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You will always know more about your child than the experts. Sometimes, what you know may confound and confuse them. That doesn't make you wrong. - Carol Anne Swett
Lyric-Melody beginning her future advocacy career early!
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Edition 18 - May 2021
- Susie Edwards - What I Learnt
- Steve Lock - Walking With Dads
- Primary Health Network
- "Intake" Project
- Global Day of Parents
- Parent get-togethers
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Farewell Susie! - "What I Learnt"
On May 13 we said "see you later" to Susie Edwards as she took off on the next leg of her inspiring journey.
She left us with many happy memories and some big shoes to fill. But what did she learn from her five years with us?
1. If you listen closely to a parent's story you will hear their strength, pain, regret, and shame, and find out how things fell apart. And they want to know how to pull it all back together again.
2. Shame is the most horrible emotion and it makes people freeze. How workers respond to parents matters!
3. If parents know the rules they will play by them - clear instructions on what they need to address and someone to help them access that help.
4. Parents can, do, and will change and take responsibility for what they need to do, especially if they have someone who believes in them and helps them to access the right services.
5. It doesn't matter how far away their children are, parents care and worry, and even if children can't live with them they are still Mum or Dad.
6. Grief can look like angry, mental illness, aggression, etc. and parents resent being called unstable. To quote many parents - "if someone took your children (right or wrong) how would you react?"
7. Parents have something in common with everyone in the sector - they, more than anyone else, want less numbers of children in care - home, happy, and safe.
8. You should never underestimate how precious it is to have a great carer who is willing to include parents in their child's life.
9. There is a gaping hole in services for parents after children are removed.
Susie also included these beautiful words: The best teachers are among you - parents and their children. Keep talking, learning, and partnering so that families that struggle are able to step forward without shame and get the support that they need to get back on track quickly and without judgement.
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Hi I’m Steve Lock and I’m the Child Safety Practice Leader on Domestic Family Violence (DFV). Last week (with my colleague Mary Kay) I was honoured (but a little scared) to meet Susie, Jennifer and three dads from FIN (Jason , Khan and Sloane). The idea was to talk about dads and the Child Safety system.
I was particularly keen to hear their views and ideas about WalkingWithDads (WWD). WWD is a specialist project which has a specific focus on engaging dads when DFV is an issue. We invented WWD because we knew working with dads in the CS system is very neglected and that all too often it is (unfairly) mothers who are the focus. Therefore mothers are usually the parent expected to address the children’s safety and well being. WWD takes a different approach and supports fathers to look at their parental responsibilities; and gives them opportunities to be heard and contribute fully as a parent. In fact even though it is not common in our society WWD has high expectations of fathers as parents!
I knew Jason, Khan and Sloane have had experiences with the system that trumps mine! I had to be ready to hear criticism and about unfairness in the system! Yes I’m a dad (two lovely teenage girls) and yes I’ve worked as a child protection social worker for 30 years. But I’ve never experienced the system as a parent on the receiving end! Of course I had nothing to fear (but lots to reflect on). The group were great to talk with and I learnt a lot about their experiences and about things we’re getting right (posters of dads in CS offices) and things we get wrong; for example where we avoid dads or treat them as ‘one dimensional’.
I really hope I can continue this connection with FIN. I know that parental leadership in improving the CS system is the song I want to hear! That last bit was inspired by the poetry of Amanda Gorman:
Change sings
I can hear change humming
In its loudest proudest song
I don’t fear change coming
And so I sing along
Amanda Gorman – National (US) Youth Poet Laureate
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Primary Health Network Meeting
The parents of FIN had the opportunity to give their opinions on how parents should be involved in the medical treatment of their children in out-of-home care. Representatives of the Primary Health Network met with parents to find out what’s important from our perspectives when thinking about the medical care we want for our kids who aren’t with us right now.
There were so many sad and frustrating stories we had to share with them, as well as our ideas on how this could have been prevented, and what we think should happen moving forward. As parents we’ve seen misdiagnoses, a failure to provide medical care to our children, and a failure to get all the information they need about our kids even though we offered to provide it. One dad mentioned how he frequently hears from people treating his children that they didn’t know certain important medical information about his kids, despite his having provided the information to the Department from numerous occasions.
It was recognised that there is currently a major issue with effective communication which is impacting on parents and their children in out of home care. Presumptions are often made where information is not sought, and this is leading to misdiagnosis and incomplete treatment for our little ones.
