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PARENT UPDATE ON
LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL --
STRATEGIES AND RESOURCES FOR THE TRANSITION AHEAD
On April 6, 2021, Minding Your Mind clinical director Jon Mattleman offered a special parent/caregiver presentation on how we can manage anxiety, optimize resilience, and keep our families in balance as COVID-19 restrictions relax, kids go back to school, and we resume some level of normalcy.
OVERVIEW
Mattleman acknowleged that the pandemic has made life challenging for EVERYONE, creating emotional overload as we deal with loss, anger, grief, frustration, and a lot of transitions. Like an over-active smoke detector, the anxiety of the moment can hi-jack the brain and make it tricky to focus and process well, and this can lead to self-destructive behavior and real emotional and physical symptoms. So we need to shift expectations. It’s OK not to be OK. But there is light at the end of the tunnel, and though COVID is still part of our world – we’re all in it together. Talking and listening are the most powerful tools we have, and there are many other ways to help our families stay in balance.
MATTLEMAN’S KEY STRATEGIES
As kids transition back to school, some helpful phrases –
- Tell me more…
- I’m listening
- Let’s breathe together
- On a scale of 1 to 10, how bad are you feeling?
- Name three things that could help?
- How can I help?
- I’m sorry
- I care about you
Tips for Supporting Someone with Anxiety
- Anxiety is different for each person
- Focus on positive and validating statements
- Avoid avoidance – talking about problems don’t trigger them
- Create realistic expectations
- It’s all about management, tolerance
- Don’t pass along your own anxiety, and model healthy responses to anxiety
- Limit social media, which can feed anxiety
- Know when and how to use distractions – during an anxiety/panic attack, distraction (like holding ice cubes!) can help calm and refocus
- Debrief later – ask what “self-talk” accompanied the crisis and what might have helped
- Know when to seek professional assistance – depth of an issue over a period of time
How to Help Adolescents Pivot
- Focus on what you can control, what is going well
- Ask, don’t assume – acknowledge and validate
- Avoid shallow statements, such as “everything will be OK”
- Talk to other parents about what they’re experiencing
- Guilt and self-anger aren’t productive – model calm. give yourself a “time out” if needed
- Reinforce their ability to cope, point out what they’d doing well
- Address changes in sleep, regression, withdrawal – re-establish routines
- Practice and discuss safe distancing habits
- Preview what the next day will be like, leave extra time in the mornings
- If struggling, reach out to guidance and/or consider a “mental health day off”
- Lighten up on academic expectations – transitions are exhausting for everyone
When, Where, What. & How to Talk to Your Kids –
- Best thing to do is listen
- Worry time – short time, maybe late afternoon, for talking about worries
- In the dark
- Over a movie/book
- Talk about their friends
- Share your thoughts
- Be honest
- Be creative – art, music, etc.
- Check in, have ongoing conversations
Prioritize Self-Care
- This is not selfish, but makes you a better parent
- Examine your priorities and needs - what actually makes you feel rejuvenated? (Exercise, being in nature, being creative, meditating, etc.)
- Implement boundaries - time, space, money, energy
- Make “peace” with the discomfort of saying “No”
- Aim for less tech, unless it’s fun
- Ask for support and/or delegate
- Listen to/trust your internal voice
- Limit time with people/places/things that are draining
- Indulge in “emergency joys,” like ice cream
- Give up perfection
- Embrace mindfulness (breathing exercises, etc.) and share ideas with kids
RESOURCES - getting mental health help is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength
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