In this article in Psychology Today, David Ludden reports the results of five studies published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. It turns out that people underestimate the impact of a small compliment – saying something as simple as “I love your scarf” – and overestimate the psychic effort involved in giving it. The researchers had people take a few seconds to pay an out-of-the-blue compliment to a same-gender stranger. Some details:
- Just before giving the compliment, participants were anxious that the recipient would feel awkward and annoyed.
- Those predictions significantly underestimated how flattered, happy, and pleased most recipients felt.
- After the compliment, the mood of those who gave it improved significantly.
- But blinded by their own discomfort, they didn’t see the impact on the other person.
- Third-party observers could see the positive impact of the compliment.
“The biggest challenge is getting out of our own head,” says Erica Boothby, one of the researchers (University of Pennsylvania). “We tend to be overly focused on our own ability to give a compliment effectively, or worried about what the other person will think of us.” Better to think about how we would feel receiving a positive comment, and realize that most other people will have the same reaction. “A few kind words can go a long way,” she says. “The Power of a Kind Word” by David Ludden in Psychology Today, April 2021 (Vol. 54, #2, p. 17)
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