Patreon Xmas cards unboxing video!
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Hello again <<First Name (optional)>> !
At 6pm GMT today, my Patreon special offer comes to an end. This means you have three hours left in which to act, if you'd like to receive a special Christmas card from me - or from Jack Sparks, if you'd like to select that option!
The custom Christmas cards I designed for my eligible patrons, old and new, arrived two days ago! I made an unboxing video, so you could share the moment that I opened the box.
As you'll see in the video, I was shocked to discover that all the cards had been mistakenly printed with a photograph of Satan's bottom!
Just kidding, obviously. Although some folk may be quick to draw a comparison between Satan's bottom and my face.
Watch the video here!
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If you'd like one of these cards, here's how...
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So! If you'd like to become my latest patron and get yourself a Christmas card signed by either me, Jack Sparks or any other of my fictional characters, you'll need to...
🎅 Sign up at the Oh Dear God, What's That At The Window? pledge tier or above 🎅 And do so by the deadline of 6pm GMT on Friday 9 December.
🎅 Once signed up, DM me on Patreon to tell me if you'd like one of my fictional characters to dedicate and sign your card (the default is me).
🎅 Add your shipping address to your Patreon profile
🎅 Watch your mailbox for your Christmas card!
If you sign up at the Cardiac Arrest level or above, I'll show my gratitude by including a special bonus item in your card! This will be either a unique red-pen proof page from the Jack Sparks or Ghoster edit phases, or one of the unique index cards that I used to outline and plan these novels.
When you sign up at any of the eligible four tier levels, you will also receive my regular Patreon perks, such as a welcome video from me and receiving a regular thank-you postcard from me.
You will also bring me closer to achieving my personal goals, each of which will unlock a reward for backers. Here are the next two goals and their associated rewards:
NEXT GOAL: £666 per month. This will bring me closer to achieving my personal goal of moving back to London in 2023, to be closer to key family members.
THE REWARD: To celebrate this awesome feat, I'll make a video in which I read the entire exorcism sequence of my novel The Last Days Of Jack Sparks - for patrons only!
THE GOAL AFTER THAT: £1000 per month. This unlikely feat would allow me to actually make that big and expensive move to London. 😲
THE REWARD: To celebrate, I will privately share a deleted chapter from The Last Days Of Jack Sparks with patrons. So your pledge - even if you back me at the Chilling level for £2 per month - will lift me closer to unlocking those hidden words! (I mean, obviously, this chapter was deleted for a reason, but it should hopefully still be interesting to read, and I'll explain to patrons exactly why it was deleted. I'll even make a patron-only video in which I read this chapter to you.)
Here's the breakdown of the perks associated with the first two of the four eligible pledge tiers:
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- SPECIAL OFFER TILL DECEMBER 9 - You will receive my specially-designed, glossy Christmas card before December 25 (I hope!), dedicated to you and signed by me OR one of my fictional characters, including Jack Sparks, on request! (Just let me know if you'd like it to be from a fictional character, by sending me a private message at Patreon.)
- You will receive a thank you postcard from me every 12 months. OR from one of my fictional characters (again, let me know), for as long as your patronage continues.
- Your name will appear higher up the thanks list at the end of my YouTube videos, and on my website, and remain there for as long as you're a patron.
- If you include your Twitter handle on your new Patreon profile, I will give you a grateful shout-out on the Twitters!
- You will really be helping me achieve my personal goals! Thank you so much.
- Plus even more perks! See the full list under the Oh Dear God... heading here.
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- SPECIAL OFFER TILL DECEMBER 9 - You will receive my specially-designed, glossy Christmas card before December 25 (I hope!), dedicated to you and signed by me OR one of my fictional characters, including Jack Sparks! (Just let me know if you'd like it to be from a fictional character, by sending me a private message at Patreon.)
- Your Christmas card will contain a special bonus item! This will be either a unique red-pen proof page from the Jack Sparks or Ghoster edit phases, or one of the unique index cards that I used to outline and plan these novels.
- I will thank you in the acknowledgements section of any novel or book of mine that is published while you've been a patron at this level for six months or more!
- You will receive a thank you postcard from me (or one of my fictional characters - just let me know via PM here at Patreon) every SIX MONTHS, instead of the regular 12 months for the previous tier, for as long as you remain a patron. This postcard can also be written by one of my fictional characters (again, let me know).
- Your name will appear close to the top of the thanks list at the end of my YouTube videos, in this very newsletter and on my website.
- I like to do random stuff for patrons at this level. In the past, I've sent them horror DVDs from my collection and unique proof pages. Who knows what will happen next?
- This is a really solid pledge, which will make a real difference in helping me achieve my goals! You are awesome. Thank you.
- Pledge at the Cardiac Arrest level here and surprise the hell out of me. :-)
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Now, there are two higher tiers, but I genuinely don't expect anyone to ever pledge at those - especially the last one! Still, if you're curious and/or an eccentric millionaire, you can read details for the SCARED TO DEATH tier or the utterly ridiculous PARTYING WITH JACK SPARKS IN THE AFTERLIFE tier. 🤣
Anyone worldwide can become a patron and claim this offer. I'm lucky enough to have kind patrons across the globe, from the UK to the US to Norway to Switzerland to Australia. You can select your own local currency when you join, to save on exchange fees.
Every single time someone signs up to become a patron, my phone goes buzz and the notification gives me a real buzz too. Such a great feeling.
I hope to make your personalised greeting video soon, write your Christmas card and welcome you to a community of 60 seriously lovely people and counting!
JOIN USSSSSS, right here at Patreon.
By the way, in case you're wondering - it is totally cool to sign up for an eligible tier and then reduce your pledge in the New Year. I am always grateful for any support, regardless of how long it can last. Likewise, I want you to know you can leave my Patreon club at any time, without explanation and for any reason!
Any last-minute questions? Please do reply to this email and ask away. No question is stupid!
Speak soon! And merrrrrrry Christmas! 🎄🎅🎄🎅👿
Festive wishes,
Jason
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