I pride myself on being the first to critique myself. If you have an issue, concern, or problem with my political views and behaviors, chances are my brain has beaten you to it. I blame this more on self-deprecation than anything else. But it’s helpful, nonetheless.
Other times, not so much.
Helpful self-critique can easily turn into inaction if left to stew mentally for too long. Too often, it’s just not that helpful to overthink shit. But what qualifies as over-thinking as opposed to necessary self-critique and introspection? I refuse to live my life as the vast majority of people do. This entails detaching from mindsets, lifestyles, and perceptions that reinforce systems of racial, class, and gender repression and oppression that I stand against. Yet, these systems of values are the dominating structures in our lives; encompassing most actions I could take in my daily life. It’s important to acknowledge that you can never fully detach from a system like this on your own. Hermitage is neither attractive to me, nor politically viable. Communally, we can make serious headways against the leviathan. But first, you have to find people willing to form those dissenting communities.
Even if you find them and form a ragtag group of dissenters, you’ll still fall victim to individual acts of self-sabotage and disillusion. Am I doing enough to alter my preconceptions and act outside the boundaries imposed on me? Am I deluding myself to my path in life? Are my attempts at being anti-racist, anti-hierarchal, and anti-patriarchal, merely half-assed? And if they are, what can I do to remedy that situation?
Then you have to make room for joy and play. As I’ve said before, I’m not in this for a sick sense of self-immolation. I’m not a masochist. Finding real joy - as separate from the faux-satisfaction capitalism sells us - is paramount to radical alterations of the self. I’m not happy (as are others) with the miniscule offerings of capitalism, nor was I happy with chasing after the hollow trappings of the hierarchy. (It’s funny to think that self-sabotage probably helped me realize this. That I was “bad at it” pushed me to look for a reality that didn’t suck my soul isn’t an acknowledgement that only the losers fight for a different world, but that our paths to questioning our realities vary. Plenty of “successful” people have ended up turning their backs on the pseudo-riches of capitalism, too.)
When self-critique turns into self-sabotage, I have to remind myself that the perfectionism thrust upon me isn’t a characteristic of who I am. Ironically enough, the religion that pushes forgiveness and redemption really sucks at hitting those points home, opting instead for shame-based systems of enforcement (thanks evangelicalism) that only make it harder to change and adapt.
Acknowledging that we don’t know everything, and often rarely see the myriad of influences and forces shaping our actions and thoughts, is next up. Acting on this acknowledgement is necessary, though. To act defiantly is a requirement to actually dissent. We can read and mentally pick ourselves apart, but without an act following it, it ends up in the clouds. Just floating around. A nice thought. A fun conversation at parties.
But then, our actions aren’t guaranteed to be super obvious. What I mean by that is, it won’t be as obvious as charging a police line during a protest. It can be how you treat homeless people, how you engage with customer service representatives, and how you treat your family and friends. Calling out problematic behavior within your social circles, keeping yourself accountable, altering your priorities and goals, and so on. Action involves various levels of intensity. Too often we sabotage ourselves by expecting every action to be an apex level of intensity when that’s just not realistic.
Capitalism categorizes and simplifies humans to a detrimental level, as a form of control and suppression. As we counter that force in our lives and communities, we must avoid using capitalism’s tools.
Many times, the easiest fix for self-sabotage is a community of like-minded individuals hell-bent on personal and communal change. It not only keeps you grounded in action, but introducing other people’s thoughts and feelings gives yours perspective. In this respect, Sartre was wrong about hell being other people. Hell is often the endless chasm of our minds, cut loose from stimulating port of human cooperation.
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A Curated Read-Fest
First off, if you haven't read up on the Philadelphia Housing Action's success over the summer and fall of 2020 of reclaiming over 75 houses from the city's control, you should definitely! A timeline of how activists and community members used a variety of tactics to pressure the city to open up empty houses for the homeless and others.
This piece on the play Waiting for Lefty and labor history is an informative read on the authoritarian dynamics within union hierarchies. A great reminder of the destructive nature of labor bureaucracy.
Lastly, a critical look at "the mourning-porn fallacies of President-elect Joe Biden." A necessary discussion on how grief can be weaponized for political clout, but stripped of any action.
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