Dear reader,

Each day of Holy Week, I make the call. I know the drill — one ring, then straight to the automated answering service: press 1 for English, press 2 for no symptoms; please hold to be connected to the next available representative, then: “Sorry there are no appointments.” I tell a friend from out of state that getting the COVID-19 vaccine in Chicago is like winning the lottery. 

Easter Monday in all its faded glory arrives and I make my usual call but receive a most unusual answer: “Can you come for your shot tomorrow?” The surprise shocks me out of my seat. My hands shake as I scribble the appointment in my planner and whisper, “Jackpot!”

When I land in the folding chair beside the nurse who will administer my first Pfizer-BioNTech shot, "I Gotta Feeling" plays in the background, giving the room a party vibe. Around the clinic a dozen masked nurses and patients are smiling with their eyes, or “smizing.” The lyrics Tonight's gonna be a good, good night drift through the air as my nurse cleans my upper arm. “Is it weird that I feel emotional right now?” I ask, blinking back tears.

“Not at all,” she answers, smizing. I want to thank her, thank every healthcare professional in the room for their service in this grueling year of pandemic but with one quick pinprick and the gentle press of a Band-Aid, the moment's over and I'm sent to a room for 15 minutes of observation. The Black Eyed Peas again: I know that we'll have a ball if we get down and go out, and just lose it all... I am so overjoyed I might "lose it all" and horrify the others in this waiting room with my stuck-in-the-late-'90s-dance moves.

Instead I unearth my Kindle from my purse and dive into a sonnet from Jeanne Walker Murray’s Pilgrim, You Find the Path by Walking. In “Baker,” Walker Murray invites the reader into the mind of a lonely woman purchasing a fresh loaf of bread. Arriving at the bakery at 5 a.m. the woman admires the croissants, the braided challah, the alluring smell of yeast. Her exchange with the baker is intimate, “he gives you a loaf. / Neither of you can say / the mystery you share like love,” yet strikes me as melancholy. If this sonnet were a song, it would be the opposite of “I Gotta Feeling."

Waiting in this busy clinic, I let joy swirl in one half of my body, and grief in the other. “Whatever it is, you can / not explain the one thing that matters,” Walker Murray continues. The line that follows stands alone in white space:                  "You break."

As happy as I am to be here today, I relate so much to the inexplicable sorrow of this lonely woman, of the poet, naming her brokenness, searching for redemption in fresh bread. This poem makes me think of the Eucharist, the cross and the promise of Easter. It also reminds me of a difficult experience that happened to me just prior to Holy Week. I have written raw emails and jumbled journal entries and a disjointed poem about it but those words cannot express the depth of my heartache. I don’t know if I'll ever write about this "one thing that matters" publicly. 

No matter. Walker Murray understands my ineffable anguish. With some 14 verses, and the rhythm of a heartbeat, she stuns me with her knowing. Reading her sonnet feels like being understood by a dear friend, like the kind souls who held space for me recently. It feels like a kite in my chest, soaring higher and higher. It feels like dancing in public without worry of judgment. It feels like a shot you waited months for, a shot that represents freedom and connection and the end of fear and isolation.

This sonnet isn’t sad at all. It feels like hope.

CARE FOR CREATION: Earth Day is coming up on April 22. Here are some suggestions for observing this day on your own or with family: (1) Take stock of your plastic use and commit to reducing disposable plastics. (2) Organize a cleanup effort in a natural area near your home, picking up stray trash. Sort the garbage into recyclable and non-recyclable for proper disposal. (3) Go on a nature walk with loved ones. In my latest piece for Living Lutheran, I write about an ongoing practice I have with my son: nature church. "Once a month, we put on hiking shoes and visit a forest preserve to witness the beauty of God’s creation." Find more ideas for observing Earth Day here.

CELEBRATE WITH A SELFIE: Promote social change by sharing your COVID-19 vaccine selfie on social media. Not only does this photo signal to your social network your vaccination status, but it creates positive peer pressure for those who are on the fence about being vaccinated. (If you plan to share a photo after your shot(s), remember to avoid holding up cards or other markers with your personal information.) You might even use this moment to give thanks for all who contributed to this important scientific breakthrough. The faster we vaccinate, the sooner we can end the COVID-19 pandemic. Consider this your permission slip to share the news about your vaccine, when you get it, however you feel comfortable, knowing it will influence others in the best way.

This good news story about the Facebook group, "View from my window," that developed during the pandemic is sure to make you smile. An excerpt: "[W]e never know what tomorrow will be like and that life can be surprising. Travel is essential."

Cole Arthur Riley of @blackliturgies posted this poignant Easter reflection that I am still ruminating over: "Easter holds memory for a God who came back to life still bearing scars. We're reminded we don't have to leave behind our grief in order to participate in the joy of liberation."

On Easer I reshared a reflection I wrote in 2019 about Mary Magdalene at the empty tomb, and bearing witness to new life in our midst: "If we listen and look closely, signs of the resurrection abound: in the verdant moss covering a fallen tree trunk, the friends who call us by name and hoist us out of depression, in all our endings that offer a fresh beginning."

As promised, for Poetry Month, here are some favorite poetry resources: 

• Tweetspeak Poetry for stirring poetry prompts;
• The Poetry Foundation and Poets.org for repositories of classic and contemporary poems, plus free daily poetry emails;
• Poetry Unbound: I've share this before, but in case you are new here, this is a favorite podcast of mine (here's an episode I adore featuring Lemn Sissay's "Some Things I Like");
• Poet pals: I love reading poetry by Jenna Brack, Kelsi Folsom, Lorren Lemmons, Melissa Reeser Poulin and Michelle Windsor, all fellow members of the Exhale Creativity community.