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The Antidote to Shame
April 15, 2021
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First, From the Heart
Let’s face it. We often think that shaming people will motivate them to do better. Perhaps that was how we were conditioned as children by our families or at school. There is no shortage of leaders who believe in this familiar approach to getting what they want out of their teams.
However, teams are comprised of human beings. As humans, we all have weaknesses. We all make mistakes even when we try our best. Not one of us is perfect, even if it looks like we are from the outside. On the inside, we are likely our own harshest critic. So as humans and as leaders, let’s grow through the practice of compassion. It is the superpower to put both our inner and outer shaming to rest.
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Best of the Blog
Blaming and Shaming
Every organization, every team, everyone faces failure at different times. How we respond can make all the difference in how quickly we bounce back and learn to innovate in the future. In many organizations or teams, the typical response to negative events is shame and blame. To create resilient, learning cultures, leaders need instead to respond with compassionate actions. Read more.
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Recommended Reads
Don’t Let Shame Become a
Self-Destructive Spiral
by Manfred F. R. Kets de Vries
in Harvard Business Review, 6/1/17
Shame is a powerfully destructive feeling that eats away at our sense of self. Self-compassion holds the key to avoiding or escaping the negative cascade of feelings and behaviors that can follow making a mistake. Read more.
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Practice Matters
The Shame Game
Most of us can recall a time in childhood when someone told us “you are bad”– at home, at school, or both. Our tender hearts didn’t know how to respond other than to assume the grown-up in the room knew best, so we must be bad. As a young child, we took on the label, and became one with that identity of being a bad person.
That voice of the adult shaming us soon became the tape of our own inner critic. How often do we think we are not good enough, not worthy, or not lovable? If we do a great job of beating ourselves up, and then hide, withdraw, or just give up trying, we save ourselves from facing the painful criticism of others.
Only our inner wisdom can quiet down the inner critic. Cultivate the deep whispers of wisdom with trust and courage. Each new moment allows us to strengthen our sense of self. We recognize we are simply human and show ourselves compassion. We are both imperfect and worthy. We are love.
When can we practice? Always!
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Event Recap
Do We Need a Compassion Revolution in Global Health?
Watch event recording online
Do you want to be part of the compassion revolution? In this webinar sponsored by Notre Dame's Eck Institute of Global Health. Facilitators Lacey Ahern and Bruce Compton, and panelists Sedem Adiabu, David Addiss, and Shams Syed show you the way to bring more compassion into the work of global health. Watch online now.
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Research Worth Sharing
Overcoming the fear factor: How perceptions of supervisor openness lead employees to speak up when fearing external threat
by R. David Lebel
in Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, Volume 135, July 2016, Pages 10-21
Your team members are your eyes and ears on what is going on in the outside world. Are you getting the best information from them? The openness leaders convey, and the nature of how they relate to fear impacts their team members' willingness to speak up, sometimes in surprising ways. Read the research.
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