A WEEKLY FILM NEWSLETTER PROMOTING ARTHOUSE, REPERTORY, ART, SHORT FORM AND EXPERIMENTAL CINEMA SCREENING IN THE CITY OF MELBOURNE

Apologies for sending this twice! We forgot to include about 500 of Bruno Slonek’s beautifully crafted words.

Wonka

(Paul King, 2023)

DCP Courtesy: Universal Films

Classification: PG

Apologies for sending this twice! We forgot to include about 500 of Slonek’s beautifully crafted words.

Words by Bruno Slonek

Timothée Chalamet strutted into the Make-A-Wish Foundation, smiling obtusely. As he approached reception, a young woman with a kind smile looked up from her computer. “Hello, how can I help you?” she asked. Timothée hesitated for a moment, his eyes betraying a mix of vulnerability and determination. “Hello. I’d like to make a wish.”

The receptionist, sensing the sincerity in his request, frowned sternly. Tim continued: “This morning doc, crow’s feet. Right above my perfect cheekbones. I didn’t think it so, but turns out I’m mortal, doc, just like everyone else. But I can’t die, doc - I’m simply too pretty. There must be a way I can stay a little boy forever.”

The receptionist's expression shifted, gripped with a mix of confusion and disgust. “L-look, Tim, our organisation is for children…” her voice trailed off, her eyes unable to meet his. A flicker of anger briefly flashed across Timothée's perfect face, distorting the once-pleasant features into an angular grimace. “But I am a little boy” he said. “I’ll show you – I’m a real boy, honest”. The receptionist reiterated, “I'm truly sorry, Timothée, but like I told you yesterday - we simply do not consider the aging process a terminal illness. And besides, you’re 27. It’s time to grow up.”

“NO!” Timothée squealed, his shriek ascending to a fever pitch. He grabbed his head with both hands and began to sway violently back and forth. The receptionist knew this all too well: Timothée was having a tantrum. “I am a real boy!” he screeched, tears welling up. His screeches devolved to animalistic howls as he dropped to the floor and began rolling from side to side, screeching and clawing at the air, calling for his mother. “MUMMY! MUUUUMMMYYY!!!” Eventually, security dragged him from the premises kicking and screaming.

When he finally calmed down, Timothée found himself before a decrepit antique shop. The sign, faded and weathered, read “KinoTopia”. The eminent decay spurred something within him. Overcome by his impending mortality, Timothée’s determination doubled. The weak make way for the strong. The scythe is remorseless.

Dust met his nostrils as he slid open the creaky door. A bell twinkled faintly as he entered. The air was thick with the scent of ancient artifacts and the promise of infinite possibility. Timothée noticed a wizened old slav behind the counter. He must be the brains of the operation. Timothée thought.

“Welcome, Timothée. What brings you to KinoTopia?” the old slav croaked, his voice buckling under its arcane power and the burden of forbidden knowledge. Timothée hesitated for a moment. He knows my name? He glanced at the dusty hourglasses, antique pocket watches, Adderall, and trinkets that cluttered the shelves. An indescribable, scaled organism flittered amongst the debris. Timothée could sense he was being watched.

“I... I'm not sure. Maybe an hourglass to turn back time?” he said with a nervous chuckle, half expecting the old slav to dismiss the idea as absurd. To his surprise, the slav smiled knowingly, his yellowed teeth jutting out like the crags of a jagged mountaintop. He beckoned Timothée closer. They walked to the back of the store, where a small, ornate box sat on a velvet cushion. The old slav opened it, revealing a delicate pocket watch with an intricate design. It ticked softly, resonating with the very essence of eternity.

“This,” the old slav began, “is the Temporal Timepiece. Legend has it that it holds the power to return childhood itself from the abyss. But beware. Tampering with time comes with its own consequences.” Timothée's eyes widened with fascination. Could this be the solution he had been unconsciously seeking? No more stem cell injections, blood transfusions, or cannibalising babies? Could he really be a little boy forever? Timothée clutched the contraption greedily, erupting into a roaring fit of manic laughter. “It’s mine! All mine! AHHAHHAHAHAH”. The old slav nodded solemnly, turning away with a wicked smile. “Remember, time is a delicate thread little Tim. Tread carefully.”

