Last Wednesday marked the 17th anniversary of my paternal grandmother's death. I thought of her again yetserday when I sat down to write to you about my sort-of word for the new year. I say "sort-of" because I'm not fully convinced I need a theme word or a goals list or a year-long strategy for 2023. For context, here's an excerpt from a much longer article I wrote several years ago about Nene (my grandmother) for In Touch magazine.
Recently I’ve been plagued with questions I wish I could ask her while we sit on the old bench outside her front door and people-watch: What gets you out of bed every morning, especially on the tough days? How do you keep your eyes so fixed on Jesus with everything else going on in the world? What do you ask God for the most? What is your biggest wish? Do you have any goals? How do you not give in to the pressure to do more or be more? How are you never stressed?!
Nene didn’t run church programs or serve on committees or speak at ministry events or go on mission trips. She didn’t teach Sunday School or sing in the choir or write articles. Yet she was known and loved and respected in a way I dare not expect to ever be known and loved and respected, even though I’m a published author and have held many positions at my church and in other ministries. You see, Nene didn’t try to gain the admiration of others. She didn’t try to figure out her calling. She didn’t even have a to-do list to speak of. She reported for duty every morning and let the Holy Spirit guide her.
I like to think I have inherited many of Nene’s qualities—her creativity, her thriftiness, her contentment with a simple, quiet life. Yet I am painfully aware of our differences. While I’m always looking for ways to upgrade my life, overcome my deficiencies, and accomplish my goals—generally with limited success—she put her energy into worshipping her Saviour and obeying her Lord. My motives seem noble, but they too often miss the mark.
I cringe to think about the dollars and hours I’ve invested in webinars, books, blogs, programs, Facebook groups, apps, and magazines with the hopes of managing my time better, advancing my career, losing weight, improving my chances of marriage, being a better speaker, and hosting the perfect party. I’ve counted steps, mapped out goals, tracked habits, journaled sporadically about changes I have worked on, and, let’s be honest, thrown my fair share of navel-gazing, over-thinking, pity parties.
Nene did none of these things but accomplished so much. How? And why has it taken me so long to ask that question?
If Nene were here, she’d take my hand, pat it, and tell me I’m trying too hard. She’d remind me that God didn’t create me to spend my days on earth trying to live up to a worldly standard of beauty, success, and virtue, but to know Him and make Him known.
See what I mean? Why do I need a theme word for the year? I think I might not adopt one after all, but I will tell you what word I'd sort of picked: WITH. Does that seem strange? I suppose it is, but here's my rationale: It occurred to me recently that I put a lot of time and energy into doing things for God and for other people, but often in isolation. I felt like God was challenging me to (a) involve Him more in my decisions and projects and (b) make room for others to share their gifts and talents instead of always stepping up and doing things myself. If I am not willing to let things get messy by doing things with people instead of for people, I'm not only going to get so tired I start making my own messes, but I'm also going to deprive others of opportunities to serve and learn and grow.
So, yes, I sort of have a word for 2023, but I also sort of don't.
Have a wonderful Monday and a blessing-ful new year!
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