Yoga, Mindfulness, Red & Green Mug Coffee Circle, Psychological First Aid, and Imposter Syndrome

IMPOSTER SYNDROME

This week, I was in three group discussions with law students, articling students and junior lawyers where Imposter Syndrome was raised. The only reason it wasn’t raised in the fourth group—Red Mug Coffee Circles—is that we have already talked about it on many occasions.

In one of our early Red Mug Coffee Circles, the question came up about how many years you had to be a lawyer before feelings of Imposter Syndrome stop. The most senior member of our panel, a retired judge, said he was still hoping to one day find out.

Two things struck me—first, Imposter Syndrome is always with those of us who are susceptible, and secondly that, somehow, we learn to live with it and occasionally make it work for us.

My heart goes out to the young folks in our profession. They are isolated from each other and from people who could give them some of the positive feedback that we can use to counter Imposter Syndrome. I am very impressed with law students, articling students and junior lawyer cohorts that I have the privilege to work with. They did not ask for, nor do they deserve, the lack of contact with peers and mentors.

We talk about Imposter Syndrome a lot in the legal profession. But what exactly is it?

If you are interested in understanding Imposter Syndrome’s theoretical basis, check out “The Imposter Phenomenon”.

However, the concept of “imposter syndrome” was posited originally as an explanation for difficulties experienced by well-educated women seeking to advance in academia, business or professions in the 1970s based on clinical observations which led to research.

While this early research correctly identified Imposter Syndrome as something that holds qualified people back, they were wrong about gender. A 2007 study found that 70% of individuals will experience at least one episode of Imposter Syndrome in our lives. Imposter Syndrome exists across gender, occupation and culture.

Research has developed a feedback loop called the Imposter Cycle that begins with the assignment of a task. We respond with anxiety, self-doubt and worry, which causes either over-preparedness or procrastination. We ultimately get a feeling of relief when we complete the task but then we discount any positive feedback we may receive which reinforces our perception that we are imposters, so that the next time we are assigned a task, we go through the loop again.

In law, we use the term “Imposter Syndrome” to describe the widely-held belief among law students and lawyers that they don’t really belong where they are, that they got into law school or into their current job by mistake and that they are not as capable of others. When we have an adverse outcome (and this is inevitable), we fear, or even assume, that we are going to get kicked out of law school or fired.

When I was an articling student, I was assigned to conduct what used to be called an Examination in Aid of Execution, where you cross-examined a party you had successfully sued about their ability to pay. I had grown up in Edmonton and worked at the university when I wasn’t in school, and one thing I didn’t know much about was the oil and gas industry. I remember asking the person I was cross-examining what type of work he did and he responded by saying he “did seismic”. I thought I was hearing the word “seismic” but “doing seismic” didn’t make any sense to me. I think I asked him to repeat what he was saying two or three times before asking him to spell that troublesome word that I was obviously hearing wrong and then I moved on because I still didn’t have a clue what he was talking about.

I felt like a complete idiot when someone explained to me later what “working seismic” meant and that this man had worked on a seismic crew. Can you imagine someone reading that transcript with the articling student who didn’t know what seismic work was? I was mortified and I thought I was the dumbest articling student ever, that my firm must be wondering why they hired me and that they were no doubt planning my termination. But they didn’t fire me, and in time I got over that embarrassing moment.

I wish I could say that this was the only time I experienced Imposter Syndrome but it struck many times during my career. Things would be going well and I would discover that I didn’t know something that everyone else seemed to know or I found a mistake in my work, and down the rabbit hole I would go.

Sometimes we even get comfortable with feeling like imposters—the longer we go without getting kicked out of law school or fired helps us counter these feelings. Some of us even develop a sense of swagger that even though we are complete imposters, we are somehow fooling everyone.

As someone with many years of battling Imposter Syndrome under my belt, I would like to share a few things I have learned.

First, Imposter Syndrome thrives when you are isolated—when I worked alone, I didn’t have anyone to discuss my fears with and, without someone to call it for what it was, it was too easy to give into it and limit what I thought I could do.

Imposter syndrome becomes self-limiting. Having supportive colleagues can help you banish it. And if you don’t have colleagues, join lawyer groups where you can develop supportive relationships with other lawyers who can help you gain perspective.

Secondly, getting constructive feedback can help you counter feelings of Imposter Syndrome. If you work within a law firm, consider regularly asking for feedback from individuals you trust. In a perfect world, I would be able to say that you should ask every lawyer you work with to provide open and honest feedback to you when you complete an assignment. However, choose wisely because there are some people—and you know who they are—who will sink their teeth into any flank that looks soft, so don’t ask these ones.

