March 2024
March means Happy birthday to my bro Josh and babe Viss!
I dont know if its obvious but Ive really been struggling with energy and brain capacity these past few months. Probably even since I had covid last November. Ive just been so tired. My newsletter is something I really enjoy putting together, but I dont want it to cause me to burn out or get overwhelmed. I say that but then I also cant help but pile on the things to include each month. I can pair back but I also get over excited and hyper-focus on putting together research or my projects or exhibitions. I find my newsletter an amazing space for me AuDHD to flourish and a good activity to pour my energy into. Yet I dont have a lot of energy at the moment.
Ive been pretty depressed not only because the world is so cruel, but also because my new meds havent been working and Ive basically runout of options. My Rheumatologist said that if this immunosuppressant doesnt work, Im going to stop trying them and that my only option left is a CT guided steroid injection into my spine. The thought of this really scares me, and the potential risk of nerve damage. An online friend recommended a book about Autoimmunity, and Im nervous because the cover has loads of veggies on it but I have no other hope. I know that I need to educate myself more about diet and environment and hope to hell that some changes can bring me some relief from inflammation. Im scared, im cynical but at the same time, I cant just completely lose hope in life and live in fear which is where I have been for the past few weeks.
In another way to try to be more active in protecting my health and covid mitigations, I invested in two air purifiers, both from Smart Air UK. I got the Sqair which seems like the best value for money and the QT3 Portable Air Purifier. The fight for clean air should be something we are all involved in, whether its pollution or pet hair or viruses. It makes me despair that most people learned nothing from being in a pandemic, in fact most people think it is over completely and covid is no longer a threat. Most people stopped masking in 2022, but do you seriously think a deadly and disabled virus just disappeared or was suddenly no longer a threat after 2 years? 2020-2022 feels like a fever dream, where more people were looking out for each other and taking precautions which protected their own health as well as our neighbours and community. I see these “keep masking” and “social distance” signs and stickers, fading but still part of society yet everyone ignores them. It pains me, and makes me so scared for the future. A study showed that on a hospital ward where there were air purifiers, covid was not an issue, patients were not contracting covid while at the hospital seeking out medical care. But that was one ward. Most hospitals are not safe for already medically vulnerable people, including people on immunosuppressants and people having chemotherapy. Its disgraceful that people don’t mask in healthcare settings, its like if people suddenly stopped wearing latex gloves in medical settings too. It just makes no sense. It shouldn’t have to be on individuals to buy air purifiers but unfortunately thats the world we live in. Instead of masking, testing, demanding clean air and proper covid mitigations, everyone decided to just go “back to normal” and pretend covid is in the past. I cant cope with more pain, I cant cope with more disability in my life. Long Covid and other post-viral illnesses are real, and they should be taken seriously and avoided at all costs. 1 in every 10-20 covid infections can lead to Long Covid, limited mobility, chronic pain, organ damage, brain fog etc. I just wish people would listen and understand, but most think disability will never happen to them, or that we are overreacting.
Textile wise, I have slowed down a bit on my 2024 Quilt Project but I did make progress on February’s theme which was Seminole patchwork. You can see more about that below. I also made a few Tatreez cards for my loved ones birthdays and Mothers Day. I also made a quilt block to contribute to a community memorial quilt for the people of Gaza in Palestine. I also highlighted the incredible work of Sliman Mansour, a well known Palestinian artist who has creates work encapsulating his peoples beauty and their pain.
I left the house a couple times this month, once to go see the beautiful blossom at Kenwood House as you can see below and also me and Mol went to see a show which has been called Disability Taskmaster, the actual name was Blue Badge Bunch. I also went to see the CUTE exhibition at Somerset House which was incredible but Im too tired to write a summary at the moment. That keeps happening, usually I love sharing the exhibitions Ive been too but lately I just haven’t had the energy to go through (my excessive) photographs and notes.
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This month I started on a new project which is making cards for my loved ones using Tatreez embroidery designs. I was so inspired by my first attempt at Tatreez that I wanted to get more experience and share the beauty with my loved ones. I started with a Mothers Day design from Ramallah for my Mum, of a greenish blue hen and a yellow chick with a red heart. Next was a birthday card with a design called The Purple Moon, also from Ramallah, a perfect name for my brother Josh who loves nature and the colour purple. Lastly I made a birthday card for my friend Viss, who loves cherries. I couldnt find a traditional Tatreez design which includes cherries so I chose this grape design and added her initial in pink. This design can be seen all over Palestine and isnt distinctive to a specific region like many others.
