The Great Thanksgiving Tradition

And no, I don’t mean me trotting out the metaphor that has caused dozens of comedians to go “No, but why haven’t you passed me?” I mean leftovers!

If you’ve been with me for a whole year, first of all THANK YOU! But second of all, some or all of this will sound familiar.

But I think it all bears repeating periodically and I hope it brings a little peace into your world this Thanksgiving.

The Thanksgiving Table Problem

You know it, you don’t love it because it’s an infuriating truth, but also a good reminder that you aren’t necessarily doing something wrong.

Why you’re still (metaphorically) sitting at the kids table.

When Gratitude gets Weaponized

Gratitude can do wonders for your mental health. It is often a key component of Mindfulness Behavioral Therapy and any number of Self Help type plans.

You don’t even need a guru to tell you how nice it feels when you stop and think about small and large things the awesome people around you have done for you. And just the act of taking that perspective can help reorient some of the neural paths of depression!

But in the wild west of comedy, gratitude can turn ugly.

After all, there are objectively many, many people seeking very few opportunities. And when someone deigns to bestow one of these opportunities upon you, you will of course feel grateful!

But that gratitude should have a sane and reasonable limit. For example:

You don’t need to keep working at a club you’ve “outgrown” just because they “did so much to get you where you are” or not work another club because the two venues have beef.
You don’t have to drive the headliner you’re featuring for this weekend to the nail salon and dry cleaners and dog groomers “on the way” to the gig just because they offered you work (and hopefully some gas money).
You don’t have to post about someone else’s album or special or give them an algo boost comment if they have previously (voluntarily) posted about yours.

But if you find yourself in a situation that isn’t as clear cut as “I’ll give you a spot for a blow job”, here’s a couple things to think about to figure out where you fall on the scale of entitled ingrate to people pleasing doormat.

the opportunity giver is nearly always getting something in return

No matter how insular, capricious and unprofessional things can get at times, this is still a business. When you are offered an opportunity, it may be due to any combination of merit, luck, personal or professional connections, greed, lust or pure coincidence. Regardless, the opportunity giver is nearly always getting something in return - money, status, a pat on the head from their boss, whatever. So it is absolutely not a one way street.

Anyone trying to trade on your “gratitude” to pressure you to do (or not do) something is changing the terms of the deal after the fact

If someone tells you up front “I only book people I can trade spots with” you can properly weigh the cost and reward of your decision.

If they complain or nag you after the fact to book them “because I booked you!” that’s just trying to take advantage of your inclination to be polite or feel guilty. But they’re the one breaking the social contract first, so you can throw politeness out of the window.

But did they go above and beyond or out o their way?