We also noted as parents that we don’t usually feel listened to once we are stuck with the label of “neglectful” or “abuser”. While we recognise that we have had issues with our parenting, we also emphasise that we are still the expert on our babies, as we are the ones who carried them (as mothers) and raised them at least for part of their lives.
We spoke about wanting to have a co-operative relationship with the people who foster and look after our little ones, so that we can combine our knowledge of these children to give health workers a more holistic picture of the struggles that they have experienced before and after being removed from our care.
An indigenous parent also raised cultural issues surrounding feeling uncomfortable accessing so many health workers and services, as in her experience “hospitals are just where you go to pass on.” She mentioned how she has benefited from being spoken to in a way that isn’t medical jargon, and that she can understand, without being patronised.
Thankfully the PHN representatives were eager to hear our stories and to work with us to provide solutions for other parents in the future.
We talked about how important it is for the Department, carers, parents and health workers to all communicate with each other, and we suggested an app might be a good way of doing this. We also acknowledged that some parents and carers don’t have access to technology, and suggested ways around this issue. We recognised that all stakeholders have a right to privacy and discussed with the PHN representatives how this can be maintained whilst still ensuring important information reaches everyone who needs to know.
The PHN representatives also acknowledged how important it is for us to feel like we are being heard and not just listened to. They realised we would want to see what was being done with our suggestions and promised to be in touch in the future with an update – we will keep you posted. - Laura, Parent Leader
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"Intake" - did anyone know how important and life-changing that word was... before they came into 'the system'?
On 22 April we were visited by departmental project staff.... whose job is was to look at how to improve the early parts of the departmental 'experience'. (This is called "Intake" in the Department and in many support services.)
Samantha and Tomika wanted to hear directly what parents though. And they listened. We had lots to say.... here's just a sample. (If you want to have your say on things like this.... contact us
- Support is slow to start – there is an urgency for this to start. “I didn’t have the time to wait”. Supports aren’t able to continue to when family move so this support stops
- “You need people beside you to hold your hand”
- “What if CSO was a social worker and their job was to support and work with families instead of deciding whether children stay or go”.
- Where things have been going well for a family with other children but then things change ask the parent “things are going different with this child, what’s happening?”
- Services should consider employing parents with real-lived experiences
- If you're a Family Support Services, stay in touch after a family "declines". “No the first time doesn’t mean no”. When parents initially decline it is because they are scared, need time to think/read information, they feel panic and shame.
- Parents should have the option to change worker if the support service worker doesn’t meet their need.
- Male workers in support services particularly to model for boys.
- Support workers not to tell Mother what they are doing “wrong” in front of the children.
- Mandatory reports should be exempt from reporting where the parent is seeking help and the service can provide help and the parent is willing.
- Support workers please don't tell parents what they are doing “wrong” in front of the children.
Parents having our say: opening workers' minds and ears; changing thinking. And hopefully changing early supports.
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See cute flyer below...
Parents like you: taking centre stage on Tues 1 June
Come along OR watch online > register here:
20210513-Global-Day-of-Parents-Forum.pdf (finseq.org.au)
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Have a cuppa with other parents
The great news is that there are parent groups in a few parts of Queensland. And more are emerging. We are all run differently and separately.... but we're all about empowering parents and families for their children.
If you're in Southeast Qld – here are the Southeast Qld dates. (Completely confidential and casual.) Northside - Thursday afternoons - next one - 22 July
12.30pm - 2pm, Northside Connect (Nundah Neighbourhood Centre), 14 Station Street, Nundah QLD 4012
Southside - Monday mornings - next one - 21 June
9.30am–11am, Wellspring Children and Families Hub 28 Malcolm Street, Hawthorne QLD 4171
- Parents meet in Toowoomba on the 4th Friday of the month - 9:30-11:00am - at Toowoomba Community Baptist Church, 111 Glenvale Rd.
- Townsville parents have support groups on the 1st and 3rd Tuesday of the month - 10:30am-12:30pm - at 431 Ross River Road, Cranbrook (a residential house not a business address). Run by FIN Townsville. More here.
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We hold morning or afternoon teas ('cuppa time catchups') with parents to share their experiences with other parents who have walked along the same path.
Get in touch with us to find out the next cuppa time catchup is.
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