If you enjoy working with a lawyer and feel comfortable with them, ask them if they would be willing to take ten minutes to give you constructive feedback about your work on their file. Ask for ten minutes, and try to keep to that so you show that you value their time. Say that you want to know what you did well, not because you want pats on the back but because sometimes it is hard to know what you actually got right when you are a junior lawyer. And tell them that you need to know what you did poorly so that you can learn from it and improve.

When they deliver feedback, listen actively but do not engage in a back-and-forth. Make notes of what they say, capturing exact words when possible, so that you can consider it quietly by yourself. This is not the time to argue. If you start arguing, their willingness to give feedback will stop. So, listen and make notes. You can discuss why you disagree another time.

Formal performance evaluations can be helpful, but timely feedback while a project is fresh in everyone’s minds is better, and it allows you to address the concerns that were raised before your formal evaluation occurs.

Thirdly, learn to cross-examine your negative thoughts—you know the ones I mean: the ones where you have a negative experience and you go down the rabbit hole of how this experience proves that you are not smart enough to be in law school, articling or working as a lawyer and that you should be drummed out of law school, your firm or the legal profession.

Cross-examining your negative thoughts means contrasting the assumptions that took you down the rabbit hole-- that you are not good enough that you might as well quit before they fire you--with objective examples of your successes.

Lawyer-psychologist Paula Davis-Laack outlines this technique in an article called What Resilient Lawyers Do Differently: Essentially, you force yourself to look at the situations where you have done well or succeeded and to then use these as specific examples to rebut your negative thoughts.

All or nothing thinking is dangerous—if you lose one application or a negotiation doesn’t end well, it doesn’t mean that you are a complete failure. It means one thing went badly. Things are going to go badly sometimes in the course of a career. Dust yourself off and don’t let it define you.

Being kind to yourself also helps. Paula Davis-Laack suggests thinking about what we would say to a friend who is struggling with feeling inadequate and adopt that model of self-talk rather than the harsh self-criticism we sometimes fall back on.

Over time, you learn that even when you feel like an imposter, you can actually do a good job most of the time. You learn that you can suppress the imposter voice by preparing thoroughly, and you learn from talking to your colleagues that you respect that they have these feelings, too. In time, we learn that even though the voice may be present, we turn its volume down and focus on getting the job done.

And dealing with that imposter voice can lead to a strength. When I applied for the position of Executive Director at Assist, my second interview task was to prepare and deliver an address to the Board (represented by the interview team) about what I had accomplished during my first year leading the organization. It was a great exercise—I dove into gathering as much information about Assist as I could and identified the things that I thought would be priorities.

When I delivered my presentation to the interview team, I felt like a compete imposter because I was. I hadn’t been hired, I hadn’t run the organization for a year, and I was in an interview, not a board meeting. But I had felt like an imposter before and I leaned into it. It must have worked because I have been in the role for two and a half years.

Articling students and junior lawyers: do not give into these feelings of imposterism. You didn’t get into law school or get hired by mistake. You are where you are because you earned your spot and you can succeed.

To everyone else: we need to acknowledge that students and junior lawyers are at a significant disadvantage during the lockdowns. They are not getting the benefit of learning by osmosis through hearing casual conversations in the coffee room or hallways. They need you to know that they need well-delivered feedback and teaching in a more conscious way. Talk to me if you need tips about delivering feedback—I am happy to help.

To our law students: you are a precious resource, and you are the future of our profession. Do not give up even though online law school isn’t what you had hoped for. Join us for coffee circles and meet practicing lawyers who can help you see past law school.

In closing, I want to share a story. It might be an urban myth but it was told using the name of a lawyer I knew. When I articled, law firms were full-service, and civil litigators often did some less-serious criminal files. One day, an articling student who wanted to be a corporate lawyer was sent to Provincial Court to enter a plea on behalf of a client. When the client’s name was called, the articling student accompanied his client, who seemed to know the lay of the land better than him.

The judge looked at the two of them and asked “who is Mr. X?” and the client said that he was Mr. X. The Judge then looked at the articling student and asked who he was. The articling student said “My name is Y, Student at Law” to which the Judge responded “Well, Mr. Student at Law, if you are representing Mr. X, what are you doing in the prisoner’s box?”

Oops. The student followed the client who seemed to know where to go, right into the box. But this didn’t define the lawyer’s career. In fact, the lawyer that this story was told about retired after a successful and lengthy career. One mistake does not define you. You will overcome. And Assist is here to help you when it is hard to believe this—just call.

Loraine