Hello? Is anyone there??!
It’s been 2 months since Trump left office which means it’s been 2 months since I’ve paid attention to a single thing happening in the world. Apparently congress is still in session and coronavirus is still killing people, but after the election I turned my push notifications off and my suction vibrator on. This, I believe, is *self-care.*
SIDE NOTE: I have a tendency to think that just because something isn’t happening directly to me, it isn’t happening at all. This is a medical condition known popularly as narcissismo, which is also a Nespresso pod flavor that would definitely give me diarrhea. For example, one time I decided that I looked bad in boyfriend jeans and stopped wearing them entirely. Two days later I turned to my friend and said: “isn’t it weird how no one wears boyfriend jeans anymore?” to which she said — “huh?” She was wearing boyfriend jeans and so was every other girl in Brooklyn.
Anyways, as a biological extrovert (technically an ~introverted extrovert~, but we all know that’s a brag) the sound of silence fills me with inexplicable dread. My head is a dark place filled with smashing pots and pans and sexual fantasies of all the boys who wronged me in the past—ones which end with them begging for me back and me, somehow still apologizing. 😌
However, silence has become more and more prevalent in my life recently, in part because I’ve taken on an Oath of Healing, which I promise you, is more pretentious than it sounds.
To be 90% honest and 10% fishing for sympathy, the past few months have been difficult and even? Eye-opening. Mostly because of a bad breakup but also because someone pointed out to me that “drinking 4 shots of espresso before 8am” is—and I quote—“bad for you, Stef.”
And since decreasing my caffeine intake is simply out of the question (@Nespresso sponsor me), I’ve spent the last few months turning inward, which is almost as humiliating to say out loud as “Of course I sent nudes to my ex after he broke up with me,” to my therapist last week.
Speaking of my therapist, when she suggested that my break up was a "rare and golden opportunity to grow," I thought she was referring to all the tiny gold jewelry I’d recently purchased on Etsy in an attempt to deflect any and all light and potential heartbreak away from me until the end of time. But actually, she was referring to using my trauma as a means of jumpstarting my path to spirituality and life-long healing.
Cue *a lot of you have been asking me about my spirituality routine* vibes!
Basically, over the last few months I’ve rerouted my attention away from things like drinking, watching crime docs about beautiful women getting murdered in cold blood, and sending nudes...to meditation, manifestation and sending nudes while listening to Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations.
It's different. 🥺
I’ve also read about 15 self-help books which have randomly and against all odds...helped me. I love getting absolutely bookended by Eckhart Tolle and Deepak Chopra morning and night—which I’ve already checked, isn’t a section on Pornhub. :/
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