As Timothée left the shop he couldn't shake the feeling he was making a mistake. He examined the watch greedily, dazzled by its craftsmanship. Hesitant but resolute, he pressed the small button on the side. Suddenly, time began to dilate. Timothée felt strange, as if the world had melted into chocolate. Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, yet Timothée remained unchanged. He revelled in the timeless bliss, relishing his freedom from its relentless march. However, as the years outside slipped by, he couldn't ignore the growing isolation. Old symbols remained unchanged, reappearing with determined regularity, drained of vitality, and gripped by an increasingly plastic sheen. Timothée's heart ached with a deep sense of loss. The Temporal Timepiece, while preserving the beloved characters from his youth, became a nostalgic refuge from the inevitable progression of life.

One day, as he gazed at his reflection in the mirror, the corpse of Wonka stared back. Panic set in, and he sprinted to the slav's shop, desperate for answers. “I see you've discovered the true nature of the Temporal Timepiece,” the old slav said. “What's happening to me? I don’t feel like a real boy anymore!” Timothée squealed, terror etched across his face. The old slav cackled, malice in his eyes. “Time is a river, my young friend. It cannot be stopped or reversed. The Temporal Timepiece merely provided you with a temporary illusion of control. Now, you must face the consequences of soullessly reviving a lynchpin of everyone’s childhood.”

As the truth sank in, Timothée felt a profound sense of regret. He had spurned the limitless potential of new ideas to reanimate a sacred IP that had been cherished for decades. “You still have time, young Tim,” the old slav continued. “To embrace the present, to cherish the moments that remain. You can forget Wonka; the role was never meant for you.”

Distraught, Timothée realized that he was nothing more than a shell of a man with a frightened little boy at his core. He had neither the whimsy nor wisdom to thrive in Dahl’s chaotic universe. But he had tried regardless. What a fool. The Temporal Timepiece had merely shown him what he’d known all along – childhood was destined to melt through his fingers like so many chocolatey Yum Yums. Wonka would be a C+ at best, a cadaver dusted off - the sickly, dizzying emptiness of a chocolate overdose.

WEBSITE: kinotopia.com.au

IG: kinotopia_

TWITTER: Kinotopia.Oz

WEEKLY FILM LISTINGS

December 14 - December 20

ACMI

Renaissance: A film by Beyoncé

James B. Merryman, 2023
Screening Thursday

Shayda

Noora Niasari, 2023

Matinee screenings Fri-Sun

Artificial Eye

De humani corporis fabrica

Lucien Castaing-Taylor & Véréna Paravel, 2023

Screening Sat 16 Dec

ARTIST FILM WORKSHOP

No screening this week

ASTOR CINEMA

Maestro

Bradley Cooper, 2023

Screening Daily

The Boy and the Heron

Hayao Miyazaki, 2023

Screening Daily

Renaissance: A film by Beyonce

James B. Merryman, 2023

Screening Daily

Poor Things
Yorgos Lanthimos, 2023
Preview Screening Friday 15 December

The Apartment
Billy Wilder, 1960
Screening Saturday

Die Hard
John McTiernan, 1988
Screening Saturday
+
Die Hard II
Renny Harlin, 1990

Edward Scissorhands
Tim Burton, 1990
Screening Sunday 17 December

The Long Kiss Good Night
Renny Harlin, 1996
Screening Monday 18 December

Carol
Todd Haynes, 2015
Screening Tuesday 19 December

BBBC CINEMA (GALLERYGALLERY BRUNSWICK)

