Truth talk: the world of work was not made for working parents
January 10, 2021
Raise your hand if you've ever felt angry, irritated, or rage-filled at the way working women are treating when it comes to motherhood and careers. Being a working parent is a tremendous challenge, often leaving women exhausted, frustrated, spent, and isolated. Work and motherhood are often pitted against each other, and the higher we go in the ranks of our careers, the more isolated we can feel.
When I say “motherhood and entrepreneurship” what comes to mind? After 175 podcast interviews, four years of The Wise Women's Council, and hundreds of private conversations, here's what people tell me:
1. IT’S OVERWHELMING
Parenting and running a business at the same time? It’s so freaking hard! There are things that make you want to throw shit against the wall. Yell your head off. Beg for other people to understand. It's also lonely and isolating.
What people don’t tell you about running a business—or even any high-powered leadership track—is that it’s really freaking lonely. You wonder, will it be like this forever? It’s such a pickle: you want to connect more with other women, but you feel like you don’t have enough time. Who can "network" when there's so much work and so little time? You might feel like you're grinding your wheels. If so, you're not alone.
2: HUSTLE CULTURE MAKES YOU WANT TO BARF
It seems like "do more" is the only answer people have, and yet there's no way you can do more. Help! Do you need better systems? Is there a secret? How on earth can you hustle any more? You literally work from the crack of dawn until the wee hours of the evening, and you are the definition of hustle.
If someone else tells you to "hustle" again you'll blow a fuse—you can't hustle any harder, you literally work 16-18 hours a day, 7 days a week. You're a parent.
But there's got to be more than this. You know there’s more inside of you, but you need to catch your breath.
3: MOST PARENTING BLOGS ARE IRRITATING (IF YOU EVEN HAVE TIME TO READ THEM)
Forget "optimizing your parenting"—you just want time to get to work! You'll do a good enough job as a parent, right? No more perfect mother or guilt-tripping please, no one is perfect. Also, so much parenting advice is built on nuclear families, or stay-at-home parents, not the world of dual-career couples or single parents that is the modern majority of today's world.
But... searching for entrepreneurial mom friends in your local yoga studio is just not quite working. So you go to the business blogs to try to find some sage advice, but you find that world is also just as patronizing and doesn't seem to give a hoot about children or parenting!
4: BUSINESS ADVICE THAT DOESN'T TAKE PARENTING INTO ACCOUNT IS MOSTLY USELESS
Building a business, being a working parent, and navigating this new world of work as a woman is hard. One of the hardest parts is how lonely it can feel. Who do you turn to when you need advice? What women have gone through it before? How will you navigate the next few moves in your life and career?
So much business advice is offered by powerful, white, un-encumbered men (also known as "Ideal Workers") who can work 50+ hours per week, who have wives or assistants or fewer responsibilities in their communal and caretaking lives. This advice, these stacks of business books, they DO NOT WORK for working women with caretaking responsibilities and pregnant bellies and breastfeeding and bottle feeding and single motherhood.
It doesn't really work for equal co-parents, either. When you add caretaking into the mix and stop relying on an economic safety net of stay-at-home-parents (usually mothers), the world of work and the way we look at economic contributions needs to change.
And so I hear from parents with young kids over and over again, completely overwhelmed, tapping into their anger and rage for the first time, wondering if they're crazy for feeling this way. Women are saying a very similar thing, and that is...
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5: WHY DOESN’T ANYONE SAY ANYTHING?
So many people tell me that they wish they knew more of this before they became a parent. It feels like people either minimize it by saying "it's all worth it" or they try to terrify you and create a panic response. Neither of these things HELP. Why doesn't anyone tell the truth? For too long, women have fought just to make it in this world of work, and to try to succeed within the constraints that are offered. We stay quiet, we work harder, we put our heads down, and we try to make the lonely climb to the top thinking that the only path we can take is the one that's barely been carved before us.
But that's not working. It hasn't worked, and it won't work. The pandemic shows us just how much the world of work will disregard parents, caretakers, mothers, and children when the job markets get squeezed, and we can't keep trying to do the same things the same way it's always been done.
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Here's the truth: the work world is not designed for working parents.
