Thinking Outside the Box

It’s time to start thinking outside the box!
 
We’re accustomed to seeing and responding to things in a certain way.  Most people do what they have always done or what seems normal and natural. However, this is not always what should be done to be successful or even to survive. For example, scientists who work with sharks discovered the best thing to do when a shark is nearby is to swim toward it. This is because in the ocean, things that run away are prey and things that attack are predators. When your swim toward the shark, it thinks you are a predator and will swim away to escape you. This kind of outside-the-box thinking will require learning some new strategies that won’t always seem normal or natural, but are necessary for success. It will take hard work to change old ways of seeing and responding to situations. By thinking outside of the box, you can create new ways to successfully co-parent and provide the best possible environment for your child.   
 
Sometimes we get stuck in the box with no acceptable solution in sight. We keep going over and over the same ground, but nothing changes. There is a saying that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results each time. Divorcing parents frequently find themselves in a situation in which a co-parent consistently does something they don’t like. The crazy part is that they keep responding the same way to the behavior always hoping that he or she will stop. This rarely works. Instead of repeating the same, do something different. But what can you do?
 
First, consider you might be doing something that is annoying to your co-parent and they are responding to you. Is your behavior focused on the well-being of your child, or are you trying to make your co-parent pay for what they did to you? If your honest answer is the latter, then get focused on what is best for your child. If you change, your co-parent will most likely respond differently to you.
 
Second, ask yourself: Are you sincerely trying to work out a “win-win” relationship with your co-parent or are you trying to get what you want? What does your co-parent really want and how can you help him or her get that without sacrificing your own needs and desires? In other words, what would be a workable compromise that allows everyone to win?  If you sincerely work to help your co-parent, sooner or later, they will begin to change their behavior toward you.
 
Finally, if you can't see your own behavior clearly, find someone who will give you some honest feedback and ask them to brainstorm some possible solutions with you. Two or three heads are almost always better than one. This person might even be able to serve as a mediator who talks to your co-parent to get some new insight into the reasons for their seemingly annoying behavior. Then they might be in an even better situation to help you think outside the box.
 
Remember that almost all solutions come when one person is able to find a new path. Fighting fire with fire only ends up with both people and the children getting burned.