Closed until summer

THE CAPITOL

The Grinch
Scott Mosier & Yarrow Cheney, 2018
Screening Saturday 16 December

CHINATOWN CINEMA

The Boy and the Heron

Hayao Miyazaki, 2023

Screening Daily

The Invisible Guest

Raymond Yip & Cheng Wei Hao, 2023

Screening Daily

CINÉ-CLUB (Carlton)

Shut over the Christmas break

CINEMANIACS (ACMI)

Batman Returns
Tim Burton, 1992
Screening Saturday 16 December

CINEMA NOVA

Preview Screening

Next Goal Wins
Taika Waititi, 2023

New

Wonka
Paul Knight, 2023
Screening Daily

Beyond Utopia
Madeleine Gavin, 2023
Screening Daily

Master Gardner

Paul Schrader, 2022

Screening Daily

Maestro

Bradley Cooper, 2023

Screening Daily

The Boy and the Heron

Hayao Miyazaki, 2023
Screening Daily

Dicks: The Musical

Larry Charles, 2023

Screening Daily

Napoleon

Ridley Scott, 2023

Screening Daily

Saltburn

Emerald Fennell, 2023

Screening Daily

Godzilla Minus One

Takashi Yamazaki, 2023

Screening Daily

Bottoms

Emma Seligman, 2023

Screening Daily

The Old Oak

Ken Loach, 2023

The Eight Mountains

Felix Van Groeningen, Charlotte Vandermeersch, 2023

Screening Daily

Uproar

Hamish Bennett, Paul Middleditch, 2023

Screening Daily

Renaissance: A film by Beyonce

James B. Merryman, 2023

Screening Daily

The Royal Hotel

Kitty Green, 2023

Screening Daily

Bromley: Light After Dark
Sean McDonald, 2023
Screening Daily

Stop Making Sense

Jonathan Demme, 1983

Screening Daily

Blue Jean
Georgia Oakley, 2022
Screening Daily

The Killer

David Fincher, 2023

Screening Daily

Mutiny in Heaven: The Birthday Party

Ian White, 2023

Screening Daily

Killers of the Flower Moon

Martin Scorsese, 2023

Screening Daily

Rotting in the Sun

Sebastián Silva, 2023

Limited

Taylor Swift | The Eras Tour

Sam Wrench, 2023

Limited

Sick of Myself
Kristoffer Borgli, 2022
Limited

Past Lives

Celine Song, 2023

Limited

Theater Camp
Molly Gordon & Nick Lieberman, 2023
Limited

Talk To Me
Danny and Michael Philippou, 2023
Limited

Barbie
Greta Gerwig, 2023
Limited

Oppenheimer
Christopher Nolan, 2023
Limited

DOGMILK DEGUSTATIONS: @ Miscellenia

Season 3 coming soon!

FRENCH FILM CLUB

Closed for the semester

GAY24

No screening this week

HITLIST (9 Gertrude St, Fitzroy)

No screening this week

LIDO / CLASSIC / CAMEO

Marie Antoinette
Sofia Coppola, 2006
Screening Thursday 14 December

Die Hard
John McTiernan, 1988
Screening Friday 15 December

Home Alone
Chris Columbus, 1990
Screening Sunday 17 December

Wonka
Paul Knight, 2023
Screening Daily

Master Gardner

Paul Schrader, 2022

Screening Daily

Maestro

Bradley Cooper, 2023

Screening Daily

The Boy and the Heron

Hayao Miyazaki, 2023

Dicks: The Musical

Larry Charles, 2023

Screening Daily

Renaissance: A film by Beyonce

James B. Merryman, 2023

Screening Daily

Napoleon

Ridley Scott, 2023

Screening Daily

Saltburn

Emerald Fennell, 2023

Screening Daily

Bottoms

Emma Seligman, 2023

Screening Daily

The Old Oak

Ken Loach, 2023

Screening Daily

Uproar

Hamish Bennett, Paul Middleditch, 2023

Screening Daily

The Royal Hotel

Kitty Green, 2023

Screening Daily

Trolls Band Together

Walt Dohrn, 2023

Screening Sat, Sun

Killers of the Flower Moon

Martin Scorsese, 2023

Limited Screenings

Past Lives
Celine Song, 2023
Limited Screenings

THE MELBOURNE CINÉMATHÈQUE (ACMI)

