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Hi everyone!
It's almost time for Thanksgiving in the US!
Usually at this time I'd be all “THANKSGIVING IS HERE, SO LET’S BE SUPER GRATEFUL FOR ALL OF THE AWESOMENESS IN OUR LIVES...while also acknowledging the notsogreat roots of this holiday and the complicated feels it can bring up!"
Things are still...shall we say, challenging. And so it can feel extremely disconnected and spiritual bypassing-y to even think about practicing gratitude at times like this. (If you're unfamiliar, spiritual bypassing is using spirituality as a shield or barrier in order to avoid painful feelings or exploring hard topics. It's fascinating.)
SO, if you're not at all in a gratitudey place, I honor that...and I hope you do too.
Something that can be helpful is dumping out what we're feeling before so can get into all the yay gratitude, yay food, yay all the things.
So if you need to get anything out, feel free to email me so I can love you up and give you some cheerleading.
Or, if you'd rather do so anonymously, you can head on over to this form and issue a primal scream into the void: https://forms.gle/CLUfYT4cTQgqATg76
Something else that might be coming up: maybe you've been wondering how to be grateful and whether that's even something to hope for right now.
As I’ve said before, numerous times, tools like gratitude are not so we can spiritually bypass or encourage a privileged bubble where we ignore things like a pandemic, or systemic racism, patriarchy, capitalism, and all the other awfuls out there, just to make ourselves feel better.
Practicing gratitude is NOT THE SAME AS BEING RELENTLESSLY AND UNREALISTICALLY POSITIVE ALL THE TIME.
It actually means holding these two very powerful truths at the same time: even though crappy things are happening...we can practice gratitude for the amazing and wonderful things that are happening as well.
Being aware of BOTH of those are key. We do this to remind ourselves that the world and our lives are not either/or, all or nothing, or zero-sum, which is what scarcity thinking is rooted in.
After all, believing that everything is terrible all the time and toxic negativity is a distortion of reality, just as thinking everything is awesome all the time and toxic positivity is a distortion of reality.
So we practice gratitude to remember that there is nuance. That there are things and people to be grateful for, so we're not so burdened by the hopelessness that can come from only looking at the awful, so we can honor the full range of our and the human experience, so we can take pleasure and joy in this life, so we can honor our desires and take them seriously...even when things are uncertain and scary.
And thus, like almost everything in this world, Thanksgiving is nuanced and has its good and not-so-good points.
Good points: the food is yummy, and it's a holiday about abundance and gratitude and connection.
Not-so-good points: it's predicated on exploitation and murder of Native Americans (see this article for an overview) and then there's Black Friday, which is blech (here's something I wrote a couple of years ago about how Black Friday isn't abundant), and for some, family gatherings are awful.
As with all things that are nuanced, we have choices:
Option 1: We can choose to focus on the good and ignore the bad (not ideal)
Option 2: We can choose to focus on the bad and ignore the good (not ideal)
Option 3: We can acknowledge the less than awesome and do what we can to change it, WHILE ALSO honoring and reveling in the awesome. (IDEAL!)
Here's how to do Option 3 for Thanksgiving: (And you can do this whether you're in the US or not.)
Shifting the not-so-awesome: read some books or watch some films about the Native American experience. I don't remember learning a whole lot about it in school, and I'd like to learn more. Some ideas: reading Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee and An Indigenous People's History of the United States, and/or perhaps watching one of these films.
Other things to do: Wherever you are in the world, take the time to learn the indigenous history where you live, learn about the current struggles the indigenous communities face, and see how you can be an ally.
(If you're in the US, Canada, Greenland, Australia and New Zealand, Canada, and parts of South America, you can go to this map and see learn about the first nations that first inhabited the land you live on. It's fascinating!)
And now, honoring the awesome: Whether you're in the US or not, I encourage you to take a moment to connect with gratitude.
Whatever you do over Thanksgiving and wherever you are, here are four of my favorite ways to connect with gratitude during this time of year:
1. Food, glorious food! Tables will be GROANING under the weight of turkey, gravy, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, green beans, sweet potato concoctions, wine, bread, stuffing, pumpkin pie, pecan pie, pie pie pie…There's so much bounty. So let's get in touch with our gratitude for all of this wonderful, not-very-healthy food! :)
What are you grateful for when it comes to food? Since many of us have food issues (including me!), perhaps we can let 'em go, just for a day, and let this be a way to connect with the abundance around us.
Action step: List 5 things that you're grateful for when it comes to food. Some ideas...the farmers who harvested it, the turkeys that gave their lives, the people who transported the food to the stores, the gas to the gas stations, the people who cooked it…the list goes on.
2. Family time! Okay, we all know that family time isn't always the easiest thing. And yet...Thanksgiving often means being with family.
So…if you're with them, be grateful for being with your family. Be grateful if they know your dietary restrictions and work around them. Be grateful that they love you enough to say things that might peeve you. Be grateful that you speak to them and have a connection with them. Be grateful for this chance to be grateful together.
Action step: List at least 5 ways you're grateful to with regard to your family!
And to those of you who are not spending Thanksgiving with your family for whatever reason, whether it's due to loss or because your family is extremely challenging…Can you be grateful and PLEASE honor yourself for NOT spending time with your family? If it's a choice, can you be grateful to yourself for choosing exactly what is right for you, for protecting yourself and for practicing radical self-care? Because I absolutely applaud you!
And if it's because you've had a lot of loss, can you be grateful for and celebrate your strength and resilience?
3. Proclaim your gratitude and encourage others to share theirs! Gratitude is a practice, and one way to practice gratitude is to state it to the world and get support from others. One of the best Thanksgivings I’ve ever had was awhile back. I had recently started my gratitudes practice, and I asked my family if they’d be willing to share gratitudes about the prior year.
They were, and it was magical on so many levels! It increased my sense of connection and intimacy with them (because once you know what makes someone grateful and happy, you know them on a very different level), it reinforced my own gratitude practice, and it increased everyone’s sense of abundance and gratitude!
Action step: ask whoever’s organizing your gathering if it would be okay to go around the table at some point in the mealtime and for everyone share something they’re grateful for.
Let me know how it goes! And consider…how does hearing other people’s gratitude make you feel?
And if you’re enjoying a quiet, solitary Thanksgiving or it's not your thing, I encourage you to list 10 gratitudes (!!)…and send them to me so I can bear witness and hold the space for you.
4. Savor that sweet, delicious, precious downtime. Thanksgiving is one of those days where you're just supposed to cook and eat and drink, and watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. Maybe watch football (which I don't), maybe volunteer (which I often do). So if you're employed, be grateful for the day off...and if you're unemployed, be grateful for the company.
Seriously, though! Downtime is a precious commodity these days.
Action step: don't just do something...sit there! Take a moment to catch your breath and do nothing productive whatsoever. Enjoy it and be grateful for the opportunity to catch your breath, to spend time with family and friends, and to cultivate your gratitude! :)
And if you happen to work at a place where you're required to work on Thanksgiving, well... hmmm...okay, can you be grateful for your paycheck? Can you come up with 10 more gratitudes for working on Thanksgiving or the day after? (And if you do have to work on Black Friday, may the force be with you...and I hope you can be grateful for your sense of humor and patience.)
Whatever you choose to do, may your Thanksgiving be safe and easy...and may you have a deliciously delightfully abundantly fantastic learney and gratitudey Thanksgiving!
xoxo
PS: I've got some Small Biz Saturday, Cyber Monday, and Giving Tuesday awesomeness coming your way this week and next, so keep an eye out!
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