny) Luberto, Sheela Welch Allum, Brenda (Geoffrey) Michel and Duane Welch; siblings, Marilyn Fisher, Edward Welch, LuAnn Walrod and Janice Brown; and his cherished grandchildren, Jordan, Matthew, Kendall, Mariah, Leif, Nigel, Ava, Sawyer, Alec, Dylan and Brendan.
Memorial contributions in Paul’s honor may be made to First Step, 4579 Northgate Ct. Sarasota, FL 34234.
Fond memories and expressions of sympathy may be shared at www.palmsmemorial.com for the Welch family.
'Adopt' One Child for the Holidays
Please Join Our 'Community of Caring'
This year is like no other. And now, holiday parties are being cancelled for health and safety concerns.
However, we are determined to make it a special Christmas for our families. And we are asking for you to join us in the new Spaulding Community of Caring program. With your help, we will provide gifts for 300 children.
Included are all of our foster youth, as well as the Wendy’s Wonderful Kids and the families served by our Prevention services. They will receive a gift comprised of winter clothing, a coat or boots, and a toy or fun game.
Each child participating in Community of Caring will provide us with their specific requests and appropriate clothes sizing. We will match up individual children with a supporter and provide complete details once you have confirmed participation. We ask that the gifts be dropped off at our offices on or before Dec 4. Cash donations are accepted too.
To participate in the program and get details on what to buy for your child, please email cgist@spaulding.org.
To donate you can go to www.spaulding.org or mail a contribution to 16250 Northland Drive, Suite 120 Southfield, MI 48075. Please indicate “Community of Caring” on your donation.
Thank you for your continued support of Spaulding for Children. With your support, our Community of Caring program will mean we can continue to make a positive difference in the lives of children in our community. Together, we help build stronger families, the basis for building stronger communities.
Healthy Families America
Spaulding Supports Young Moms
When a young woman starts on the path to motherhood there is little instruction. And if you are very young (as young as 12) it can be especially challenging. But young women can get support and lots of instruction and guidance from Healthy Families America of which Spaulding is a part.
The program provides free home visits (or virtual during COVID-19) for young moms from onset of pregnancy until the child’s third birthday.
The program is free of charge for the mothers and has at its base an evidence-based curriculum. It is based on a trustful relationship that supports moms in building skills and confidence. The program is funded by the Michigan Health & Human Services.
"Our program works so well because trust is at the core," Angela Stewart, LMSW, Healthy Families America Wayne, said. "We do what we say we will do. And we find whatever resources that young woman may need. Many of our moms are in crisis when we meet them. Some lack family support, have transient housing, or lack reliable transportation or income. We point them to community resources and help them build their support network.”
Ms. Stewart has been with the Healthy Families American Wayne program for more than 12 years. She said it is imperative for moms to start their training during the prenatal period.
Among aspects of the support the program provides:
Screening for depression, abuse and substance abuse
Instructions in nutrition and self-care
Guidance on developing reflexive strategies- i.e. accentuate the positive.
Skill-building classes from breast feeding and safe sleep to ways to bond with your child
Identify when moms need additional support or respite care
Work with extended family to build support for mom and child
Visits are 60-90 minutes and start at twice a month then move to weekly in the third trimester. Six months prior to the child’s third birthday visits become focused on transitioning the youngster into school. They make sure a child has a doctor visit and dental visit, and that inoculations are updated and work to develop school readiness skills.
Transracial Adoption and
the Black Lives Matter Movement
More than 800 people attended our live panel discussion, “Transracial Adoption and the Black Lives Matter Movement.” Webcast live on Aug. 26, the program provided insight on how racial identity, the struggle for justice, and societal perceptions combine to impact adoption and foster parenting.
Three transracial adoptees who currently serve in the fields of adoption, foster parenting and child welfare comprised the panel: April Dinwoodie, Spaulding Consultant and Founder of Adoptment, a mentoring program that matches foster youth with adopted adults; Alexis Oberdorfer, President of Children’s Home Society of Minnesota; and Marcus Schmidt, a Mentor for Adoptment. Sharonlyn Harrison, Ph.D., President/CEO, Public Research and Evaluation Services, led the discussion as moderator.
“It is important for parents to be intentional, when raising children of color and create an environment, that reflects them and support positive self-esteem and identity development,” Ms. Oberdorfer wrote. “Exposure, proximity and access to people and communities of coIor is critical to developing the skills needed to combat micro-aggressions and racism that will be experienced as long as we live in a racialized society. All of these components are key to our development to find and embrace our true self. Parents intentionality and showing up to combat racial injustice will be seen by the adoptee. This demonstrates that the parent is an ally, to them individually and acknowledges the adoptees membership as a person of color and their intrinsic worth.”
The discussion bears great importance for those in the fields of adoption, foster care, and child welfare. Transracial adoption and the Black Lives Matter movement also represent important topics for the entire nation.
