The "Great" British Biscuit Taste Off 2020, Part III
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You didn’t think I would forget, did you? For this year-end newsletter, I present to you the final round of THE GREAT BRITISH BISCUIT TASTE OFF 2020. Throughout this year, my friend and flatmate Shawna joined me in putting biscuits commonly consumed by the British public to the test, covering everyday classics like digestives and custard creams to continental gems like choco leibniz. We learned some lessons along the way, such as quality, taste, and texture vastly differ between price points even with the same brands, and that some biscuits continue to thrive most probably due to people’s childhood nostalgia and not necessarily because they taste good (Party Rings).
Shortly after our first taste test, we conducted further research, identifying which biscuits appeared the most on listicles and then dividing them into two more rounds. We did the second one back in the Summer, and now it’s time to end with our final roster of biscuits:
- Orange Chocolate Fingers
- Caramel Chocolate Digestives
- Jaffa Cakes
- Lotus Biscoff
- Viennese Sandwich
There have been some changes to the list from when I announced it last, because Tesco ran out of regular chocolate fingers, and we also made shortbread for Christmas so we decided to eliminate Walker’s shortbread cookies from the competition.
For the last time, here is a review of our very scientific method:
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Each biscuit was tested twice–once on its own, and once dunked in a cup of Yorkshire tea with milk. If a biscuit tasted good on its own it rose in the ranks, and if we felt that tea was required for improvement, it was docked marks. Each biscuit was scored twice out of 10 (with/without tea) for a cumulative sub-score of 20, which was then combined in a master list with each biscuit scored out of 40.
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As per usual, before we started we wrote down our respective speculative rankings:
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Side Note: the visuals of this final round will be extremely inconsistent from the past issues because I updated my computer and Adobe Suite doesn’t work anymore. RIP my Adobe.
Let’s begin.
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Sold as singular entities (ie. not in a variety tin) beginning in 1951, Cadbury chocolate fingers are thin biscuit sticks coated in chocolate. As I mentioned earlier, Tesco had sold out of the regular kind of chocolate finger, assumedly because it was Christmas time, and all that was left were white chocolate and orange milk chocolate, so we went with the latter to be as close to the original as possible.
Upon first bite, I noted how chalky, dry, and bland the biscuit was; all of its flavour was coming from the super fragrant chocolate coating, which was pretty heavy on the orange. I’m not the biggest fan of chocolate and orange together, so I wasn’t big on the aroma or taste.
When dunking it into the tea, we both took issue with the fact that the outer coating would melt quite a bit, but because the biscuit was totally encased it didn’t have the opportunity to be touched by the tea, thus retaining its dry chalkiness. We had to do a second dunk in order to try and get the full experience, but honestly there wasn’t much of a difference.
Natalie’s score: 6/20
Shawna’s score: 13.5/20
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Caramel Chocolate Digestives
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In our first round of the taste test, we established that the dark chocolate digestive biscuit was a near perfect product. That being said, when we compiled our list of cookies to further test, I suggested we add McVitie’s caramel chocolate digestives to the mix, because I thought they would be an irresistible wildcard.
McVitie’s developed this delectable variety of digestive in 1999; smaller in size, the base is still the classic digestive biscuit, which is then covered on one side with a thin layer of chewy caramel, and covered with a final layer of milk chocolate. Biting into these is a treat–the oaty biscuit provides a not-too-sweet anchor for the sweet toppings, and together they create a perfect balance with the added textural bonus of your teeth sinking into satisfyingly squishy caramel.
With tea, Shawna pointed out that since the caramel was unaffected by the hot drink, it helped the biscuit retain its overall structure while the chocolate melted and the biscuit went slightly soft but maintained most of its snap. The combination produced the perfect contrast of gooey and crunchy.
Natalie’s score: 16.5/20
Shawna’s score: 15/20
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Another McVitie’s icon, Jaffa Cakes were first produced in 1927 and are the subject of much controversy. Its circular spongy base, topped with a disc of orange jelly and milk chocolate, has had people questioning its status as a cake or a biscuit for decades until 1991 when the debate was taken to a court of law between the British government and McVitie’s.
