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Session 2 Notes

Today’s invitation was to ask a better question. I invited us to consider:

What if instead of deciding if we are worthy- we decide to ask what’s worthy of our time, our energy, our money, our focus?

Said another way: What do a value and how can I focus my attention on those things?

I thought you all were really brave sharing our discussion questions from today in pairs. Here are the questions again, and I really encourage you to talk to people in your life about these questions:

From Susan David, PhD (author of Emotional Agility):

1. Deep down, what matters to me?

2. What relationships do I want to build?

3. How do I feel most of the time? What kinds of situations make me feel most vital?

4. If a miracle occurred and all the anxiety and stress in my life were suddenly gone, what would my life look like, and what new things would I pursue?

Thoughtful experiments you might try out between meetings include:

1. Ask a better question- instead of “Am I a good enough partner?” a reframe would be “Am I acting according to my values? What can I do that better aligns with what I believe in this relationship?” That might be to be present more without distractions, or listen or to be more generous.

2. Notice how asking a better question can take us out of a shame response. Always evaluating our worth leads to shame, which creates behaviors that lead to detachment- being defensive, withdrawn, in our heads...instead of actually taking action to course-correct, to be our values in action.

3. Notice shame. Shame is when we feel not enough, that we are bad. Be willing to acknowledge it to ourselves so we can work with it. Are you able to share these feelings when you notice them with someone you love or trust?

Have a great night and I’ll see you all again on April 28th at noon.