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Making Tatreez (Palestinian embroidery) cards for my loved ones
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“On International Women's Day, it is crucial to highlight the resilience and bravery of Palestinian women who bear the brunt of oppression, enduring daily hardships and injustices as they strive to maintain their families, communities, and cultural heritage amidst the occupation's pervasive discrimination and violence. Palestinian women persist in pursuing justice and equality, playing integral roles in resistance movements and grassroots organising efforts. Their unwavering commitment to their families and communities serves as a powerful testament to their strength and determination in the face of adversity. In Gaza, the suffering of Palestinian women is further exacerbated by the ongoing genocide and slaughter inflicted upon innocent civilians by the occupying forces. Women in Gaza endure unimaginable horrors as they witness the loss of loved ones, the destruction of their homes, and the deprivation of necessities such as food, water, and medical care. The relentless bombardment and siege imposed upon Gaza have resulted in widespread trauma and displacement, with women and children bearing the heaviest burden of this humanitarian catastrophe. Despite the immense suffering they endure, Palestinian women in Gaza continue to demonstrate remarkable resilience and solidarity, supporting one another and fighting for their existence amidst the chaos and devastation wrought by the occupation's aggression.”
Words copied from Sliman Mansour’s instagram.
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The kittens have been here for well over a month now! They stayed in Josh’s room for about a month and now they roam the house in specific rooms and the hallway. This means that they have been interacting with Mew and Ginge a lot more. Mew has remained quite hissy, setting boundaries that she doesnt want to be bothered and disturbed. I dont blame her because she suddenly has two very energetic, excitable kittens coming at her from all directions, so I hope the dynamics improve when they calm down a bit. It will all take some getting used to, especially for Mew and Ginge who have had their peace disrupted with more energy and different smells. Im so proud of the older cats and hate seeing them stressed out and bothered, I just hope they will all learn to tolerate eachother at the minimum! Mango and Chewy are just very loving and curious lads who want to get to know their Aunt and Uncle (Mew and Ginge). Its so funny because Mew and Ginger are me and Josh’s siblings, but Mango and Chewy are Josh’s children, making them my nephews. We have even been calling Mum and Dad, Aji and Aja (paternal grandparents in Hindi/Bhojpuri). Theyre so sweet and full of love and energy, its been beautiful to witness and be so close to such adorable energy.
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Me and Mollie headed to Park Theatre in Finsbury Park to see a Saturday morning show called Blue Badge Bunch, created and hosted by Benny Shakes, a comedian with Cerebral Palsy. He created this show to educate kids in a fun way about all kinds of disabilities. Its a gameshow which has been called Disability Taskmaster (Me and Mol are obsessed with Taskmaster) and each round highlights a different Disability or Disabled experience. It was mostly families with children there but it was such a laugh and such good energy. The co-host Mark Nicholas introduced himself and talked about being Autistic and how people make assumptions. He asked if anyone else is Autistic and I raised my hand, for a moment I felt like a bit of a fraud because Im not officially diagnosed, but really and truly, the diagnosis process is long for an adult, can be expensive and the diagnosis criteria in itself is not inclusive of all genders and races. I found it incredibly validating to finally understand that I am AuDHD, my brain is wired differently and this is just how I am. Im not flawed, Im not broken, I havent been struggling with Anxiety and Depression for over half my life in isolation, it was actually that I was struggling because Im neurodivergent. It was actually really validating because the show was really interactive and Mark kept referring to us as “The Autistics” which made me feel really safe and included. There were five different rounds, the first was to draw Benny Shakes with our feet to think about people who dont have limbs and are taught different ways to do things like make art or drive. The second was from Benny’s perspective of having Cerebral Palsy, because he uses one hand to stabilise the other, the contestant has to butter a slice of bread, one handed, while being poked with giant foam hands (to represent the fact that he is always in physical pain). I cant remember the order of the other rounds but they were a say what you see made of symbols from Jamie (Benny’s friend with Cerebral Palsy who uses Augmented and Alternative Communication (AAC)). The next round was guessing how much different mobility aids and devices cost. It was a super fun, educational and wholesome show. Not that I have any children in my life but I bought his book titled Blue Badge Bunch which follows Benny and his Grandad touring the UK to meet other Disabled kids.
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After the Blue Badge Bunch, on the way back to Finsbury Park station we saw this large mosaic called The Elm Tree of Life. Im obsessed with mosaics as an art form, I think its such a beautiful and ancient way of creating images. This artwork was cool because the tiles were printed with images of local history, and also included braille. There is some really interesting folklore surrounding trees and this particular part of North London, part of which is called Seven Sisters. Read this article for more information about the artists and concepts behind it.
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This is the quilt block I made for An Inch For Each of the Dead. A community memorial quilt organised by Sydney where each square represents a beautiful, rich, vast and individual life killed in Gaza. Its harrowing to think of and see the destruction and dehumanisation Palestinians have faced for over 75 years. Every life taken is a tragedy from the babies who had their chance at life cruelty and needlessly stolen from them to the elderly who experienced the 1948 Nakba and occupation ever since. I used part of a keffiyeh i bought last month at the P21 Gallery exhibition called From Palestine With Art, as well as bandanas and tie-dyed fabric I have been working with as part of my patchwork experimentation. I chose a heart bandana instead of paisley because i wanted love to be literally in the piece as well as the love I physically put into it by making it. I have included my digital plans for the patchwork so you can see my process (as always). The bottom design also shows my first attempt, which ended up being 1.5inches too small for the submission requirements. I learnt a lot and connected more to my sewing machine through the process of making this quilt block. I’ll post in the future when all of the blocks have been assembled together and especially if the final product will be exhibited anywhere.
