Judy Lipson's Newsletter for Transformation
Finding Your Light to Remember and Become Who You Really Are
Are You Ready for On-Site School, Work, Summer and Camp Programs?
Regardless of age or destination, after up to 15 months of "isolating", many people are noting their excitement as well as their reluctance to engage in activities like work, school and social activities. As you read the strategies and tips below, look at how you can apply them for any new activity that you are trying to enter, and for any age of individual.
First of all, for many who read this newsletter, it's usually not easiest to shift directly to full engaging. Ease into it at your own pace. If you are certain that the resistance is not health and safety related, please continue to gently push yourself to greater activity. Here are some suggestions to make the shift from whatever level of "isolation" you have adapted to, to whatever level of activity that you are ready.
BRING FAMILIARITY TO THE UNFAMILIAR
Walk the location of the desired activity - campus, business, camp, etc. If the exact destination is not accessible due to distance or access, then find other locations that will feel the most similar to the facilities that you will be attending. Then practice, practice, practice.
For instance, walk the school or university campus. Enter the buildings, visit the dorms. Is it too far? Find a college or community college campus near you.
Is your child headed to camp? Even if it is a return trip, many kids are still experiencing a vast gap between current programming (schooling remotely or recent returns to in-person school) to interacting with many kids, new kids, distancing from their immediate family who they have not been separate from for over a year, and sleeping away from home, etc. This is a lot of change, even for the child who is super excited to attend camp. It's important to help them to lean in to these new events.
Have you been primarily isolating as a nuclear family? Learn to walk amongst strangers. Take walks around your neighborhood and say 'hi' to those you pass. Next walk in a park where others are also gathered. (Being in nature may help you with this step.) Next, move to walking in a more "city-like" location amongst people and less open spaces. Practice going in and out of stores and engaging with the workers as well.
Have them practice smiling (even behind a mask your eyes light up). Then role-play prior to shopping and practice the likely dialogues that will take place with the sales staff so that they can practice in real stores. Baby steps. This is not typically one trip. Get out more.....and more....and more. Practice and gain comfort for the new familiar.
*Pro-tip: many of our kids and adults who deal with anxiety and social anxiety are not comfortable with new situations, or talking to strangers. Find the ways to create the baby steps. If there is no way to do so in reality, then create social stories (for yourself or another). You can learn more about social stories on the internet, but basically you use words and/or pictures to review what to expect in the upcoming activity. Use social stories for any and all of your re-entry activities. Include modeling as well as role playing. Have fun with it. And don't think this is only for children or kids with disabilities. Everyone benefits, and you can be as creative and sophisticated, or as simple, as you need or prefer. Don't forget to talk about the feelings that are coming up for them during the social story (anticipatory anxiety), as well as the possible feelings that they will experience then/there. This is actually very helpful for your child to normalize their emotions, and to pre-plan their responses, which can include reframing the situation, focusing on the positive aspects and what they already know, identifying their allies there, etc.
We humans love our patterns and routines. An article that I recently read recommended these 5 tips:
- Focus on relaxation and breathing: Breathe in for the count of 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, pause for 4, repeat.
- Break your goals down into small manageable steps
- Celebrate your wins
- Reward yourself
- Make one change at a time
Also, even if CDC guidelines indicate that you need not mask, maintaining that familiar behavior may provide you a better chance to stretch yourself into newer activities. This journey needs to be a judgement-free zone with patience and encouragement (for self and others), to provide for consistent movement toward your goals.
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I plan to devote next month's newsletter to insights related to T/t Traumas.
Hope you'll check it out.
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QUESTIONS & COMMENTS
Q: "My mom tells me to just remember things, but I have ADHD and I can’t."
A: I don’t believe there is such a thing as “just remember”. We all have to learn how to make things routine enough that we don’t forget. Think of all the things that you do without thinking about them. Maybe it’s washing your face and brushing your teeth in the morning or before bed. You never 'just remembered' that. You had to develop the memory for it. Back then it was your parents reminding you multiple times, and sometimes giving you a consequence, that helped you to remember. Now it’s natural.
Now it’s time for you to come up with strategies for yourself, using aspects of your personality and strengths, so that you will ‘remember’ these things - with assistance (strategies). Until they become part of your routine.
To make them routine, try alerts and alarms on your phone. Some people like to place notes (words or pictures-drawn or computer printed) on their mirrors or doors with reminders for that room's tasks (make breakfast, clean up dishes, take medication, brush teeth, comb hair, clean room, etc). You can "hire" your parent to continue being your reminder-er, but I promise that you will tire of this "nagging" quickly, and it won't help when it's time to go to college or to live independently.
Q: "How do I get my son to help himself? He seems to fight doing anything that could help him?"
A: It could be that you (and the school staff, if this is the domain that you are referring to) have been offering the wrong strategies, and he knows it. It could also be that he’s afraid to try and subsequently fail, because that increases his disappointment in himself.
