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Dear Friend,

A couple of quick reminders as we go into this squeaky new week:

1. Planning does NOT equal Catastrophizing

Planning is a form of thoughtful doing with a focus on what we hope to be our future. I hope to have a long life and so I plan my money and food and movement around supporting that hope.

Catastrophizing is a form of daydreaming that feels like certainty about forthcoming disasters mixed with magical thinking that says that anxiety now is somehow protective.

I promise you: As incredible and creative and expansive as your brain is, life is exponentially more creative and surprising in all the ways - its delivery of hardships, for sure, and also its generation of surprising delights.

2. Self-Compassion does NOT equal Permissiveness

Self-compassion is acknowledging your own imperfect humanness with the gentle, loving acceptance you might far more easily give to a beloved other in your life.

Permissiveness is allowing yourself to enact (and, often, reenact) behaviors that you know will ultimately detract from your happiness – putting off the work or eating the thing or saying the thing or what-have-you.

While we often confuse these two, thinking we must punish ourselves to motivate ourselves, permissiveness is actually a sneaky form of self-sabotage while self-compassion is a sneaky form of go-juice.

When this masquerades as that - and it often does in this complex world of ours - we inadvertently hamper our route toward bigger and badder.

Perhaps counterintuitively, the key to seeing through the disguises is right there in our feelings. Self-compassion and planning may both happen in the context of discomfort - sadness, disappointment, fear, and even guilt - and yet the way they empower us tends to lift our heads a little higher and straighten our backs a little more.

Stand tall, friend, and you'll find the way.

other ways to engage with me


1. coaching because you have more wisdom than you're seeing
(schedule a chat to explore if coaching would be a meaningful tool for your Now)

2. humaning: zines about human things
(new ones coming out on the regular)

3. chomp & chat
(because this is your community)


other oft-confused things


Resilience & whole-human strength (on NPR)

Self-punishment and persistence (in The Atlantic)

A near win and a big ol’ fail (TED Talk)
 
Wishing you a week of clarity in which is this and which is that...
... which is planning and which is self-compassion...
... which is You and which is the big amorphous Them...
... because you, Friend, you know what's up.

With love and gratitude for all you are,
SB

one more for the road

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Copyright © 2023 SB Rawz, biz & empowerment coach, All rights reserved.


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