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Making my An Inch For Each of the Dead community quilt block
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I know Im not the only one who is completely overwhelmed, angered, disgusted, heartbroken and completely shaken to the core by the devastation and violence we have witnessed for the past 6 months. The unrelenting violence and horror has almost been too much to believe and comprehend, except we have been witnessing it all with our own eyes, every single day, through our screens. I honestly cant comprehend the pain, horrors, trauma, death, cruelty, dehumanisation and terror that Palestinians have faced across Gaza, Jerusalem and the West Bank, but also globally. Palestinian’s globally not knowing if their families, friends or communities are safe. For months we have been calling for ceasefires, ends to selling weapons, end to the occupation and freedom for Palestinians. We have been called Antisemites, terrorist sympathisers, terrorist lovers. Peaceful protests have been called hate marches. It has taken the targeted death of international aid workers to make (some) Western media and politicians to speak up and say enough is enough. Six international aid workers, Lalzawmi Frankcom, 43 - Australia, Damian Soból, 35 - Poland, Jacob Flickinger, 33 - USA/Canada and John Chapman, 57, James Henderson, 33, and James Kirby, 47 - the UK, as well as Saifeddin Issam Ayab Abutaha, 25 - the Palestinian driver were killed in three targeted attacks by the IOF, despite them being in clearly labelled vehicles, and despite being coordinated with Israel. They were bombed in the first vehicle, the survivors then escaped to a second vehicle which was bombed, the remaining survivors made it to a third and final vehicle where all remaining aid workers were killed. This was not an accident, this was not a “horror of war” it was malicious and targeted. Now many aid organisations have withdrawn their support due to fears that they workers wont be protected while in Gaza. Only making it worse for the starvation, drought and medical emergencies Palestinians have been facing in Gaza. The devastation is incomprehensible, yet it is their daily lives, surrounded by rubble, death, destruction and suffering. World Central Kitchen, the org which was supplying aid is an American NGO, one supported by presidents, one which seemingly had all the protections of the West, yet it was so purposely targeted by Israel. They have apologised but anyone who believes them is living in a different reality where Israel are given the benefit of the doubt despite 6 months of total destruction. Israel lie and lie and lie. They kill with impunity. We’ve seen children’s bodies shredded and hanging from buildings, premature babies forced to die alone in seized hospitals, human bodies purposely flattened by bulldozers, parents carrying body-parts of their children in bags, animals eating the remains of humans on the street, people, mostly children dying of starvation, skin and bones. While Western media and governments not only supported, but justified and funded. When Israel accused UNWRA staff of being part of Hamas, global powers cut funding immediately without any proof. Cutting vital aid that is barely getting into Gaza, now they kill aid workers from a Western NGO owned by a famous chef and more aid organisations including WCK withdraw aid because they cant ensure their workers safety. All now, the USA says Israel haven’t committed a single crime which breaks international humanitarian law. Its so fucked up!! So called “international law” is a tool to be used and twisted by Western powers and their allies. International Humanitarian Law has been shown for the past 6 months that it isn’t to protect human lives, especially not colonised peoples. Over 30,000 Palestinians have been killed, and its likely a much higher number because societal structures have been completely devastated. How are deaths from Israel military, starvation and medical neglect being counted with up to date figures amongst constant attacks and displacement?
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As I mentioned last month, I have started a year long Quilt Project where I will be learning and experimenting with a different patchwork theme each month. January was Log Cabin and February was Seminole. Im a bit behind but Im not going to let that stop me! Seminole originates from the Seminole and Miccosukee First Nation people in Florida, and the technique is called Taweekaache in the Mikasuki language. Many Seminole people can be found in Oklahoma due to being forcibly displaced by European Settlers from their homeland of Florida in the 1800s.
The plan for this month was to use bandanas and my tie-dyed calico in a rainbow of colours to experiment with the different styles. The basics of Seminole is 1) creating a larger piece of fabric from numerous strips, 2 +3) that new textile is then cut into strips again and 4 + 5) sewn back together in different arrangements and then 6) the edges are trimmed. You can probably see better from the pictures and video examples such as this great resource called Seminole Patchwork and Translations where the history and various designs are named and explained.
I didnt go into this month with a final outcome like I sort of had planned for some of the Log Cabin last month. I wanted to focus on experimentation so other than being in a satisfying rainbow of colours i didnt have an overall plan to create a beautiful aesthetically pleasing artwork. Im super happy with the things I learned this month and look forward to catching up on the next months theme which is Tumbling Blocks.
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Making of some Seminole patchwork.
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