Instead of telling him what to do, engage him in a conversation and get his feedback and ideas. Make it a collaborative dialogue where you both have input and can brainstorm together.
Q: "How can I better connect with kids who feel misunderstood?"
A: Be sure to validate them and their message, by repeating what they are saying - include their spoken message along with their underlying emotions, even if you don’t agree. Your correction or alternate information can come later. Incidentally this is not just for your kids as it is a highly recommended communication strategy for all ages, in all situations. Modeling this for your children and students will provide them with a great relationship tool!
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QUOTES
This is one of my favorite poems! It has such a strong message for transformation.
She Let Go
by Safire Rose
She let go.
She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.
She let go of the fear.
She let go of the judgments.
She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.
She let go of the committee of indecision within her.
She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons.
Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.
She didn’t ask anyone for advice.
She didn’t read a book on how to let go.
She didn’t search the scriptures.
She just let go.
She let go of all of the memories that held her back.
She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.
She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.
She didn’t promise to let go.
She didn’t journal about it.
She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer.
She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper.
She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope.
She just let go.
She didn’t analyze whether she should let go.
She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter.
She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment.
She didn’t call the prayer line.
She didn’t utter one word.
She just let go.
No one was around when it happened.
There was no applause or congratulations.
No one thanked her or praised her.
No one noticed a thing.
Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.
There was no effort.
There was no struggle.
It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad.
It was what it was, and it is just that.
In the space of letting go, she let it all be.
A small smile came over her face.
A light breeze blew through her.
And the sun and the moon shone forevermore…
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APPEARING
Listen NOW: Want to learn more about transformation? Here's the half-hour talk that I did for the West Bloomfield Rotary Club.
Watch it NOW: On 6/24/20, I was part of a panel discussion discussing innovative education for Indigo, Crystal, and Starseed children
Sun, July 11, 4:40ET I will be on the Awaken Beauty Podcast with Kassandra Kuehl talking about Sensitives (particularly women) and ADHD. This conversation will be recorded so I can link it to my website and future newsletters
Wed Oct 27: evening presentation TBD for Novi Youth Assistance
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COMMUNITY EVENTS
Pathway to Hope 2021 Resource Guide offered by Healing Complex Kids. The first 4000 copies ordered with an Oakland County zip code are free, due to a generous grant! If you are not in Oakland County, or are after the 4000, then they are $9.97 + $5 for shipping and handling.
Nov 10, 11, 12, 2021: MASSW 2021 Conference, at Grand Traverse Resort and Spa
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TIPS AND RESOURCES
Full Spectrum Agency for Autistic Adults will be offering several reasonably priced opportunities for small group peer support meet-ups in June.
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Some Sensitives have a condition called hyperacusis resulting in significant sound sensitivity that can also lead to anxiety, and increased physical tension. There are a number of noise-canceling devices to consider for easing the effects: Bose makes several varieties including ear buds and full ear coverage headphones. Some can even be personally adjusted through your smartphone to increase or decrease the amount of extraneous sound that is quieted. Apple's AirPod Pro offers the noise-canceling option (either on or off). Additionally, a parent recently told me about a more affordable option by Flare Audio, which I've not yet seen or tried.
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Judy Lipson, M.A.
Licensed Professional Counselor
Judy is a Licensed Professional Counselor who supports Sensitives of all ages - including ADHD, Anxiety, and Autism - in life, work and school. She can also help you Remember and Become Who You Really Are. Judy offers Transformational Counseling, Educational Consultations, and Academic Strategies. Presentations and Workshops also available.
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Parenting on the Go - Sensitives
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"Thank you for such a beautiful message here in the new year."
- S.S.
"Just wanted you to know how much I enjoy your newsy-letters and this one in particular. Such upbeat, gracious, sweet advice. Hoping you are well, happy, and staying safe. With appreciation for all you have done, all you continue to do, and all that you share with all of us."
- Terri S
"It worked!!! I have had numerous moments to test the outcome of the work that we did. It’s amazing. You are amazing. I hear everything. I care about it. I don’t have an emotional attachment to it. Before I saw you last week, I did not know that this was an option. Thank you so much."
– Elli A
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"Thank you so much. Best meeting we've had all year! The message was perfect and timely."
- Cindy H and Debbie B
"I purchased your CD at an ADHD conference several (many?) years ago when my kids were in school. I had never tried using a relaxation CD before I purchased it and I absolutely loved listening to it. The device I had been using to listen to it died and I could not find my original CD. I am so glad that I could get another one! Thank you for making that CD. It has helped me get through some really tough times in my life."
- T.B.
"Judy, your newsletter gets better every single month. Your information is so important, even to those of us who didn’t think we needed the counseling. I’m amazed at your vocabulary and the way you put together your thoughts."
- N.K.
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