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Fresh paint, fresh perspective
I’ve just returned from visiting my sister, Holly, in Nashville.
About five years ago she began noticing subtle changes in her husband Barry's behavior that made her suspect Alzheimer’s. The past two years have been increasingly challenging, requiring every ounce of her energy, patience and creativity to keep him safe and his fretful mind sufficiently occupied.
Holly covered the old kitchen table in plastic for messy craft projects that could engage him long enough for her to prepare meals and conduct household business. With a background of Alexa-generated “calming music,” Barry could color the designs in an adult coloring book if handed a particular pencil with the suggestion to fill in all the little round shapes (“Do these—like this…), then another pencil color for the stripes, etc.
She paid neighbors to spell her so she could do her daily hour of yoga (essential for her sanity, she says) and to take Barry on short excursions. Because she plays bass in four different music groups, she asked the members if they could please make her house their official rehearsal space every week, so Barry could play along as best he could. [Holly and Barry have been professional musicians for pretty much all fifty+ years of their life together - here they are on the Grand ol’ Opry. Barry was part of EmmyLou Harris’s Hot Band for years.]
24/7 vigilance was exhausting, especially the nights, but my sister couldn’t imagine placing Barry in memory care, though she knew that moment was coming. Two months ago, to cheer herself up and regain some sense of her own agency, she decided to repaint their living room. She wanted fresh color—FUN color—like why not lavender walls? She also bought a new rug and a couple of bright lime pillows, hung different art. (The lavender is more saturated than in the photo…)
The change sparked unexpected joy. Energized, she moved on to the music rehearsal room and painted it the pillow-lime green. It’s a louder color than she intended, but it’s been a big hit with her musician pals.
[Both Holly and I were trained in feng shui back in 2000, so we are highly attuned to the power of our environments to set a mood, enliven our intentions, etc. When I saw the changes she'd made, it struck me that the act of painting those two rooms in such fresh colors released a lot of stuck chi, and freed her mind to think more clearly about Barry’s needs as well as her own.]
Soon after she refreshed those two rooms, she got the clarity she needed to place him in a memory care facility a 20-minute drive away. Thus far, it’s going well for him. Now she has the open space to consider what she wants her own life to look like going forward.
That's when I arrived. Trouble-maker that I am, I egged her on further. “This kitchen table is depressing, Holly. The plastic cover, the muddy brown paint...”
“Hmm….Daddy painted it, probably thirty years ago. Remember? ”
“I do, but does that mean it’s somehow too sacred to repaint? He was color-blind, you know—maybe that explains his choice of this ugly paint.”
I thought she’d balk, but no…“Ahhh," she said. "I see where you’re going.”
And off she went to fetch her Benjamin Moore fan deck. She found a purple she liked and we bought a quart at Home Depot. Unfortunately “Virtual Violet” broke our eyeballs when we applied it. Back we went for a cheery blue-green (“Blue Lake”). Bingo!! transformation!
Next, we got rid of tired napkins, tablecloths, placemats, chair cushions. She’s looking for new FUN ones.
Moral of this story, if there is one--when you feel stuck, try fresh paint in fresh color to get the chi moving. It's a lot cheaper than a therapist.
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Difficult Politics*
I posed this question to someone I know and trust in upper-level national Democratic politics. I pass along his response in case you are similarly afflicted and conflicted, but want to contribute to saving our fragile American democracy.
Me: Every damn day I get a dozen fundraising texts or emails from various candidates and PACs wanting money for their desperate need. Some are straightforward from the candidate (I need your help by midnight...), some claim it's for the broader Dem cause (but the $$ actually goes to their own campaign--so annoying), and others are PACs I've never heard of. I want to contribute, but how do I assess what or who I'm helping? How does a concerned voter sort the wheat from the chaff in order to donate where it will make the biggest difference?
His response: It's a tough challenge for everyone. One reason you’re already getting deluged is that early donations are by far the most cost-effective.
The main clearinghouse for donations to the Democratic Party itself is going to be Democrats.org/ActBlue — probably most of the "please give by tonight's FEC deadline" originate through that program. But there are dozens of PACs out there raising money, each of which has a particular focus (so you'll have to research to see if they align with your goals).
If you're looking for ways to strategize or donate most effectively, you could look at organizations like Swing Left (https://swingleft.org) or the Movement Voter Project (https://movement.vote/donors-guide-to-strategic-political-giving-whats-the-best-place-to-make-a-progressive-political-donation/) or some of the data-driven tools like Oath (https://app.oath.vote). [Me: the Movement's Guide is worth down-loading.]
Beyond that, it's always wise to support local candidates who you believe in and who'll be responsive to your input as a constituent.
[*Last issue I wrote about "Easy & Difficult Beauty" and "Easy & Difficult Politics," if you missed it.]
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Put yourself in the way of beauty
Wow! The complementary colors of Spring in Portland! And so fragrant...
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