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November brings so many opportunities for reflection as we enter the holiday season. Some choose to name a specific memory, accomplishment, or person they are thankful for each day. Others find this season difficult – perhaps it is a first holiday without a loved one, causing a disruption of tradition. In many cases, mine included, it’s the holiday gatherings themselves that cause difficulty. More specifically, it’s the menu at those gatherings.
I was raised in a family that had to be very aware of food sensitivities that were initially thought to be food allergies. Watching a parent struggle to find nutrition amidst an undiagnosed condition was hard and somewhat confusing for me a child. Now, I am the parent of a child who has a life-threatening food allergy, and that comes with its own set of trials.
Planning around picky eaters and still enjoying holiday gatherings is something our family has managed for years. While we are just one year into the diagnosed food allergy journey, it has been present all along. Now that we know and have an official diagnosis, we have had to adjust plans. As we enter this holiday season, we are taking more time to think about what will be served, what our kids will be exposed to, and what they will be able to safely eat.
I’ve learned through our healthcare adjustments that leniency and flexibility are important. I want my child to eat well and grow while avoiding too much of the “junk” food. I also want to keep him safe from the foods that can cause allergic reactions. He’s capable of recognizing the obvious triggers – he’s claimed a peanut allergy since early childhood, so with his formal diagnosis, he has enjoyed being justified in “I told you so’s.” What is more worrisome to me is the potential cross-contamination and exposure due to an innocent mistake on the part of another.
Several INF2F staff members deal with similar struggles in their families. Resource Specialist Kelly Thompson shares that she hosts holiday gatherings whenever possible so that she can have confidence there is no chance of allergen exposure. She also encourages her children to be advocates for their own needs, giving them confidence that they are the “gatekeepers of what goes into their mouths”. She makes sure that her children know that it’s okay to ask questions, check labels, and not eat anything they feel uncomfortable with. A common thread for INF2F staff is that we often bring our own food to gatherings if needed or feed our kids a large snack or a meal before going somewhere if we are unsure of what will be served.
Some parents may fear having to defend their kids when they do not eat what is served. I know that the only person I owe an explanation to is my child. While it can sometimes be difficult to find balance in enjoying holiday gatherings without fear of anaphylactic shock, my son understands that we are keeping him safe by limiting his risk of exposure. Food Allergy Research and Education (FARE) is a great resource for parents trying to find this balance in their own family. FARE has free downloadable resources (available in both English and Spanish) that cover a wide variety of topics, including: tips for avoiding allergens, how to avoid cross contamination, and how to prepare others to care for your child’s food allergies. They also have educational information available on how to talk with children about their food allergies.
Last year, I wrote a newsletter article about having grace during the holidays. To some degree, my message this year isn’t much different. When navigating what our children need so that we can truly be thankful for the gift of family – it must include space for us to do what is best for our own personal situation.
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