"Given the continued realities of racial injustice and the complexities that multiracial families face, it is urgent that we keep conversations about differences of race proactive and productive," Ms. Dinwoodie wrote. "From there the conversations must move to even more action in support of the physical, psychological, and emotional protection of children of color. (I am) grateful that Spaulding continues to take a leadership position and lift up the voices of those with lived experience."
If you missed the webinar, the discussion is archived at Spaulding.org. Click here for PDF the transcript. Many of the attendees provided feedback. About 94% or respondents reported a positive experience for our survey. Here’s a sample:
“I have adopted mixed race children and I have ensured their education of culture is in our daily life,” one wrote. “I believe this information should be mandatory to take with adopting another race.”
Another respondent said: “Great presentation regarding transracial adoption during these times when everyone is struggling with racism. This presentation is a good discussion piece for when you are matching children of a different race. Open discussion regarding possible negative impact the child may encounter. Great discussion.”
Another wrote: “Absolutely eye opening! I really loved hearing that the Black Lives Matter movement started from a love letter to the Black community. I loved hearing about the different perspectives of the speakers growing up in White homes.”
More constructive criticism was revealed in the feedback. One attendee would like to have seen “Deeper conversation on relating to family members who struggle with treating adoptive kids and bio kids equally.”
Another wondered what children currently in a mixed race home might provide: “Please add a person who was adopted over the age of 10, so that they can share their experience of ‘merging’ into a transracial culture.”
Another respondent wrote: “As an adult transracial adoptee, I would love to watch a webinar where current youth who were transracially adopted (regardless of whether that was when they were a baby or older) talk about how they feel about the topic. It would also be interesting to see how those youth feel about race relations in today's world, what going to school is like amidst everything that is being splashed across the news (and on social media).”
Others also wondered about learning from individuals, families and professionals who work in international adoptions.
We will keep you posted about our next webinar on adoption and foster parenting.
Spaulding Volunteer Tutoring Program
You may recall reading about Spaulding's first virtual Tutoring program.
Volunteer tutors in Florida were introduced to their Michigan students online in May and June.
We checked back in with some of the volunteer tutors to get a progress report.
“They were excited to be able to connect with these youth virtually during the pandemic,” Susanna Wolf-Heuerman, Caring Community Coordinator, said. “They too had not been able to participate in extracurricular activities and this program provided them an opportunity to do so.”
We spoke with Lizzie, a 7th grader who tutored a 7-year-old in language arts and reading skills. Lizzie always thought she would become a teacher, so tutoring was a natural fit for her.
“At first we would read a book together and I’d picked out words to sight-read and rhyme,” Lizzie said. While the youngster started out behind grade level in reading skills, she has progressed through the twice weekly online sessions with Lizzie. “I was surprised how quickly she picked it all up and learned the materials. I always look forward to seeing her.”
Lizzie’s mom adds that Spaulding provided a great orientation that included parents. After the first months of being frustrated with distance learning after March’s shutdown, many were cautious about what to expect from online tutoring. But the young tutors and young students adapted quickly. And it helped with the isolation experienced by both families.
Lizzie’s mom reported that both tutors and students benefitted, “We got so much out of it," she said. "More than we ever expected.”
Tutors went above and beyond this summer including a family in Orlando who sent art supplies to a youth in Detroit. As they have built relationships, several students are continuing with the families after the initial summer tutoring program ended and the school year began.
One exemplary tutor is Lily, who is a 10th grader. She is continuing to work with an 11-year-old and is surprised how much she looks forward to it each week. Lily finds the resources herself to help with math and reading. And she adds arts and crafts projects which she tries to tie into the reading materials.
“I never knew anyone in foster care," Lily said. "I thought they all lived in group facilities, but my student lives with her extended family. Her grandmother is such a big supporter and she’s asked me to continue helping with homework now that school has started.”
Another exemplar is Camryn, who reported she has created a special bond with the student she tutors.
"Ever since I was really little, I knew I wanted to work with children and help those less fortunate then I am," Camryn said. "This opportunity with Spaulding helped me do both. It connected me with one of the sweetest kids I’ve ever met. We made up songs about math and spelling then had free time at the end of our session to catch up and chat with one another. It truly was an experience I’ll never forget."
The work of volunteers is much appreciated. It also is noteworthy, considering the circumstances.
"With the use of some virtual meeting sites, students have been able to make a difference in the lives of our youth," Ms. Wolf-Heuerman said. "And that has impacted both on positive levels."
StoryTime Moves to Sundays
To accommodate school schedules, you can join Miss Katie on Sunday, Sept. 27 at 7 p.m. for our live reading.
To show our thanks, and to help grow our audience for StoryTime, we have designed a contest where you can win a set of books featured in September.
To enter, just “Share” the post of Miss Katie reading. You can share it live at 7 p.m. Sundays or later that week. By sharing it to your Facebook page, you are entered in our drawing. Contest entries are accepted through Sept. 30.
Please keep us posted about news you'd like to share with our colleagues. We'd also like to know your thoughts about our newsletter. Email our Editor, Cheryl Gist: cgist@spaulding.org. Thank you!