A person undergoing cancer treatment is referred to as a “patient”. Understandably, most of the attention surrounding diagnosis and treatment is directed at the patient. But quite often, there is a caregiver quietly walking along side that patient, helping with required medical needs and tending to the comfort and morale of the patient. Sometimes, they are referred to as the “hidden patients” because of the unrecognized toll that the physical and emotional stress of caring for a loved one has on them.
I recently had the opportunity to talk with Josita Montgomery, a CanCare volunteer who was the caregiver for her husband, Felix, who passed away from Acute Leukemia. About a year and a half ago, Josita went through CanCare training so that she could be matched with others who were hoping to talk with someone experienced in caring for a loved one diagnosed with cancer.
Josita is no stranger to dealing with some of life’s unexpected events. Her daughter, Katie, was born with Down’s Syndrome in 1974. Facing an uncertain road ahead, she remembers thinking she needed to talk with someone who understood what she would be facing. She also remembers saying at that time “I don’t want to talk to Miss America’s mother. I want to talk to a mother of a child with Down’s Syndrome.” With advice and input from others who understood what she would be facing, she was able to see that Katie lived a full life. Katie touched and blessed many others before her death in 2008 at the age of 33.
Josita and Felix moved to Edisto island in 1996 and began attending a weekly service at St. Andrews Church in the Old Village. Wanting to be closer to the church, they relocated to McClellanville where Felix continued spending time on one of his great loves, raising Brittany Spaniels. In 2010, Josita and Felix were at the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville where Felix was to undergo a hip replacement. Part of the testing during that time revealed that Felix had myelodysplastic syndrome (MDS), a blood disorder that often progresses into leukemia. Felix returned home and began rounds of chemotherapy. Felix told Josita that she did not have to go to treatments with him, but when she told him she wanted to be there, he thanked her. She was him with through every treatment except one and she recalls those treatments as special time together. She remembers that she was anxious at the prospect of the unknown and the responsibility of always remaining positive for Felix’s sake. But, she says, Felix made everything easier for her because of his great attitude. He never complained and he was determined to continue doing what he had always done as long as possible. He also was a devout Christian and that faith sustained him through the hard times. Felix lived almost 4 years after his diagnosis. The last six months, he was receiving constant transfusions. When doctors told him that the only thing keeping him alive at that point was the transfusions, he made the decision to discontinue them and go home. He passed away in 2014.
Josita feels that, throughout her life, she has had the privilege of helping many people who have sought her out when they were in trouble or despair. Working through Cancare, she has been matched with caregivers as far away as Oregon, California and Indiana. She is currently working with three caregivers whose loved ones have Stage IV cancer.
When talking about being able to help others, Josita describes a feeling of joy in being able to walk alongside others who really need her support and she makes reference to a scripture that she thinks speaks perfectly to her:
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.” (Corinthians 1:3-5)
Written by Jean Anglin
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