- Don’t make promises you can’t (or don’t plan to) keep. You may have great intentions when you schedule lunch with a colleague two weeks out. Getting together sounds fun. But as the time draws near, other priorities loom. The default is to push it out, postpone, or cancel. Don’t. If you made a commitment, keep your commitment. Rearranging meetings will happen out of necessity but attempt to make them few and far between. You can occasionally be over aggressive about a deadline and your chance to meet it. Resist setting yourself up for having to trot out one of four horsemen to “save yourself” because you over-promised.
- Be prompt in communication. Email can be a huge time management nightmare. The best strategy is to reply promptly to acknowledge receipt of a communication even if you are not ready to answer. Let them know you have received the communication and your action plan to meet their request or respond to their questions. Set a plan, communicate the plan, and keep up to date on the promises you make.
- Resist over-sharing. If you have to change a meeting, put off a deadline, engage in a conflict communication, or other unpleasant task, resist the urge to explain all the reasons why its not REALLY your fault. People don’t need to know that your dog ran away, your wife is sick with the flu, or your kid is failing at math requiring your presence at the parent teacher conference. Express you remorse for disrupting a schedule or creating a challenge for another. Apologize. Offer an action plan to get on track.
- Be mindful of your off-hand remarks. It is easy to criticize, even when you don’t mean it. Seeing your wife entering an event and remarking to the group: “there she is, twenty minutes late” is not going to win her favor.
- Consider the feelings of others first. Take ownership that your behavior and actions may be creating challenge for others. Acknowledge that your behavior is disrupting the lives of others and requiring them to reframe their work.
BONUS – If you are subject to expressing your point of view with an eye-roll and click of your tongue, STOP IT! Relationships are sacred and we need all the goodwill we can get…to use it when times are tough.
Defensiveness, criticism, stonewalling, and contempt. These four horsemen are not your friend. In each communication, strive to employ the strategies listed above to overcome the lure of one of these horsemen that many of us often employ without even realizing. Your relationships, both at work and personal, will benefit from it.
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