Predictably, this lengthy and official process was undertaken only because Jaffa Cakes were originally categorized as cakes, and therefore McVitie’s weren’t paying Value Added Tax (VAT) on them – chocolate covered biscuits and anything considered confectioneries were subject to VAT, whereas cakes (iced or otherwise) were not. British Customs and Excise later reviewed the product and suggested they were actually biscuits, which was then appealed by McVitie’s. In the end, the tribunal decided that Jaffa Cakes were in fact CAKES. You can read their convoluted reasoning on the official government website.
I haven’t eaten a Jaffa Cake since 2011, so when I opened the package to deposit them onto our places I forgot how a) small and b) wrinkly they are. They tasted the same as 10 years ago though – the airy sponge bottom was void of any prominent flavour, and the jelly coin was firm and silky underneath a layer of standard milk chocolate. Not bad, but not outstanding in any way UNTIL we dunked it in tea.
Shawna dipped hers in tea first and immediately let out a tone of displeasure. I followed suit and...WOW. The sponge became instantly soggy and saggy, saturated to the brink with the tea and as it landed on my tongue, it felt like another tongue. It was shockingly revolting, but I had to follow through, for science. I popped the entire Jaffa Cake into my mouth, and the wet bit proceeded to explode in the back of my mouth between my molars. We both gave it a zero rating in the “with tea” category, which is why the scores suffered greatly.
Natalie’s score: 5/20
Shawna’s score: 7/20
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First developed in Belgium in 1932, Lotus Biscoff is a brand of speculoos cookie – a small, crispy cookie, heavily spiced with a combination of cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, cloves, and allspice. They pair very well with coffee in particular, and are often served alongside hot drinks in many European countries.
We both love these, so we knew they would score very high, but after eating that disgusting wet Jaffa Cake, the Biscoff biscuit provided a heightened burst of flavour and texture that quickly erased my bad memories from 5 minutes prior. It was so good that after eating the first biscuit (“without tea”) I wished I could score OVER 10 points.
The biscuits soaked up a lot of the tea, but it didn’t become unpleasant; its sugar crystal texture fell apart delicately and remained crunchy, while the warmth of the tea enhanced the already delicious spices. Sheer perfection.
Natalie’s score: 20/20
Shawna’s score: 20/20
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I had never heard of these until we did our research for this taste test and learned that apparently everyone eats them. A sandwich biscuit developed in Britain, assumedly inspired by Viennese shortbread, a Viennese Sandwich consists of a thin layer of chocolate between two tender, crumbly sugar cookies.
We found the biscuits to be a bit dry and chalky, an issue that was improved by dunking them in the tea, which softened the biscuit just enough and melted the chocolate inside. While not overly sweet, we thought these would’ve been better with dark chocolate in the centre instead of milk chocolate. Overall, not bad.
Natalie’s score: 12.5/20
Shawna’s score: 13/20
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After taste testing 20 types of biscuits (and 40 biscuits in total) I feel like I have an idea of what a biscuit should be – not too sweet; coated in dark rather than milk chocolate; deep in oaty, malty, or spice flavours; snappy but not too dry; and robust enough that it retains some of its structure when dipped in tea but still crumbles softly, just at the right moment. After doing a complete sorting of all our final scores, I believe our top 5 biscuits reflect this criteria:
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1. Lotus Biscoff (40/40)
2. Dark Chocolate Digestives (38/40)
3. Choco Leibniz (34.8/40)
4. Ginger Nut (34/40)
5. Hobnobs (32.5/40)
6. Caramel Chocolate Digestives (31.5/40)
7. Plain Digestives (28.5/40)
8. Viennese Sandwich (25.5/40)
9. Nice (25/40)
10. Custard Cream (22/40)
11. Malted Milk (22/40)
12. Jammie Dodgers (19.5/40)
13. Orange Chocolate Fingers (19.5/40)
14. Bourbon (19/40)
15. Chocolatey Rounds (19/40)
16. Fruit Shortcake (17/40)
17. Rich Tea (13/40)
18. Jaffa Cakes (12/40)
19. Garibaldi (5/40)
20. Party Rings (4.8/40)
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What a year, what a journey. I have nothing more to say.
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