Nobody Wanted to Die
Vytautas Žalakevičius, 1965
Screening Wednesday 20 December 7pm
+
Lemonade Joe

Oldřich Lipský, 1964
Screening Wednesday 9pm

TOP OF THE HEAP (Tramway Hotel)

No screening

MELBOURNE HORROR FILM SOCIETY

Black X-mas

Glen Morgan, 2006

Screening at Longplay Tuesday 19 December 7:30pm

MELBOURNE UNIVERSITY: SCREENING IDEAS

No screening this week

PALACE BALWYN / BRIGHTON / COMO / KINO / PENTRIDGE / WESTGARTH

Wonka
Paul Knight, 2023
Screening Daily

Master Gardner

Paul Schrader, 2022

Screening Daily

Maestro

Bradley Cooper, 2023

Screening Daily

The Boy and the Heron

Hayao Miyazaki, 2023

Screening Daily

Dicks: The Musical

Larry Charles, 2023

Screening Daily

Napoleon

Ridley Scott, 2023

Screening Daily

Saltburn

Emerald Fennell, 2023

Screening Daily

Bottoms

Emma Seligman, 2023

Screening Daily

The Old Oak

Ken Loach, 2023

The Eight Mountains

Felix Van Groeningen, Charlotte Vandermeersch, 2023

Screening Daily

Uproar

Hamish Bennett, Paul Middleditch, 2023

Screening Daily

Renaissance: A film by Beyonce

James B. Merryman, 2023

Screening Daily

Killers of the Flower Moon

Martin Scorsese, 2023

Limited Screenings

A Haunting In Venice
Kenneth Branagh, 2023
Limited Screenings

Barbie

Greta Gerwig, 2023

Limited Screenings

Oppenheimer
Christopher Nolan, 2023
Limited Screenings

STATIC VISION

Big Xmas Bash

Friday 15 December 6pm

Suss site for details.

https://checkout.square.site/buy/T6JFY6HM7MK5KR3DX5SUNAAP

SUN CINEMAS YARRAVILLE

Wonka
Paul Knight, 2023
Screening Daily

Dream Scenario
Kristoffer Borgli, 2023

Preview Screening Friday 15 December 7:30pm

Master Gardner

Paul Schrader, 2022

Screening Daily

Maestro

Bradley Cooper, 2023

Screening Daily

The Boy and the Heron

Hayao Miyazaki, 2023

Screening Daily

Dicks: The Musical

Larry Charles, 2023

Screening Daily

Napoleon

Ridley Scott, 2023

Screening Daily

Saltburn

Emerald Fennell, 2023

Screening Daily

Bottoms

Emma Seligman, 2023

Screening Daily

The Royal Hotel

Kitty Green, 2023

Screening Daily

Trolls Band Together

Walt Dohrn, 2023

Screening Sat, Sun

Stop Making Sense (40 Year Anniversary re-release)

Jonathan Demme, 1983

Screening Daily

TELOS
At the Alderman (134 Lygon St, Brunswick East)

No screening this week

THORNBURY PICTURE HOUSE

Dogs in Space
Richard Lowenstein, 1986
Screening Thursday 14 December

Other, Like Me
Dan Fox & Marcus Werner Hed
Screening Thursday 14 December

The Boy and the Heron

Hayao Miyazaki, 2023

Screening Daily

Wonka
Paul Knight, 2023
Screening Daily

The Old Oak
Ken Loach, 2023
Screening Saturday and Wednesday

Poor Things
Yorgos Lanthimos, 2023
Preview Screening Saturday 16 December

The Lost City of Melbourne + Director Introduction
Gus Berger, 2022
Screening Sunday 17 December 3pm

UNKNOWN PLEASURES (BILL MOUSOULIS + CHRIS LUSCRI)

No screening this week