The world of work as we know it today is not really designed for women, and it's actively biased against parents, especially moms. Most women who go through pregnancy and become parents later realize how real anti-mom bias is, and how much our culture is designed against women's success as work. A whole lot of our culture doesn't want women to succeed as entrepreneurs or business leaders. There it is.
So where do you go from here? There's a ton of work to be done, a culture to change, a fight to have at work. What's next? How can you add more to your plate in this world that's actively fighting against you?
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“Being resilient doesn’t mean you do things on your own. It means you leverage the community and the power of the people around you. Make sure you have a great crew. They matter, you matter.” — Jess Sims
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It's time to stop going it alone.
At Startup Parent, we believe that culture change happens when we gather together and tell new stories. Each time we connect with another person and talk honestly about our truths and our struggles, we're becoming part of the change we want to see. The more we can tell honest stories about motherhood and stop pretending that we need to individually "lean in" harder in order to make it work, the more we'll step forward to support each other and support change.
THIS IS BIG WORK WE'RE TRYING TO DO—HERE'S HOW WE'RE GOING TO DO IT
We'll make change in the world of work with every step we take to tell the truth, come together, and ease up on the expectations we have to conform to the old ways of doing things. This looks like:
- Telling stories about the truth of our lives.
- Listening deeply to each other and creating space for people to feel safe, seen, supported, and heard.
- Changing the narrative of a single picture of motherhood to a spectrum of hundreds of stories and versions of what this can and could and does look like.
- Coming together in community instead of staying apart.
- Trying new things—sharing our resources and our ideas and making life easier, bit by bit, by tapping into our collective creativity and wisdom.
- Restoring our energy (even by a smidgeon) by doing less and releasing expectations.
- Putting our collective energy towards systemic and cultural change.
That's our roadmap here at Startup Parent, and beyond. You're welcome to join us in our free Facebook Group or our brand-new LinkedIn Group if you want a place to connect and chat (full disclosure: we've only posted a handful of times in the LinkedIn Group, so it is barely just getting started—please do come say hi and introduce yourself if you're willing to step up and be a part of forming the group).
If you're looking for more mentorship, community, and leadership, and you want to step it up in your own leadership and growth journey, apply to join us in this year's Wise Women's Council.
A COMMUNITY OF SUPPORT FOR WORKING PARENTS
At Startup Parent, we believe that parenting shouldn’t be at odds with work—and the insights from your parenting journey propels you as a leader that this world needs. That's why we’ve put together a leadership incubator specifically for working women who are parents AND business leaders. We focus on helping women grow their leadership capacity.
The Wise Women's Council is an advisory board and leadership circle to support women as they navigate the huge moves ahead of them in their lives. Inside, you'll find women who will get you, who are similar but not exactly like you, who are figuring out this new world of work and parenting alongside you.
We support you with business breakout sessions, small-group guided conversations, small-expert coaching, and, of course, our stand-out community of badass women (like you) navigating the chaos and mess and yet still actively leaning into their work and their growth.
If you're looking for a community of wise women leveling up and playing big in 2021, even as the shit storm continues to swirl around, apply to join us in next year's council. Early bird applications are now open. Apply by January 22nd for all of the sweet, sweet bonuses that early birds will get as part of the perk of applying early.
— Sarah Peck
CEO & Founder
Startup Parent
PS: If you've found the community and support you need, I'd love to hear your story—how did you do it? What's been the most important thing that's helped you in your growth and leadership journey? How have you found or created support in your parenting and business journey? Alternatively, if you've taken a step back or been thrown off course and you're feeling stuck and challenged write now, tell me what's up and what happened. I read stories every day from people like you, and I'd love to hear where you're at right now. Just hit reply.
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The Wise Women's Council
APPLY TO JOIN THE CLASS OF 2021
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The Wise Women's Council — If you want to join our year-long group to discuss what it really looks like to be a working parent, and to dream of new ways of showing up to lead, and be around other people who know how freaking hard this all is—then come apply to join us in the Wise Women's Council.
The Wise Women's Council is a leadership incubator and group coaching program to develop your leadership capacity in business, life, and career. Join brilliant and brave women together for the support, resources, and connection you need to not just get through another year, but take action and grow into the next version of yourself. If you would like to apply, submit an application to join us by January 22 by the early bird deadline.
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